Here I come again?

[Stevo]

So after 3 years,2 of which were abstinent and 1 was of indifference I am going to start a new thread.

I am in a situation where through my own actions my life has been almost annihilated.I have had a lot go on in the last 6 months, I was approached by someone I never thought I would hear from again,my mother is an alkie who has pancreatitus and she won't stop drinking,I apparently have made a huge mistake that there is no coming back from, I am depressed and have drank more in the last 2 weeks than I have in years.There may be a few more issues?

I am drunk and stoned as I write this so please forgive my lack of etiquette, The purpose or intention of this thread is to hopefully record a comeback.

I feel that via baclofen is the best way to do this and am hoping for the best.

There is so much to say but I am too wasted.

Apologies to LIS for such a similar name ,let's see where this goes...

[Pie]

Hi Stevo, I can relate to your feelings over the damage done to your life while drinking. There are many fine people here who have come back from that very same place. You can find your way out too.

Best,
Pie

[Neo]

Hi Stevo,
It doesn't take too much to send us overboard. I did that after 3 months in 2014 and went straight back to heavy drinking and smoking (regular, never been a pot smoker). I have done that a few times and had to go through all the crap again but if you don't leave it too long I would do it sooner rather than later. I wanted to quit in November last year and let it drag on till 9 days ago. I look at the time and money I've wasted since November. So far, I have had 8 days 3hrs 58 mins sober and saved $244 this time round.

I wouldn't beat yourself up too much as the brain can bring up lots of terrible thoughts. I'm useless, I'm hopeless, I'm a failure and it's worse in the hungover , first few days of quitting phase

I know I have to take care not to relapse

Have you considered joining this thread https://www.mywayout.org/community/ju...call-2047.html when you quit next time

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Hiya, Stevo. I'm really sorry for what you're going through. I know JUST what that feels like. That was me last spring. The difference is I wasn't willing to share about and get help and support. I was much too embarrassed and in too much pain to talk about it. I'm glad you posted last night.

And Neo's right. The worst part of it all is the stuff your mind is telling you about how awful you are. Guess what that leads to? More drinks. Honestly, it's one of the best things about therapy...She doesn't let me get away with that inner monologue I have going on about being a failure. (Among many other things. My mind can be an evil bastard.)

So can you be really gentle and kind to yourself for a little while? Try and try and try again to be gentle and say nice things to yourself...

:hug:

[time2quit]

Hey stevo, hang in there. You know the best way to eat an elephant? One bite at a time.

marktwain118964.jpg

click image to see sorry so small.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Great quotes in your sig, Time2.

[MeJustMe]

Stevo I know you can do it. Simple. Not easy though. Keep in mind that once you hit the switch with Bac, being abstinent will help the anti-depressants do their job (you're still on them, yes?)

Hang in there mate.

[Lostinspace]

Stevo - I’m so sorry for everything you’ve been going through. Please be kind to yourself about the drinking. We’ve all (or at least most of us it seems) been there in some shape or form - reaching indifference for some period of time and then losing it somehow, then having to go up on bac to reestablish it. You’ll get there soon, too. Hang in there.

And you don’t have to apologize for taking a thread name similar to mine. I’m kinda flattered, actually

[frances]

Sorry to hear of your troubles Stevo. Glad you're here and talking about it! We will support you any way we can. You've done it before and you can do it again!

[dundrinkn]

Hope you're sleeping peacefully, my friend, and you wake to your new day feeling a bit lighter. Keep posting and we'll keep reading. Eventually we'll get to a better place. Yes, we will, darn it.

[Stevo]

Thanks everyone for the kind words.

LIS the title is a line from a song that I love by a guy that was a notorious addict and after 13 rehab attempts and countless near death experiences he found his recovery.

I switched last time at 142.5 and am currently on 162.5 divided into 3 doses and taken morning, noon and late afternoon.

Each day is different when it comes to how I am feeling mentally but the anti-depressants seem to be helping, I am not in the place that I was a few months ago. I was in a really bad place then...
Having just separated from my partner of almost 13 years is not so much the problem as it was a long time coming but she is making it very hard to communicate about my boys.
I am stuck in the dodgiest caravan park I have ever seen in a cabin with no air con or a fan and in the aussie sun.This has been my justification to drink each night(it is very hot where I am).

Concerning being a part of Newbies Nest,I will not go there as I don't hold to the ideals of recovery that I see in there.I do appreciate the encouragement though.
I don't count days and I actually believe that complete abstinence is not the answer either.
I am not the completely broken guy that you would see in AA on day 1.I know that getting back to where I was is completely possible and I don't need to be surrounded by people who think that they understand because they are somehow enlightened due to their own periods of abstinence.
I hope that didn't sound too harsh, it wasn't meant to. It is just that I have seen it all before.

Woke up feeling better than expected yet not as good as I know I could have if I didn't drink last night.

I will post again later today to let you all know whether I am drinking or not again, once again thanks to everyone.

Cheers Stevo.

[kronkcarr]

Stevo, hang tough. Waking feeling better than expected is good. Keep on. The ex and child issues drove me nuts. dun, I'm thinking about you with this issue too. For me time seemed to heal or help.

I'm not Pollyanna but I'm pretty certain life will get better.

[Stevo]

Yep I am smashed!

Tune in tomorrow for the next exciting installment of whatever this is called.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Sorry about the being smashed and the heat and the cabin. And the ex making it difficult to communicate about your kids.

Will tune in tomorrow. Wishing you a good night's rest and a good start to your day.

[Stevo]

I don't know if anyone else can relate to this but the anti-depressant that I am taking seems to act like a hangover cure.

I drank 18 beers last night and although I am not feeling 100% I am nowhere as hungover as one would expect.I have been noticing this over the last couple of weeks.I wake up about 6am and take my tablets and then go back to bed for a bit,when I wake up again I am feeling surprisingly healthy.

Anyway,I spent most of yesterday afternoon dealing with malicious messages from my ex's friends,it is very hard to keep my cool but so far I have.I am trying to make all this as easy on my kids as I possibly can but my ex has other ideas.It really is quite ridiculous the behaviour that I am seeing and I am absolutely amazed at all the people who have gotten themselves involved when it is not even any of their business.

It is Friday here so I think that I will probably drink again today but you never know.I wonder what today holds for me?

Thanks Ne and kronk for the encouragement,not too sure if this was an exciting installment but atleast it is an installment.

Hope all are well and I will try to post again later today,hopefully not as drunk as I was last night.