My baclofen journey

[Mentium]

Hi Ne. I have started a backup forum. It was basically in case we lost this one for any reason. It is a skeleton with only a few boards so people have somewhere to go if this one drops for any reason. It is at: Home | Ourwayout

Separately I am in the process of putting together a baclofen only forum with a bit more meat on its bones as the time seems to be right for such a place. That won't be ready for at least a couple of weeks and I don't really want it to go live until after I have reached the switch dose - assuming I do.

I could have sworn I saw a link to a different forum. Wasn't that here? Would someone direct me.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

oops. I quoted when I didn't mean to...

Just a little update

I went up to 315
Using various different bacs and although I was drinking less it was still up to 2 bottles of wine a day.
Well,I decided to go down and basically start from scratch using just the Mylan that my doctor prescribed and a couple of days after I am only able to drink about 250ml of wine before I want s cup of tea and something sweet (I never usually eat sweet things at all)
Slyhough if I go out I can drink through this but at home I don't want to over drink which although not indifferent I think this is significant.
So not sure wether to go up or down at this point (am on 270mg and my switch first time was 180mg)... Because I don't want to loose this newfound state but 270 seems to be soo much.
Others will disagree but I'm sure it's because of the different Bac I'm using so will look to topping up my script with a large order from Goldpharma of Mylan 25 mg

Sit tight, Nic! Some people find that as they go down from a high place, they find that they are less apt to drink. We refer to it as drinking through the switch. I'm not sure what it's all about.

My original switch was 320mg. I know people who have gone as high as 460mg. I was all the way up to 420mg this time around and realized that something was just awry.

What I'm saying is that in the actual literature, written by doctors, getting into the 300s is okay. But I've never really read from the research of people needing to get above 400. And I know that I have some other things I need to focus on in order to stop drinking. I have to be really committed to it! And at the moment, I'm not. Which makes me a bit ashamed and embarrassed to admit. In my defense, I have a whole ton of things going on and deadlines to reach that are my sole focus right now. My drinking isn't negatively affecting my life in any dramatic way. I'm drinking much less than I used to when I was desperately seeking the switch (back in 2011). And I spent almost 4 years indifferent and sober and happy about it. I know I'll get there again.

In other words, don't let my experience sway you from your focus or your commitment to baclofen. In my humble opinion, indifference is worth just about everything you can throw at it. Even if it's tons of baclofen.

Hang in there, my friend. :hug:

[Mentium]

Upped my dose to 130 today and took 40 at one go for the first time. Definitely had some weird effects including lots of patterns in my vision with my eyes closed, some quite intense shocks in my hands and falling asleep for half an hour early in the evening and having some very weird dreams. Nothing alarming really though.

Odd thought a bit later. Do I want to actually stop drinking? Given the apparent impact of the last lot of pills I found myself wondering if I might be close to the elusive switch and would I want to stop at that point. I like the notion of the 'addictive voice', the 'lizard brain' that craves one's drug of choice at a deep visceral level that takes no heed or notice of good sense or even self preservation. I can only assume that it is beginning to panic a bit!

[Spiritfree]

You are automatically banned from there. I can tell the difference between honest differences of opinion and troll like language designed to drip innuendo and sarcasm into every sentence. It is quite clear why you are so disliked here.

And if you think you might sneak in and lurk, your posting style and poor English, as well as the rather inept way you express yourself stand out a mile.

Mentium, please understand that I never expected to be accepted on the new forum that you have created. Regardless, I am glad that you have taken the time and energy to create a site that furthers the exploration of medications for alcoholism.

As far as being a troll, Ment, you are missing the mark with regards to me. You have been told that I am a troll, you do not like my comments or opinions, and you have other negative thoughts about me. As difficult as it may seem to understand right now, I am not the troll 'you' believe me to be, nor am I a mean spirited person. Instead, I believe that I am an alcoholic just like you and I suffer in many of the same ways that you do -alcohol or no alcohol.

You do happen to be 100% correct about my by "poor English" and writing abilities. Trust me, I do feel 'less than' when it comes to my communication skills and abilities. I was profoundly lucky to get one degree and I had to attend a remedial grammar/English course three times to even be able to move forward in working towards a degree -I think that the English professor finally felt sorry enough for me to go ahead and give me a passing grade.

Ment -you are correct in your statement that "it is never too late" to quit drinking. You are living proof of that. I do hope that others take note.

[Mentium]

Please note that I don't read posts from you any more, so I suggest you don't waste your time. I have far better things to focus on.

[Mentium]

I went out this afternoon forgetting to take the dose I normally take at lunch time and it was two hours after my the usual time before I took the pills. Today this feels like hard work and a bit of a balancing act. It is a bit like climbing a rickety tower which, given you can't just stop dead and jump down leaves one feeling a bit vulnerable. It is a big commitment and requires a degree of determination to see through to the end. I think that is something that should be stressed with other newcomers here when they are looking for guidance. Not that I am blaming anyone here for not warning me. I actually knew from the reading I did before hand - really quite a lot - that it required a certain level of commitment to see it through - which I fully intend to. The reality is something else of course. Like I said - feels tough today, especially with the desired outcome still out of reach.

I'm also suffering from quite severe anxiety from alcohol, I suspect in partnership with the baclofen, which doesn't help. Still I'm at 130 mg today and will keep going! Struggling a bit but not giving up!

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Remind me how much you drink, and for how long? And when was your last period of sobriety/abstinence?

And you've been at 130 for a day, right? Maybe 2?

Sorry about the hand sparks and the anxiety. I can't really remember what the anxiety was like, but I remember the hand sparks...Not fun, but then you kinda get used to it. Then it stops and something else starts. ha! (Not always. Don't worry.)

[Spiritfree]

Please note that I don't read posts from you any more, so I suggest you don't waste your time. I have far better things to focus on.

Hi Ment -now you sound like my wife and adult son-they do not read nor listen to anything that I say either I think my Basset hound -Flash- is the only one who listens to me and that is only because he is too lazy to get up and walk away. LOL-but true.

[Mentium]

As these things go I don't drink as heavily as many do. I was probably one of the lowest in terms of consumption that attended AA at my local branch! About a bottle and a half of wine every evening - a tad more now perhaps. Too much of course - I don't minimise it. If I had even been able to go two or three evenings a week alcohol free I might have lived with that as a 'problem' as it would not have created the mind numbing anxiety that comes with daily drinking. But I never managed to. Instead I would get to this stage of affairs and then decide I had to 'quit for good' and I would do that with a lot of motivation. Last year I stayed sober for ten months as a result. It was at the end of that, last November, that I started again, just a few weeks after my dad died and I pressed the f**k it button. I do think the acuteness of the anxiety is worse with the baclofen. So be it. I will have to live with that for now.

I feel I've been in a bit of a race for the bac to kick in before the anxiety almost cripples me! I've been on 130 for two days yes.

Remind me how much you drink, and for how long? And when was your last period of sobriety/abstinence?

And you've been at 130 for a day, right? Maybe 2?

Sorry about the hand sparks and the anxiety. I can't really remember what the anxiety was like, but I remember the hand sparks...Not fun, but then you kinda get used to it. Then it stops and something else starts. ha! (Not always. Don't worry.)

[Ne/Neva Eva]

hmmm.

First of all, that's how much I drank. Granted, I'm a chick. But a bottle and a half of wine is not inconsequential. (I sorta hate the mindset that we all have to be bottom of the barrel, gutter drunks, before we decide to do something about it. However, I was at the bottom of my barrel and not far from everything falling apart when I decided to start baclofen.) I drank more on the weekends or when I could get away with it, though.

Anyway. The anxiety...I think that most of us (maybe not all, but most) found that baclofen was an anxiolytic in a really fundamental way. It may not last, it may not be a cure-all, the way it is for booze, but it definitely changed my anxiety permanently. Have you read Cassander's thread about anxiety? Maybe that'll give you some much needed hope? If you can't find it, I'll find it for you. Let me know.

I'm hoping that 140 is going to bring you some relief! Doctor's recommendations is to go up every 3-7 days, right? So...

[Mentium]

Please don't bring this issue here. I have him on ignore and I can't if you quote him on my thread. I'm with you on your view of this person, but please.

[Molly78]

I was the same - bottle & a half each night, sometimes more, daytime drinking at the weekend on top of that. I remember the anxiety as being a part of the drinking ritual, the sort of increasing tension mid afternoon, looking at the watch, calculating how long til I could get home & open the bottle, rushing through everything at the end of the day, then ahhhh......that first hit of alcohol! Immediate relief from anxiety. That was it of course - as soon as the bottle was opened, nothing else got done.

So for me,some of the "anxiety" was mixed up with the craving. Once the craving has gone, that sort of anxiety goes with it - well mostly. I think I am quite an anxious person generally, a bit of a perfectionist, a bit OCD. Perhaps that personality type predisposes you to alcoholism?

I think baclofen has allowed me to drop some other anxieties as well, the sort of thoughts that go round & round in your head, about stuff you can't do anything about. With indifference to alcohol I'm finding I'm indifferent to some of the more intrusive worries that used to bug me constantly.

This is a rather incoherent post I fear.

[Mentium]

Incoherent - not at all! I think you articulate the vicious circle of drinking/anxiety/drinking really well. It is one I have long recognised but for me, as you, an anxious person by nature, the lure of alcohol as a 'cure' for it was there from the start. Of course the cure eventually makes the problem much worse. That I suspect makes those of us who are prone to being anxious by nature also prone to problem drinking. It might also be part of the reason why we are prone to relapsing time and again.

[Spiritfree]

Spirit, they are not listening to you because they are insane. Just like everyone on this forum is insane. Just like everyone else in the entire world is insane.

Demon Dog Commands Berkowitz - YouTube

Fred, as much as you dislike me (can not stand me), and as much as I dislike what you say to me or about me, I have just go to say that that the 'demon dog' video caused me to LMAO. I certainly understand that it is/was not your intention to help me have a better day in any way, but this video did just that.

Fred, I happened to find a Basset Hound video that, well, reminds me a little bit of you -lol.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HoMU09pbpjI

[Ne/Neva Eva]

...

I remember the anxiety as being a part of the drinking ritual, the sort of increasing tension mid afternoon, looking at the watch, calculating how long til I could get home & open the bottle, rushing through everything at the end of the day, then ahhhh......that first hit of alcohol! Immediate relief from anxiety. That was it of course - as soon as the bottle was opened, nothing else got done.



So for me,some of the "anxiety" was mixed up with the craving. Once the craving has gone, that sort of anxiety goes with it - well mostly. I think I am quite an anxious person generally, a bit of a perfectionist, a bit OCD. Perhaps that personality type predisposes you to alcoholism?



I think baclofen has allowed me to drop some other anxieties as well, the sort of thoughts that go round & round in your head, about stuff you can't do anything about. With indifference to alcohol I'm finding I'm indifferent to some of the more intrusive worries that used to bug me constantly.



This is a rather incoherent post I fear.

Yes, yes and YES!



I called it the white hot need. The ache in the belly. The feeling when things weren't going well at work and I wasn't going to get off at my normal hour. Oh my god, the anxiety of that. The anger! Holy wow. I don't think I'll ever forget that feeling. If that's what you're talking about, Mentium, well have no fear. That just disappears. Really and truly.



As to the rest of what you wrote, I agree with that, too, Molly. I don't know if there's a personality type (perhaps because I hate to be labelled, especially when it's with something negative and we are all so disparate). But I have similar personality characteristics.



And yes to the intrusive thoughts, too. Though they came back. I can't say if it's because of the amount of time I've been on baclofen or because I have changed my dose so radically over the last 4 1/2 years. But I will say, I am still a lot calmer than I used to be. I mean literally. I used to startle very, very easily. Loud noises, bumps, my husband intentionally made noise when he came home or moved from room to room. (Seriously.) That's gone now. As is my totally and completely over-reactive irrational fear of spiders. They don't bother me anymore. Sadly, the completely irrational fear of sharks remains. And we live a mile from the ocean.