Hi,
Allow me to summarize my way, I hope to get some feedback to reassure myself everything is going in the right direction. I've been on the allowed 100 mg for a couple of months, hoping it will contribute to my will to stop abusing alcohol. Obviously it didn't. Then I titrated to 250 mg, but I was still heavily addicted and had several 3-4 days sessions. I was asked by my girlfriend to move out of the house, and as a drunk, I thought: Oh yeah? You don't want me? I have my honour, therefore f**k you and see for yourself if you really prefer being left alone with a small child over my harmless usage of alcohol. I moved out to a hotel for over two weeks, where, you guessed it, I drank the whole time (currently I don't work).
It took me a week to recover, but I said: enough is enough, I'm quitting alcohol even if this means white knuckling. Being AF for almost 40 days came relatively easy (apart from insomnia), additionally, I took better care of not forgetting or missing my Bac doses. Although completely sceptical, I gave AA a chance, and came to like it. The groups I attend are small, with 8-15 attendees, and the meetings themselves are not alcohol-centric (which is not recommended in my case, google out Lesch typology, if you haven't done so already) but emotion-centric, I feel good and safe there, therefore I benefit from them.
Two days ago, being frustrated by not getting any employment offers, I decided to put myself through a test, and have a couple of drinks. Mentally I'm still on the stage of "I can control alcohol, as I did for many years". The test had to prove that I can drink on one evening and easily withstand cravings the next day. I can't recall any pleasure from those drinks, therefore I had no will at all to continue yesterday. I repeated that yesterday evening. It's 9:30 AM here, and I couldn't care less about having a beer - it seems pointless to me, based on experiences from the last two days, I would not expect any relief or well being. Yes, I'm afraid of the habit side of addiction, and will stay completely AF for the next month or two, but the change of how I perceive alcohol is dramatic. Yes, I'm still at the very beginning, but the questions or hypotheses I have are as follows:
1. Is this the switch? I've heard numerous times people just stopped caring about alcohol, but has it always been related to not having any pleasure even if you had it anyhow?
2. Has anyone had the experience, that you'd need to stay AF for some time for the Bac to actually kick in? I know stories of people drinking all the way up and suddenly stopping.
3. Give AA a chance. I don't think I would benefit anyhow from a huge gathering of 100+ people, but the groups I found are small, everyone knows each other, there is a significant representation of atheists or agnostics, and I'm happy to have proved myself I was wrong in that matter.
4. Off topic: I came across a therapist, that has significant experience of using Bac (100+ cases), and he insists none of his patients had any serious side effects. This is my experience as well. Perhaps we do have a good brand in Poland.
Allow me to summarize my way, I hope to get some feedback to reassure myself everything is going in the right direction. I've been on the allowed 100 mg for a couple of months, hoping it will contribute to my will to stop abusing alcohol. Obviously it didn't. Then I titrated to 250 mg, but I was still heavily addicted and had several 3-4 days sessions. I was asked by my girlfriend to move out of the house, and as a drunk, I thought: Oh yeah? You don't want me? I have my honour, therefore f**k you and see for yourself if you really prefer being left alone with a small child over my harmless usage of alcohol. I moved out to a hotel for over two weeks, where, you guessed it, I drank the whole time (currently I don't work).
It took me a week to recover, but I said: enough is enough, I'm quitting alcohol even if this means white knuckling. Being AF for almost 40 days came relatively easy (apart from insomnia), additionally, I took better care of not forgetting or missing my Bac doses. Although completely sceptical, I gave AA a chance, and came to like it. The groups I attend are small, with 8-15 attendees, and the meetings themselves are not alcohol-centric (which is not recommended in my case, google out Lesch typology, if you haven't done so already) but emotion-centric, I feel good and safe there, therefore I benefit from them.
Two days ago, being frustrated by not getting any employment offers, I decided to put myself through a test, and have a couple of drinks. Mentally I'm still on the stage of "I can control alcohol, as I did for many years". The test had to prove that I can drink on one evening and easily withstand cravings the next day. I can't recall any pleasure from those drinks, therefore I had no will at all to continue yesterday. I repeated that yesterday evening. It's 9:30 AM here, and I couldn't care less about having a beer - it seems pointless to me, based on experiences from the last two days, I would not expect any relief or well being. Yes, I'm afraid of the habit side of addiction, and will stay completely AF for the next month or two, but the change of how I perceive alcohol is dramatic. Yes, I'm still at the very beginning, but the questions or hypotheses I have are as follows:
1. Is this the switch? I've heard numerous times people just stopped caring about alcohol, but has it always been related to not having any pleasure even if you had it anyhow?
2. Has anyone had the experience, that you'd need to stay AF for some time for the Bac to actually kick in? I know stories of people drinking all the way up and suddenly stopping.
3. Give AA a chance. I don't think I would benefit anyhow from a huge gathering of 100+ people, but the groups I found are small, everyone knows each other, there is a significant representation of atheists or agnostics, and I'm happy to have proved myself I was wrong in that matter.
4. Off topic: I came across a therapist, that has significant experience of using Bac (100+ cases), and he insists none of his patients had any serious side effects. This is my experience as well. Perhaps we do have a good brand in Poland.
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