All in all things are looking good. I'm not constantly thinking about drinking. When I say thinking I don't mean craving (I got that as well). I used to think about drinking from the moment I got up in the morning to the moment I went to bed (if I hadn't had a drink that is). It was pure mental torture and very exhausting. The darkness in me is still there and fighting but the Baclofen seem to be dulling the chatter out somewhat.
I'm still buying beer for no other reason than out of habit I guess and with the thought in the back of my head that I'd like to get drunk but I just won't happen. I tastes disgusting and I can't get past 3. I bought some Whiskey midweek to defeat this but struggled to drink 350ml in 12 hours. As I said above the chatter is still there but I finally seem to have a weapon on my side to tell it to f**k off. All this help hasn't really kicked in till about 150mg. The week before last I went on a 2 week bender of 24 hour destructive/blackout drinking. I then had the customary 4 day withdrawal which mixed in with the Baclofen wasn't nice at all. I now couldn't look at a bottle of vodka without wanting to throw up. I even tried to drink a can of Coke (mixer of choice) the other day and nearly threw up.
It hasn't been smooth sailing by any means. SEs include....
-Shortness of breath/Gasping for air. Especially after drinking something or at night trying to sleep. Scary buy I've had it before and knew what to expect.
-Intrusive thoughts heightened. As I say heightened as I have previous but they are really a lot worse. Non stop thinking about things out of my control. 90% negative. Once again worse at night.
-Sexual. Can't for the life of my "climax" for want of a better word and to make things worse my libido is through the roof
-Memory. My memory is terrible anyway (so bad you wouldn't believe) but I'm having trouble even remembering the day before.
- Sleepiness. Forget the proper word for this but at around 7pm I can't keep my eyes open.
-Sleep. I drop out light a rock but once I wake thats me up. Usually around 5am. Could be worse.
-Anxiety. Sadly Baclofen if anything makes my anxiety quite bit worse. Walking I get paranoid and when I get anxious my balance goes all out of whack as well (vertigo?)
All in all I've had every SE there is but the above ones are the worst. That being said I can deal with them all. Its a small price to pay for being off the booze (not quite but you know what I mean) I'd like to add that there is no way in hell that I could do this whilst drinking. I would have just been too hard. The added anxiety and all the other shit would have been way too much to handle. That's me so far. I'm hoping not to have to go too much further but I'll go as high as it takes. I thing it took my drinking to get way way out of hand to realize I'm in serious trouble if I don't sort it. I also realized I'm hopeless at going AF for any amount of time which scares me a lot. Benders get longer and the times in between get shorter.
Peace
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