I'm leaving My Way Out

[Ne/Neva Eva]

What do you think, Lex?

Well NE, since you asked, here is what I think:

You have a big ego. Like me. In your case (like mine did for so many decades), it is getting in the way of resolving your drinking problem. If you could look at it objectively, you would see that you should:

FIRST, decide for once and for all whether you have a drinking problem worthy of your diligent and arduous exploration.

If not: stop dwelling on it and simply keep rolling as you are now rolling.

But if so:

SECOND:

Plan A: Quit drinking immediately, just for 180 days. During this time period, play around with your baclofen dose. This should be a sufficient time period for you to stabilize your baclofen dose. After 180 days, you can reintroduce alcohol, if you wish, and see if and how it works for you.

Plan B: If you cannot quit drinking immediately, go to AA and see if that will help you go sober for 180 days. Then, repeat Plan A.

Plan C: If AA doesn't get you sober, enter a rehab for a few weeks and see if that works. Then, repeat Plan A.

lex

Okay. First one is taken care of in terms of whether or not I truly and completely believe I'm an alcoholic. That was taken care of the first time I did the 12 steps, in the mid-1990s. I admitted and then I confessed and then I made amends and then I sponsored others.

Since that time, science has evolved and a lot has changed. Perhaps my ego still needs the ego check of the 4th/5th/6th steps, but there has never been a time when I didn't know I was alcoholic and in need of help.

So 3 rehabs, 20 years in and out of the rooms, and 4 months on baclofen later, what I realized is that in order to get more than 30 days sober I need medication.

That was 5 years ago. I am pretty sure that I've never had 180 days without alcohol. I am VERY sure that I have had 360 (x3) days without worrying or thinking about alcohol. During that time, it didn't affect my life and I didn't care about it.

So now that you know that I have done rehab (3x) and AA for more than 20 years, including the 12 steps (twice), what would you suggest? Especially knowing that the only time during all of that time that I had more than 30 days free of alcohol (EDIT: outside of rehab) was after I started taking baclofen?

In case it's in question, I'm still convinced that I suffer from alcoholism. It sucks. I also know for fact that I did not actually suffer from alcoholism when I was taking enough baclofen.

Peace out.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

FIRST, decide for once and for all whether you have a drinking problem worthy of your diligent and arduous exploration.

Also, to be totally clear, I am married to a man who has also had alcoholism which was in remission because of baclofen. There is no fooling him, and he doesn't let me fool myself about that stuff either.

The other thing is that I have a therapist that I see weekly, for at least an hour, sometimes two hours, who is also completely clear about the fact that I have alcoholism. Like me/us, she does not see this as an issue of ego, or morality, or even spiritual malaise.

Like us, she respects the science that shows it's a chemical imbalance.

No denial here, brother. Just sayin'

[Ne/Neva Eva]

NE -you have got to let this crap go. Get on with positive things that help you become sober and happy. Just dang NE, please try to move forward and let go of the anger and resentments. Alcohol is your one and only opponent right now -not other people or other 'things'. Right now, alcohol needs you to be angry or upset with me and/or others in order to survive and be with you. Please, continue to dislike me or whatever else it takes, but just help your self to be free and content -get rid of the Firewater and get your life back (or create an even better life).

You have nothing to do with my sobriety. You're a malicious pathological liar.

[Spiritfree]

NE -you have got to let this crap go. Get on with positive things that help you become sober and happy. Just dang NE, please try to move forward and let go of the anger and resentments. Alcohol is your one and only opponent right now -not other people or other 'things'. Right now, alcohol needs you to be angry or upset with me and/or others in order to survive and be with you. Please, continue to dislike me or whatever else it takes, but just help your self to be free and content -get rid of the Firewater and get your life back (or create an even better life).

NE -you are 100% correct: I have absolutely nothing to do with your sobriety -but you do.
--sf--

[dundrinkn]

NE -you have got to let this crap go. Get on with positive things that help you become sober and happy. Just dang NE, please try to move forward and let go of the anger and resentments. Alcohol is your one and only opponent right now -not other people or other 'things'. Right now, alcohol needs you to be angry or upset with me and/or others in order to survive and be with you. Please, continue to dislike me or whatever else it takes, but just help your self to be free and content -get rid of the Firewater and get your life back (or create an even better life).

NE -you are 100% correct: I have absolutely nothing to do with your sobriety -but you do.
--sf--

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ss2hULhXf04

[lex]

NE- I sympathize with your situation. I don't have any other good ideas, and I reallze it is pointless for me to preach my purportedly "good" ideas anyway. lex

[lex]

I should point out, I am not a doctor.

[lex]

But I'll take a look! :congratulatory:

[lex]

I saw that sentiment on a black teeshirt worn by a greasy-haired carnival worker at the Maine State Fair last year. Pretty spooky!

[Spiritfree]

This is a great question. Does the pain come back once the alcohol is out of your system? Thanks for posting.

Hi Dunn -your cartoon post was incredibly funny -thank you for posting.

Please answer the question that was asked --- to help us all better understand. You said that "the pain goes away once you start drinking". Does the pain return once you stop drinking?

Perhaps Terry K can jump in and help you to better respond in answering?

[Ne/Neva Eva]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ss2hULhXf04

[Ne/Neva Eva]

NE- I sympathize with your situation. I don't have any other good ideas, and I reallze it is pointless for me to preach my purportedly "good" ideas anyway. lex

Thank you. I suppose sympathy is better than nothing.

I don't think I need good "ideas". I just need support. I need people who aren't going to be judgmental about the fact that I'm still struggling. It would be really nice if people didn't rub salt in the wound, too. I've never claimed or tried to be a poster child. In fact, if you read my thread, it's just the opposite.

At some point baclofen will work. Or it won't and I'll keep drinking against my will. Would that make everyone more comfortable? I mean, everyone other than me...

I started at 20mg of baclofen on January 1, 2016. I'll let you know how it goes on my own thread, when I don't have to respond to all the other stuff...

[Ne/Neva Eva]

I should point out, I am not a doctor.

But I'll take a look! :congratulatory:

I saw that sentiment on a black teeshirt worn by a greasy-haired carnival worker at the Maine State Fair last year. Pretty spooky!

Okay. I gotta admit that those posts took me more than a minute to digest and put together.

They are meant to go together, right? Because that's funny. Really funny, given the circumstances.

If I'm being naive and whatnot, then just ignore me and move on.

[Spiritfree]

Thanks, Bacman.

It's hard to get, and stay, sober. It just is. I can't punish myself for something I feel is beyond my control. On the other hand, I wonder how other people can control it for (say) 200++ days when I have never been able to get 30 consecutive days together without taking a pill (baclofen). I wonder what it's going to take for me to get sober and stay abstinent for a while. And I wonder why it's so fucking hard, even with baclofen.

Just like we're all trying to do.

Ne -you already know what it takes to quit drinking; a definite hard commitment to quitting and then let Baclofen do 'its thing". One other note for you and all the other readers; you can take all the Baclofen or other medications in the world that you want, but you will not stop reaching for that 'quick' fix to change your brain's thinking until you are ready to believe in yourself -regardless of others or anything. Just a thought NE.

Edit: Every time that you start to think about drinking once that you quit drinking, think about me. Think about telling that low-life sob that you are sober, that you did it with the help of Baclofen, and that he (I-me) can go jump off a cliff without a parachute.

And you need to first start by changing your avatar picture -it sucks and it is depressing.

[knobert]

What is happening here!? --- what is happening here!!!???

I feel like Major Hochstetter from Hogan's Hero's when he has no clue what is going on.



Ne, you're not leaving anything. Let's get that BS out of the way right now!



You have used Baclofen and quit drinking and know first hand what "indifference" is as it pertains to one who was alcohol dependent.

What happened after that, why you did whatever you did, or why things happened that led you to lose that "indifference", doesn't matter anymore.....It's done!! And it is nobody's business.



You have done and still do amazing things! Firstly, you conquered your alcohol dependency and achieved indifference.

Secondly, you posted on this forum and made yourself available for anyone and everyone who really needed guidance and support in their fear.

You are selfless in being open and honest in your own experiences and struggles with your own life even though it is nobody's business.



You say it's because you love to write. You definitely love to write, but I'm aware you don't have to write about that and I know why you do.

Also, through all this stuff that is going on with your life, you manage to hit the books and achieve your goal. Not just achieve it, but with honors!!

Thirdly --- you haven't turned your dog into a rug yet --- if you do, I would like to buy it and put it in my home office to scare the hell out of my cats.

Fourthly --- you haven't killed Ed yet either, although I'm kinda pullin' for him. Us guys gotta' stick together.



Ne, I read these posts very quickly and I'm not sure what's really going on.



Ne, you know you can reach indifference to alcohol again. I know if I had to do it again, I could. I can say this because of all the help you and others here, but mostly you gave me.



I owe my life to numerous things and people in my struggle to defeat alcohol dependence, but every time I think about it, your name comes to mind.



Ne, in your posts, you are never asking for help. You are always telling us of your struggles and offering advice. If you were the one needing input or support, your thread would go off the charts. I would gladly give you my home number and address. You can call anytime, day or night, and I know I am just one in a long line of people who feel like I do. I have read many of the posts on this forum and I know that your line of friends is long. With a pedigree like that, how could you possibly fail in anything you try?



Maybe that is SF's comorbid condition. He doesn't have any friends.



If that's not it, Ne and I know what it is...



He's a half bubble off plumb!



Knobert :thumbsup: