My baclofen journey

[Danathos]

im currently on 70,70,60 for total of 200mg a day, think im gonna leave it there a while myself

[Mentium]

The toughest day so far this last ten days. I can't say I have any cravings as such but I am feeling deeply depressed and the thought of a drink to escape that is tempting. My father died a little over a year ago leaving my mother, who lives a mile away (they moved to this neck of the woods because they were getting on and I'm an only child..). We were very close, especially as I got older and his death has shaken me more than I could have anticipated. My mother is 89 now and although she is amazing for her age - alert, fairly fit and so on, the loss of my dad has knocked the stuffing out of her. I see her most days and she comes dog walking with me regularly. Add to that one of the darkest and wettest Novembers and Decembers ever (including the floods) - and it has left me in a pretty bleak place off and on.

A drink or two would banish all that at least for a while, but I am not going to go there. There's no booze in the house in any case and I have a SMART on-line meeting in half an hour too, which will probably perk me up a bit. Talking of which I received their handbook in the mail a couple of days ago. Very interesting reading and useful techniques around preventing relapses. The baclofen seems to make that rather less likely too.

I don't know if it comes over here but I do try to be positive and up-beat. I like to find the positives where they are to be found, but some days life just feels pretty tough.

[Molly78]

You do come over as positive. And rational. And thoughtful. But those attributes can't always keep the black dog at bay.

Hang in there.

[Molly78]

PS. Why not go & see your GP about putting up the dose of your antidepressant? Recent anniversary of father's death, newly sober, local floods & devastation - all these things you have alluded to will be impacting on your mood. It wouldn't hurt to just have a chat with him/her.

[Mentium]

The day before yesterday I drank a bottle of wine in the evening. The reason I didn't post here yesterday was because I was afraid it might be the beginning of yet another cycle of 'drink til you can't stand it any more' followed by a terrifying dryout period - the story of my life.

Anyway it wasn't and isn't. I am back on the 'straight and narrow', which when you think about it is not a good term. One has much more flexibility in life when one is AF.

No alcohol yesterday and no intention of getting back on the roller coaster. Perhaps that too is a baclofen effect. In the past once that dam had been breached I would have been off and away - and I was worried about that happening.

My last post should have been a warning to me. My depression has always been a factor in my drinking and this is one of the lowest perods I can remember for quite a few years. I will take your advice Molly if it returns as severely. Today is better though. The sun is out, behind the fog anyway and I am feeling a little less down altogether.

I will just add that it is great to be out of the AA mind-set - if not totally, at least to a great extent. In AA any 'relapse' is thought of as a disaster. The clock is reset, your past progress discounted and devalued and your 'disease' has won the day. Oddly, despite it being a progressive illness (apparently) your morals are in question if you can't stay sober. Go figure. A very sick approach.

Anyway I'm feeling much more positive today!

[kuya]

Good for you mentium.

Change your mind and you change the world ! :thumbsup:

[Mentium]

Well it is two days now since my 'slip', if that is the right word for it. I am back on the journey and have had no desire to drink for the last couple of days. The baclofen? I know in the past a night back on the booze has tended to mean another journey down the slippery slope to the crazy place where alcohol just makes me nuts with anxiety and whatever else it does to my head - none of it good!

There's a bit of me that just feels I have had enough of it all and I've learnt a lesson. But then I suppose any sense of take it or leave it would probably not be present without the baclofen. Still no desire to 'replace' the alcohol with ladle loads of sugar either so something is happening. One day's drinking in two weeks is definitely progress!

[Mentium]

Holy crap!

Had a note through my door saying there is a delivery waiting for me at the post office. It is the baclofen I ordered from InHouse. The damn gummint want £32 duty paid (about $50!)

[Mentium]

Well it is two weeks today (excluding a slip - in which case it is just 12 days) since I last drank. I haven't posted much here this last few days because there's really not a lot to report. Plus the meds forum seems to have gone pretty quiet for whatever reason.

I am not struggling to stay sober. Now there's a statement I should make a big fat note of in my diary (except I don't keep one!). Still on 80 mg of baclofen and that seems to take the edge off. I might try to reduce it a little in a few days and see what happens.

Hope everyone is well. Life here is pretty gloomy at the moment. It hardly seems to get light what with the wet weather on top of the short days. I always look forward to Christmas as it marks the middle of winter and the slow march back into the lighter days. Most years we have it with my parents and my daughter. This year my father is no longer with us and my daughter will be at her mother's for the first time in about ten years. So there will be just three of us. Can't complain as we have had her all to ourselves all these years. She is 26 after all.

Anyway I digress, mostly because there is not a lot to say on the balclofen score. Oh - attended a couple of on-line SMART meetings but I am beginning to find them a bit limiting. About 20 - 25 people attend them and they last about 90 minutes. Everyone introduces themselves and says a few words about how they are doing, them the moderator teases out an agenda, then everyone gets a chance to say there bit about the subject and then everyone says goodbye and what they got out of the meeting. In all people get to talk a total of about two minutes each I would say. I am not complaining as the medium is what it is and as there is no local meeting it is great that they are available via the wonders of modern technology. I will make the effort to drive the 80 miles to the nearest meeting as soon as the days get a bit loner.

[Molly78]

Really good news, Mentium! Sober plus no cravings! Maybe the SMART meetings would be more important to you if you were struggling? Do the other people mention that they are on any treatment, or is that sort of discussion not allowed?

[nicnak68]

Update on my story
After a second visit to my gp practice I'm refused any meds whilst on Baclofen as they don't know how they will interact with off label Bac.Basically they are refusing to treat me if I'm on Bac so my only choice was to stop it now and I'm almost off it it now.They won't even give me anything to do with anti depressants and have in effect washed there hands if me

[Lostinspace]

Mentium - Congratulations on two weeks sober! That’s so awesome that it hasn’t been a struggle for you this time. Even on a lower dose that doesn’t give you side effects you can still benefit greatly. Sorry everything’s so gloomy there right now. I can relate, unfortunately. It’s been constant gray and rain the past few weeks, and it’s dark both when I go into work and when I come home. It’s depressing as hell. But at least it’s no longer a reason to drink, right? Let’s just hope that transition to longer days hurries up and gets here.

nicnak - Oh my god, I’m so sorry your doctors did that to you! Is there any chance you can see another doctor?

[Mentium]

Not so far Molly. it hasn't come up but I get a sense it would not be all that well received. The online meetings aren't really conducive to 'chatting' as such. You tend to have to arrive with a clear idea of what toy want to say and opening up a subject for discussion like this one is not the easiest thing.

Nicnak - so sorry to hear about your GP problems. Are you going to go along with him/her? You could always try another medic.

Really good news, Mentium! Sober plus no cravings! Maybe the SMART meetings would be more important to you if you were struggling? Do the other people mention that they are on any treatment, or is that sort of discussion not allowed?

[Molly78]

Nicnak - don't accept that - you have a right to ask for a second opinion. The only interactions with antidepressants given in the BNF (the bible of UK prescribers) is that tricyclics, which are rarely used these days, potentiate the muscle relaxant effect of baclofen. Admittedly I only have the 2009 edition at home to check, but I don't think a lot has changed. FFS, your lazy GP only has to open a book to find out what interacts with what! "Don't know how they will interact" is a feeble excuse to punish you for taking your treatment into your own hands.

[Mentium]

Well it is 18 days, barring a slip on the 13th (I think it was). I have no real news to post other than to say to any newcomers who might be browsing that I have responded well to baclofen and it seems to have reduced and pretty much eliminated cravings - and at a relatively low dose (I'm steady at 80 mgs). I didn't go the whole hog to reach that state of 'indifference' though I suspect it was within reach, but for whatever reason baclofen seems to have made me not miss alcohol or crave it since I stopped drinking. It is a pretty special feeling and certainly unusual for me. In the past periods of abstaining have meant a constant struggle to ignore or overcome the desire to drink. Now it simply isn't there.

I met an old AA mate in the supermarket yesterday. Chatting, he told me that he attends meetings 3 to 4 times a week. He's been more or less sober for about 4 years as I recall. He asked me rather bluntly I though if I was 'you know?'. I simply said I'm doing OK with the help of a drug called baclofen. He didn't even ask me what it was though he did comment that it was good to hear of people who get sober without the help of AA. There's a certain arrogance in that view I think, but so be it - it isn't his fault he sees it as the only game in town. Each to their own.

Anyway I'm still here. Not a great deal to post about when one is sober. Perhaps that explains in part why some of the success stories here don't keep posting. It is pretty quiet!