Happily indifferent? Is it a possibility?

[mycall]

Hi all,

Am teetering on making a decision whether to go all out with baclofen and titrate up (from the dizzy heights of 10mg three times a day) or whether to bac off completely.

Have discussed side effects on my previous thread - still feel I could power through them (particularly as not working atm, being signed of for four weeks with bereavement related stress - seems a good opportunity to go full pelt)

However, think it was Sam who said that reaching indifference induced depression. I can totally relate to that. I want to 'not want' alcohol - but am worried that I too would feel depressed without my old comfortable (and obviously destructive) lifestyle.

Drinking brings all sorts of problems to my life - but it's also the thing I look forward to as the day progresses. Being able to anesthetize the brain is quite a pull for me and I definitely use the idea of a cold glass of Pinot the carrot that gets me through the day.

Could anyone who has reached indifference comment? How do you cope with not having that thing that you always looked forward to anymore? Do you feel happy and content not to be drinking, or is there always a feeling of deprivation (even if its for something you no longer desire - if that makes sense)

I don't want to sound at all defeatist - it would just be good to hear how people have managed to switch once they've switched!!

Thank you

[bleep]

It's a whole new world out there when it works. It's worth fighting for, and everyone deserves it.

[mycall]

Good for you Stalteri - it is tough when you have little to distract you. I will take strength from your determination.

Like you - I have no idea how else to proceed. I've been years with this monkey on my back - time to give it the heave-ho

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Yes. I filled my time with many things I had always wanted to do, but didn't or couldn't.

I don't want to discourage you, (quite the opposite!) but a month isn't a whole heckuvalot of time to find yourself indifferent.

Here's a thread that might help answer your question:

https://www.mywayout.org/community/showthread.php?43945-Sweet-success!-(with-baclofen)

Regardless of your decision, Mycall, don't give up. Sober life is worth everything you can give it. Every dollar, every hour. It's worth it.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

I miss some of those old posters.

They are mostly still around, Stalteri. You can PM or just post something and it's likely you'll get an answer.

EDIT: I'm the same as Ne1. I had a problem logging in with my old username. It's been fixed.

[spiritwolf333]

Hi MyCall -Happily indifferent? I interpret this as if you are asking if someone can be happy and sober at the same time? I apologize in advance if this is not your question. However, assuming that it is, you will be the only person able to make this determination once that you are truly sober. For me, I have found sobriety incredibly freeing, and yet I still sometimes feel lost and depressed -confused so to speak.

For me, I could always depend on alcohol to make me feel one certain-particular way and I did not have to deal with unknown or different feelings. However, as many of us know, we also remember the consequences that soon followed. Our brains are constantly seeking a way to 'feel' ok -or better, and as we know, substances that are chemically addictive, end up creating havoc.

Anyway, thanks for the whiteboard. And for me, not drinking beats the hell out of drinking any day -but I had reached that jumping off point.

[guapo]

For what it's worth, I've taken naltrexone, for about a year, and now just rarely. The good news is I almost never want to drink, and if I do I drink next to nothing. I also don't take a pill except if I'm going to drink something which is usually about once a week.

The benefits compared to where I was are beyond description.. If your main hobby was drinking, there is going to be bit of a void.

Overtime that feeling goes away, and at this point, I discovered it just doesn't really matter.

[Lostinspace]

mycall - I never reached full indifference; I may still have to go up in dose, especially now that I've quit smoking. But at 160 mg, I've had longish periods of time (like a week or two) where I not only had no cravings, but the thought of drinking was completely unappealing. And I can definitely say that I'm happy during those craving-free streaks. I actually made a post on my thread a couple months ago using almost those exact same words - that I was both happy and sober at the same time, something I never before thought was possible.

As others mentioned, you will have to find other things to fill the time that you used to spend drinking, but when you're truly not craving, it doesn't feel like you're filling a void, at least not for me. You just have to find something to fill the time because sitting around and just watching tv (or whatever you normally do when you drink) gets to be really boring when you're not mentally altered. I started going for walks each day and got back into reading, and also did some stuff I've been missing out on, like backpacking.

Honestly, I know it's impossible to imagine when you've never experienced indifference, but you really will get to a point where you simply don't care about alcohol, and don't miss it. I know I'm not the best spokesperson right now since I'm having a resurgence of my cravings. But that's only due to my quitting smoking - and the fact that I never truly hit my switch in the first place. Keep at it. You'll be pleasantly surprised when you get there.