Here I come again?

[MeJustMe]

Stevo, my anti-depressants did zip for my hangovers, I would feel half-alive until lunchtime. On Bac, at least I can get on with the day from 8am, even though I still feel like death warmed up.

So I am on the red wine tonight. Sigh...

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Hi y'all.

I can't say that the ADs did anything for my hangovers, either. Bac did, back in the beginning. Now bac makes the hangovers make me not want to live anymore. lol.

Stevo, sorry about the break up and the nastiness. It is incredible how petty and irrational people can be in a divorce. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I'm glad you're trying to do the best for the kids and that they can (hopefully) be left out of it. Maybe she'll see rationally soon? I will hope for the best. How's your Saturday?

Sorry about the red wine, MJM. Tomorrow's another day!

I hope you two are hanging in there.

[Stevo]

Wound up really drunk last night and found myself in a text message conversation with my ex.I held it together pretty well and didn't become abusive or anything like that but I did tell her some truths about the situation that we are in.
In the end she told me that she was going to get an AVO on me but I have not once been threatening and if anything I have let her call all the shots.I have been as passive as I could possibly ever be because for me it is all about minimising damage to the kids.I just felt that some things needed to be said,her friends and herself have been like a pack of rabid hyenas feasting on a moribund animal.

I definitely think that the AD that I am on is doing something,I guess that these things are different for everyone as we already know.

I woke up this morning and felt a little indifferent to drinking today,I was going to go without but the guy who lives in the cabin next to me is an alkie and he wanted a lift to the bottleshop.When I got there the beer I drink was the cheapest I have seen it in a while so I have come back with a carton.
I haven't opened it yet and am in no hurry to start drinking.I know I will by the end of the day,it is so hot here I am sitting here typing with sweat dripping off of me.

I think my switch isn't far off.

Thanks for the replies and the PM MJM and Ne,hopefully I will get to post an update later today.

[Stevo]

Alright checking in as I said I was going to try to do earlier.

Pretty drunk but nowhere near as drunk as I have been the last few nights.I think it is doing it's magic,I will go up another 10 tomorrow if I am not convinced.

It has been an uneventful afternoon but I did get to 3D chat with another member which was awesome.

As I said I am not amazingly drunk yet I am still drunk.Good headspace here and I guess I will see what happens in the morning.

Have a great day to all

[daisy45]

Stevo, I was taking ADs towards the end of my drinking and found they dealt with the hangover too. The problem there is that I felt I could go on drinking as long as I had a supply of ADs. But that would be masking the problem. I made a decision to stop reordering my prescription as it was becoming a crutch.
I have now been off drinking and ADs 104 days. Cannot tell you how much better life looks....

[StuckinLA]

Just now catching up on this thread. Hang in there, Steveo. I know it's rocky and day to day where you're at - where any of us are at. Keep fighting the good fight.

[Stevo]

Thanks Daisy and Stuck for your input and encouragement.

I think that over the last few weeks I have been using the AD as some sort of rationale to keep drinking too,it is like having an AL loop hole.

I drank last night but not to excess,well kind of but today I am not going to drink at all and am looking forward to being able to string a few AF days together.
I really do think that the bac is doing what it does and I have woken up this morning once again in a state of what could only be called indifference.I have not had to go any higher than 162.5 which is good.
There is quite a bit for me to do today which will get me out of the cabin for most of the day.

I will try to post where I am at later this afternoon.

[time2quit]

Awesome Stevo! Let the good Bac do its thing and roll with the Indifference. I find if i get a thought about alcohol i just pick up a book or start looking stuff up on the internet and next thing you know its gone!

[Stevo]

Cheers time2quit.

It is 4:30 in the afternoon here and I haven't had a drink,still no real cravings(a couple of sneaky thoughts)and I spent a fair whack of today with a friend who was drinking.

It is certainly looking like I will be going to bed sober tonight.
I will be taking my last dose of bac in about an hour and then starting to cook my dinner.

It has been a good day.

[Stevo]

11:30 here and I am about to go to bed sober lol.

Stress free evening with no real cravings.The boredom is going to be the killer here,back to study tomorrow.

[Stevo]

Still not drinking and have been plugging away at my course.I have been going to the local library to use their free wifi and get out of the heat.There is only so much that can be done each day as my ex or one of her friends have stolen all my notes so I went and saw the course facilitator the other day to get my head around some things.This was a great help and she is willing to spend more time with me as I need it.

The caravan park that I am in is full of alkies and drug addicts who I am trying my best to avoid,I am finding it very lonely and boring which is a dangerous place for me to be due to the fact that for me drinking very easily solves both of these problems.
My ex and her friends have been on a very cunning and subtle harassment campaign against me via social media and they seem to think that it is funny and justified to crucify me.I am amazed at the people who have become involved when what has happened is not even any of their business.

Anyway,more study today and I am taking my son to go and buy some new soccer boots this afternoon,I got to speak to my boys last night for the first time in about a week and a half.

Will try to post an update later today.

[Stevo]

Nearly 6 PM here and I still haven't had a drink,I won't either.

This is definitely not the place for support at the moment lol I logged in earlier today and there were 51 people looking at the meds section yet I have not received a single reply,good thing i'm on bac because if I was solely relying on support I would be fucked by now

I got another module finished at the library today so there are 2 to go and my diploma will be done.I spent an hour or so with my boys who were very excited to see me and were like a couple of jumping beans,I get to take my son to soccer training tomorrow afternoon too.
They will also come and spend the night with me Saturday night which will be awesome.
I looked into getting some help with the ridiculous behaviour that I have been having to endure from my ex and her friends today and have an appointment next week to talk to someone about the issues that are arising because of the break up.
I spent quite a lot of my childhood in the system and was a ward of the state,I would never want my children to have to go through what I had to but my ex is saying that she is suicidal and I suspect that she is using drugs(well I know that she has been)and I am scared that she will do something unspeakable.
I have considered calling family services on her but at this stage just can't bring myself to do it as I don't want to throw my own children into the system.

I am a little amazed that I shared that but there it is anyway.

I will check back in later or tomorrow to post a new update.

[kronkcarr]

Hey Stevo,

I'm sorry that you feel unsupported. I get caught up in my crap and don't comment. I can't imagine the pressures you're under right now. But it looks like you're taking all the right steps. I'm glad it's working out so well with your school work. I'm also glad that things are positive with your sons.

It's got to be hard dealing with your ex and her friends. I remember my ex telling everyone that I was cheating. He couldn't see any other reason that I'd leave. Initially it crushed me but the people who mattered to me saw what was real. This will pass.

You're in my thoughts.

[dundrinkn]

Hi Stevo,
Good for you for not drinking. I understand how hard that is when you're dealing with crazy ex stuff. I hope you do get some help dealing with her. I don't know if I've read all of your posts and don't have time to go back at the moment, but is there a way you can have your kids more? Is there a reason she is the primary caregiver if she's so unstable? Can you approach her to have them more in a way that isn't threatening to her -- "I want to take the boys off your hands so you can have some time off and do some nice things for yourself." That type of bullshilt. Bottomline -- if you think she's going to hurt the kids, go balls to the wall to get them with you.

When I first left my ex, I stopped drinking. I wasn't using BAC yet and it was excruciatingly difficult. But I wanted the kids half time, and I knew she was so pissed at me that if she had any reason to deny me that (like I was drinking) she would. So hang in there.

Wow -- 50 people looking at the meds thread? I've never seen more than 10. But that's cool that that many people were on here at the same time. Though I'm sorry you got no support. That stinks.

Take good care today.

[Stevo]

Kronk and dun thanks for the encouragement and kind words.

Yeah 51 viewing the meds section,I was a little amazed too.I had never seen that many before.