Getting to 75mg was difficult, because I was still drinking. When drunk, I'd forget to take my evening dose. Hell, the whole concept of midday meds threw me so I would often take that late afternoon because I had forgotten about it. A pill dosage box and alarms on the phone would help here, had I thought about it.
Once I hit the switch at 75mg, the world suddenly opened up. I could not remember being so calm, happy and focused for a long, long time. Oh, and that little annoyance called cravings? None, simply no interest. That blew me away.
I had some fatigue during going up with Bac, but they didn't last. It is akin to jet lag - a sudden exhaustion, usually that comes in waves for me. Sometimes though I would go to bed mid-afternoon and go into a deep sleep for an hour. That may have been partly coming off AL too, not sure.
What I didn't account for was stress. My mother had a stroke and went to hospital. She was significantly affected, and we thought she was going to die. I stopped everything to be with her. After 2 weeks of this I became depressed. It wasn't long before I saw AL as the solution.
Drinking while taking Bac was different. Better, in that I could function the next day instead of lying in bed for most of it, but hardly ideal. I still did stupid things while drunk, I still had hang-overs with the nausea, fatigue and vague head. I still hated it.
So now I'm on 170mg, having titrated up to 175mg 12 days ago and hit the switch. I have just dropped down 5mg the last two days to try to counter the fatigue, which had not relented since I titrated up. I also varied the dosage regime -- before it was 50mg am/75mg midday or mid afternoon/50mg before bed. I swapped the larger dose for the lower evening dose ( as well as reducing the larger dose by 5mg) I am not sure which made the difference -- or if it was neither -- but I am feeling better. I had about an hour of feeling peaceful, really calm yesterday, but haven't experienced this for an extended period as I did when on 75mg before hitting the crisis point I mentioned.
Ameisen mentioned taking 25mg extra in times of stress, albeit with some fatigue. He also mentioned other avenues for reducing stress -- exercise, etc.
So I am working on a plan to ensure my sobriety that doesn't just rely on my daily Bac maintenance dose:
-- Take an extra 25mg when in times of stress -- feeling very depressed or thinking about a drink
-- Not for everyone, but I ask myself: 'How do I feel?' This helps me get centred and acknowledge that what I feel is actually anxiety, fear, whatever. Then I have something to work with.
-- Exercise. I've started with 10 minutes a day on the exercise bike. This has already made a tremendous difference
-- Mindfulness. Making a point of looking around me when outside, taking it all in rather than being stuck in my head. Listening to my children rather than trying to do something else at the same time.
-- Meditation (which is really mindfulness). I have a series of 10min meditations that I loved and I am trying to find again.
Interested to hear what other 'insurance policies' you guys have to ensure good mental health and to avoid going back to drinking. Oh, another one I forgot to include was, riding my motorcycle .
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