My baclofen journey

[georgesmiley]

Re: My baclofen journey

Get yourself a Netfix subscription or if you have one watch a good comedy series to take you up to bed time.
n

I will check those out! Currently binge watching Schitt’s Creek. And Police Interceptors: The Middlesborough Years.

[georgesmiley]

Re: My baclofen journey

So - two weeks in, and no alcohol for those two weeks.

I'm 'only' taking about 130mg a day - which is low. However, when baclofene.com conducted an unscientific survey of their members, 1/3rd found indifference at 120mg or below and about 60% at 150mg or below - so I sit firmly in that sector.

I don't think I'm at true indifference yet, because I still worry that I'm not indifferent - I still think about booze, but I don't have that all encompassing craving any more. I think about it, put the kettle on, and make a cup of mint tea.

There are tough times ahead emotionally - many storms on the horizon. Maybe I'll snap? It's only two weeks after all. But it's the first two weeks in ten years... and now I'm also alone with myself a lot more. I drank not to be that. I don't like it, and I'm not sure what sort of person I can be sober.

I first started daytime drinking when I was about 20, but it came and went. I first went to see an alcohol counsellor around 28, and I found that worse than useless. I wobbled about for ten more years until, around 38, I took the plunge and fully committed to the booze. I miss it. I'm less 'fired up inside' with a burning, itching anxiety on baclofen, and that's great. But I do worry about my sober self!

[Guitarista]

Re: My baclofen journey

Hi George.

Congrat's on your sober time and having a crack at taking back your life.

Re sober self. I'm glad i stayed the course and allowed my sober self to emerge and rise. I had to keep an eye on him though, and set down a few rules. 2 + years sober at the minute has resulted in 3 guitar albums released and 2 Sth. American tours in this time. Would've been a 3rd tour this year if not for covid. Next album ready for release. Just dreams and talk when i was boozing.

Point here is this was my truth and passion, and there's a direct link between accomplishing something i love and ceasing booze. For others it might be getting in shape, new re, relay....rell.....er relationships, building a business, knitting, etc. etc. there are no limits when we stop the madness and turn our focus to what we love or on a goal. Keep it rolling friend. :thumbsup:

[georgesmiley]

Re: My baclofen journey

Three weeks in, no drinks.

And life has been gruesome - family life, daugher's mother, work etc. All preeeettttty gruesome. But I read a post on a different site from a woman whose only child was murdered, so actually, my world is pretty fantastic, compared to hers.

At times I've thought, 'I should drink right now, because this really would make this evening go with more of a swing. If not now, when?' But actually, it's stayed a theoretical wish. I couldn't muster the effort. I didn't really 'need' it. It almost felt like something I should do like going to the gym; a duty, which I'd probably enjoy when I get there, but which I can't really be bothered to do.

So - my 'switch' seems to be around 130-ish mg. I'll stay here for maybe six months, maybe a year, maybe forever. [MENTION=14524]_serenity_[/MENTION] how long did you stay/have you stayed at what dose? I know that [MENTION=22732]Baclofenman[/MENTION] weaned yourself off it completely.

I still look to the future and think: how on earth will I be with my friends? How will Christmas work? Holidays? These all seem like occasions where it'd be fun to drink, not part of the harmful pattern of drinking. But I can't quite see myself doing it. Lots of people talk about moderation, and I was never a binge drinker - I could always say no (after 1.5 bottles of wine and a couple of G&Ts!). But it feels like it would be a chore.

Ultimately, I drank because I'm quite prickly, racing thoughts, tormenting myself. Sober, I still am that person. I am a fun drunk - I don't fight, argue, puke, fall over. I giggle, let things go. Sobriety leaves me as something of a fish out of water. I mean, I'll be the designated driver. My Muslim friends will be pissed off they've lost their USP.

I read comments from the newly sober about how they find the joy of life, record guitar albums, do live shows, run 5 times a week, rekindle relationships. But that isn't what's happening to me, and it's not what I see happening to me in the future. Ultimately, many drunks quit the sauce as part of a much bigger project of life transformation. But, not to get too Chumbawumba, I've been knocked down and picked myself up again that man times that ultimately, now, I don't have the fight for another 'rebirth' moment.

Hey ho.

Not putting this out there for pity or sympathy - more putting it out there for all those drinkers who are looking for their way out, considering baclofen, but also feel slightly overwhelmed by the thought of having to do that and touring Latin America, taking up fell running, and generally being a Renaissance man... Ultimately, I feel like I'm going to be the antsy, irritable pedant that I was before (and while) I drank.

[_serenity_]

Re: My baclofen journey

Hi [MENTION=24582]georgesmiley[/MENTION],

I think it's a great idea to stay at your switch dose for as long as you can. 6 months is great, 12 months even better. Especially if you're not drinking. Too many people "hit their switch" and immediately try to drop their dosage down. I was one of those people, and I dropped my dose down too low and relapsed. It was a roller coaster for a time while I went back up in dosage while trying to drink "moderately."

I've been on baclofen, and on these forums, for 10 years now. The people who are the most successful with baclofen in the long term do exactly what you are doing - staying at (or close) to the switch dose and not drinking. You obviously don't have to become a Renaissance man, but you can enjoy your time with your daughter, learn to enjoy sober sleep, etc. and get some good distance between yourself and the bottle. You'll likely find yourself changing for the better without trying. Maybe you'll always be antsy and irritable, but I would guess you'll be less so over time without the AL withdrawals on top of everything.

Anyway, congrats on the sober time. Keep posting your progress if you can.

[georgesmiley]

Re: My baclofen journey

Thank you [MENTION=14524]_serenity_[/MENTION] means a lot. I've benefited so much from the guidance of those who went before me.

I'll keep posting. Both to keep myself on track, and because I can see that there are so many others googling away, looking for pointers.

I see no reason to change what I'm doing. It's my birthday tomorrow, and there'll be pressure to drink. I may have a sip. As I said, I was never a 'catch the thirst, watch me dive' drinker - more 'slow and steady wins the race.' So we'll see. Thanks to all the people here and elsewhere who posted about their journey.

I do find it bewildering that so many people have found this drug so beneficial, yet medical doctors 'trial' it with 3 x 10mg a day and declare it doesn't work! It wouldn't even work for spasticity at that dose - its primary purpose.

The side effects were troubling while I was titrating up (the crushing urge to sleep hitting me like a runaway train in a split second being the worst). But now I'm at my sweet spot, they're barely there.

And 1-2 bottles of wine a night is hardly side-effect free...

[georgesmiley]

Re: My baclofen journey

So, it's been a month since I drank. I'm clearly not out of the woods yet - life is a whole heap of shit (boss, colleagues, partner, kid's mum, my own mum, money, you know the score). But here I am, tapping away, sober.

I ask myself why I'm not drinking - it'd be a "solution" to a lot of this mess (which is why we all do it, right?). But I just can't seem now to be bothered. That all encompassing yearning - gone.

[georgesmiley]

Re: My baclofen journey

Oh and as a ps....not a drop on my birthday.

[georgesmiley]

Re: My baclofen journey

So...about six weeks since my last drink.

I have no yearning to. Though I'm kinda dreading the end of lockdown - it's hard to imagine going out with some friends without having a good ol' time.

I still have no real sense of what it's for. Clearly, something made me stockpile all this baclofen, but it's almost like a can't remember what. I guess knowing that I couldn't go on drinking 1-2 bottles of wine a night forever.

There's always that voice saying, 'Well - you were never that sort of drunk. You were never falling down. You never drank a litre of spirits in a day.' It's a nagging voice that doesn't take me anywhere at the moment, because I have no yearning to drink.

But what baclofen does not take away - nothing can - is the reason why we drink.

[georgesmiley]

Re: My baclofen journey

I would also add that I don't think the side-effects of baclofen are all that troubling any more.

[_serenity_]

Re: My baclofen journey

That's wonderful news, [MENTION=24582]georgesmiley[/MENTION]. You have attained indifference. I too stopped noticing side effects from baclofen after I leveled off my dosage.

[georgesmiley]

Re: My baclofen journey

So, a sober Christmas. In a way, lockdown is a benefit here, as I'd be out at social events. And Christmas is, of course, traditionally associated with afternoon drinking...

The temptation, though, has sort-of drifted into consciousness a few times around 4 or 5pm - "Go on, you can have a couple, you've proved you're not hooked any more, it's Christmas, it's normal, it's anti-social not to..."

Except, of course, I'm thinking about drinking on my own - which is not exactly pro-social - and I can very clearly see the thoughts and emotions that explicitly prompt the thoughts to do so. And those thoughts and emotions come back routinely, day in, day out.

So, following [MENTION=22732]Baclofenman[/MENTION] 's advice, I've upped the daily dose slightly to 150mg/d. And mindful of [MENTION=14524]_serenity_[/MENTION] 's advice, I'm definitely not going to let my guard down, drop the dose, or give in.

I need to look back on a life where I started day-time drinking at 21. I started storing booze in my desk at grad school in my mid/late 20s. I went to see my first alcohol counsellor at about 28. And since my mid/late 30s, I've drunk 100+ UK units of alcohol minimum a week, and quite often at times of trouble routinely 150+ units - and I'm 49 now.

I can see that I need to make other changes too. I need to go back to mindfulness. I need to run and do some exercise. Because these things (irrespective of the physical benefits) have clear psychological effects that are obviously undeniable.

So, to all the drunks out there, I want to say: Christmas is such a challenge. Cut yourself some slack - if you couldn't fix it in the rest of the year, don't beat yourself up if you can't fix it this week or next.

But for two months now (and that's a short spread of time, so I'm not confident or cocky), my way out has been baclofen. It took a lot of research, reading, experimenting with online ordering, plucking up the courage to have a go (partly because of the side effect fears, partly because I just f*+%ing love drinking), but have a go I did, and thus far, it's worked.

I'll keep updating.

Booze or no booze, we've all had a miserable 2020 - let's hope 2021 offers more hope in every respect.

[georgesmiley]

Re: My baclofen journey

So... two months, and no drinking.

I'm gonna stick with it - as [MENTION=14524]_serenity_[/MENTION] says, stopping seems like a mug's game.
[MENTION=22732]Baclofenman[/MENTION] managed to give up the baclofen too... at the moment, I see no need to do that for a goooood while. I think I need to just 'learn to be' at this stage.

Chin up, everyone. This shitstorm of a year is over. Let's pray for something better...

[georgesmiley]

Re: My baclofen journey

And now three months. Remarkable.

It's only three months. In my head, it's a few years!

I would say the anxiolytic effect of this is wearing off maybe? Hard to tell. Life is a shit show for everyone right now. If you're not anxious, you want your head looking at.

I had a drink the other day. A rum and coke. I was on my own, and thought I'd try it. It kind of disgusted me; I couldn't finish it.

In a way, that's not indifference; indifference would mean being able to enjoy it when enjoying it was in order, and leaving it when it's not. This was a mixture of guilt, and just not liking it.

So - baclofen, thank you. The majestic fuck up that is Brexit is making it harder to source the stuff, but I built up a big supply in case I need to taper.

Stray strong, people.

[georgesmiley]

Re: My baclofen journey

I've come on here for a bit of accountability, and to apologise. Well, like a fool, I thought I'd have a drink with my partner.

We all know where this ends up, right?

Well... I didn't get wasted, but I did get tipsy. It's happened two or three times. I was never a drinker that went on massive benders (slow and steady wins the race - drinking's a serious business). And guess what? I now think about booze more, and want it more. I think about it non-stop again from 3pm. I have hundreds of, 'It's just a little drink, you're not a lush any more' thoughts. I can savour the flavour.

Getting rid of these thoughts was the whole point of the baclofen journey. And now they're back. So I came on here to fess up, and give myself a talking to.

So I'm going to up the dose and have a word with myself, and start to digest the fact that every single ex-boozer seems to realise: you have to cut it out completely. In my head, I would just be one of those people who had a glass or two of wine with friends at dinner. I even went to Moderation Management for nearly a year. They were truly lovely people. But what a bunch of piss heads. Me included.

So maybe I just need to put myself in that camp: no thanks, I'm driving.

Testing times are ahead as we come out of lockdown in the UK. I'll be going out with friends, and they are big drinkers. Trying times indeed...