Hi! Im here again. A small voice still looking for friends on their way out of this

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Re: Hi! I’m here again. A small voice still looking for friends on their way out of t

That is a TERRIBLE situation. I’m so sorry. I hope it’s resolved quickly. I can’t believe what you’ve been through and that you’re still without a roof over your head. Or did I misunderstand? Are you actually staying in a storage unit this weekend? Are are you staying in a cabin, what we could call a trailer? Can you sneak your cat in?

Homelessness should be extinct in this day and age. It breaks my heart. And here in the US it’s just going to get worse. When we were looking to move last summer I was blown away by real estate prices, including our house. So I figured we’d sell and then rent for a year. (Gawds, I’d love to give up the responsibilities of owning a home for a year or forever, but whatever. I shouldn’t complain, obviously.) The rental prices were UNREAL.

I totally hear you about resenting (at least that’s how I feel) the efficacy of baclofen. Sometimes I just want to be drunk. I mean, I’m still drinking heavily. Some nights more than usual, which I’ll explain. But some days, I just don’t want to drink and it doesn’t taste good, and it’s what I do—drink, I mean. There are a lot of hours to fill in a day when I’m not drinking. I’m not working and it seems like everything is onerous and overwhelming. But I’ve made some progress over the last two days dealing with the house stuff, so yay, me. Also, hoping depression and anxiety meds will kick in soon. And I’m doing my damnedest to try to exercise every single day. Why is that so hard? Damn, you Lo0p, I miss you.

One of the really quirky things about baclofen, this time around for me, is the insomnia. It used to be that I’d wake up in the middle of the night and post on MWO, because I knew that someone across one of the ponds would be here at some point. Now I drink. And read many, often lousy, novels. Which is actually boring as shit if it’s a pattern and not a luxury.

And passing out, then waking up and drinking in the middle of the night is not conducive to anything productive. Im trying, as of today, to take my baclofen later in the day, and will have some kombucha for the middle of the night instead of booze. My GI functions thank me for kombucha.

Heart goes out to you, Stevo. Will be thinking of you and doing whatever it is that I call prayer that your situation resolved soon. Really thankful that you’re posting here, because I’d be even more lost without you. :hug:

[Stevo]

Re: Hi! I’m here again. A small voice still looking for friends on their way out of t

Damn Ne, I just reread my last post and am wishing I had proof read it before submitting.

Thanks for the thoughts/prayers, or whatever it is? I suspect much like me a Christian type of thinking isn't really in our ideology. I do believe there's something much bigger than all of us, I just have no idea what it is.

I'm sorry to hear about your drinking patterns, I remember them well in my own behaviours. I am glad you are doing some work around your place though, anything is better than nothing Ne.

I am still without a place to stay, it's almost Christmas and everything in a caravan park is booked out. I was told today the best one place could do is maybe one night here and one night there. It will be okay, tomorrow is a new day.

I'm loving that bac is doing it's thing, it's just some nights such as last night I wanted an opportunity to get some drunken relief. It's ridiculous really, it's been a much harder road this time than last time and at the end of the day I'll take drinking much less over drinking way too much. My life has been a drunken escapade other than periods of white knuckle 12 step ideologies, some quite substantial actually but I will take indifference any day over indoctrination into a cult which kills many people a year with its rhetoric, including my best friend at 8 years sober.

Bac is a different path, it has given me indifference once before and although at a much higher dose this time, it is doing it again. I won't be flippant enough to give this up twice. I wish I'd never stopped taking it, I have drank a lot of beer over the last 5-6 years. I hope that doesn't sound arrogant. All I can do is keep taking the bac, my drinking is very different now to what it was only 6 months ago but it has taken for me to get up 370 I think to achieve it. For various reasons over the last couple of years I have had to titrate up and down ridiculously, mainly dealing with doctors and pharmacists. I'm on 360 again as of today, the strange thing is even as I titrated down from 370 to 345 this last time I didn't see a change in my drinking. I think the process of switching had started way before 370 and now it's happening no matter what I think I need in a state of petulant wanting. This is a wonderful and welcome experience.

I know we don't hear much about it anymore, it's part of the reason I came back here looking to communicate with others taking this path. I would love to talk with people who know more than me as I feel like I am doing this time alone. I have so many questions which the old crew on here could answer. TK for one, I know he's done it. He actually provided me with the documents to give to my doctor which really started this ball rolling. I know I am switching, I don't know much about maintenance doses and when I should be starting to titrate down etc.

I'm so glad you're back, I hope we can continue to support each other and maybe some of my questions will be answered along the journey too.

Cheers,

Steve.

I am not proof reading this one too, this my disclaimer if there's any mistakes.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Re: Hi! I’m here again. A small voice still looking for friends on their way out of

Urgh. There are a bunch of hiccups with posting I’m having to get used to. (Wait a minute! I think someone fixed the capitalization thing. Or am I imagining things? If not. Woohooooooooo! Admin rocks.) And I’m on my iPad, which I suspect makes everything worse. So please don’t worry about proofreading. I used to obsess about what I wrote, before and after. Which was probably a good thing, but I don’t have the mental space for that right now.

I tried to quote a couple of things, but instead of stressing about how to do that without driving myself crazy, I’ll just respond.

I agree about the, “switch.” Not so much a switch as a not-so-gentle slide into indifference. And that, for me, came with a couple of different things that I’ve heard repeatedly, in and out of treatment and the rooms, as well as here. Exercise. And filling time. And finding some sort of joy or a happy feeling about something on a regular basis.

I can’t imagine trying to get sober when dealing with the stress you’re living through. So I hope you’re feeling good about staying committed to the process. I also can’t imagine trying to navigate all of that stress when drinking alcoholically. One of my natural skills, if you will, is to pull my stuff together when everything goes haywire. Basically I’m Mike Tyson, when I’m cornered by life. (Ok, I’m not that batshit crazy, but I can’t compare myself to Ali. Im getting sidetracked so anyway.) But when the pressure is just mundane shit, like plumbing, I’m completely overwhelmed. Or underwhelmed.

Anyway, again, you’ve reminded me to start being grateful, which of course is all the rage these days. That and meditation. Which I’ve been doing off and on for years. Meditation, not gratitude. I’m grumpy, not grateful, by nature. Meditation hasn’t gotten me sober or kept me there, but it’s a new life goal I have. Or a renewed one. That said, I couldn’t sit in our hot tub for 10 minutes tonight without my mind freaking out, and I have a hot tub! So thank you all that matters. A house AND a hot tub is a helluva lot to be thankful for.

Stevo, I wish I could reach half way across the world and give you a hand. And damn, you’re such an inspiration. Thank you. Tomorrow is another day. And we’re still here to work on making it better. I’ve lost too many people to this disease not to keep that in mind. I’m very sorry about your friend. It’s devastating and shocking, each and every time.

Which reminds me, all of the people I’ve kept in touch with from my last treatment center, and it’s more than a dozen, which is shocking since I’m a hermit these days, have “relapsed”. Some are doing better than others. But it’s nice to know I wasn’t the only abysmal failure. Twenty eight days just doesn’t do a reset for many of us. (For the record, and to be fair, I was in a group of older adults who have a history of relapse. So we’re not the normal crowd. But I REALLY wish I’d started taking baclofen there. It would have made all the difference, I think.)

BTW, I know for sure that @terryk, or anyone we might need, will be here if and when we need it. Doesn’t surprise me that he got you the info you needed to help out with your doctor. He’s done it time and again. But he’s not the only rock star. Those stalwarts from back in the day have been consistent. I wish I could say the same. But tomorrow's another day.

PS. I’m not proofreading.

pps. I meant to say this in the beginning, because I think it’s really important. Nobody has all the answers about baclofen. And one of the very refreshing things about the treatment center I went to is how up front they were about the abysmal results for treatment of addiction. We’re all just doing our best and sort of winging it. Even the experts. How scary and screwed up is that? On a lighter note, I was contentedly sober for 4 years, and like you, Steve, I won’t take it for granted next time.

SHOUT OUT TO WHOEVER FIXED THE CAPITALIZATION THING. SO MUCH LOVE. TY

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Re: Hi! I’m here again. A small voice still looking for friends on their way out of t

Ugh. I can’t believe I was talking about being in a hot tub when you’re struggling (and there was a time I would have been really put off but that post). Prayers, to whatever, and best wishes, Steve.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Re: Hi! I’m here again. A small voice still looking for friends on their way out of t

Also, @Baclofenman are you still around? I think of you often. Xxoo

[Mulburry]

Re: Hi! I’m here again. A small voice still looking for friends on their way out of t

gain, checked in sober but didn’t get detox meds for 30 hours. It was…unfortunate. And then only sparingly.

That is unfortunate, there really is no reason to not get the proper medication (if necessary) in the first week, it's a very outdated approach and goes against all the medical science.

Determination I have, I think. Patience, not so much.

Patience in this case was the fact that for me the post-acute withdrawal symptoms lasted for a few months and it took time to get over them. Hopefully you don't have the same issue. Determination really is the key I think. Good luck!

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Re: Hi! I’m here again. A small voice still looking for friends on their way out of t

That is unfortunate, there really is no reason to not get the proper medication (if necessary) in the first week, it's a very outdated approach and goes against all the medical science.


Patience in this case was the fact that for me the post-acute withdrawal symptoms lasted for a few months and it took time to get over them. Hopefully you don't have the same issue. Determination really is the key I think. Good luck!

[MENTION=24679]Mulburry[/MENTION] , my detox was a little bit kerfuffled. I don’t know why, exactly, and it doesn’t matter anymore. But yes, you’re right. And I’m very thankful that I’d had some sober time leading up to checking in so I didn’t have any repercussions, other than wanting to stab a styrofoam spoon into every nurse I talked to.

I was amazed how many people are in denial about their PAWS symptoms. Not me. Had them, they sucked. I’m drinking and not looking forward to experiencing them again.

Did you take baclofen to get sober?

[Mulburry]

Re: Hi! I’m here again. A small voice still looking for friends on their way out of t

was amazed how many people are in denial about their PAWS symptoms. Not me. Had them, they sucked. I’m drinking and not looking forward to experiencing them again.

Ya it's amazing how long it took for them to be recognized in the medical community too. But it's great that these things are becoming accepted more and more."

Did you take baclofen to get sober?

No, I never did. I did a fair amount of research into it, but it wasn't easily available here, and in the end I just took the plunge and did an outpatient detox.

[Cassander]

Re: Hi! I’m here again. A small voice still looking for friends on their way out of t

Well, well, well. Ne, Stevo, serenity and terryk have all checked in. Life is like that, huh? Greetings and best wishes to you all. Cassander

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Re: Hi! I’m here again. A small voice still looking for friends on their way out of t

Well, well, well. Ne, Stevo, serenity and terryk have all checked in. Life is like that, huh? Greetings and best wishes to you all. Cassander

Life is like that, I suppose. Or at least this life with addiction is. But it’s incredibly nice to hear from familiar and friendly voices.

Thanks for checking in. All my best to you and yours. :hug:

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Re: Hi! I’m here again. A small voice still looking for friends on their way out of t

I’m headed to my parent’s house for a low key thanksgiving. They’ve been traveling so no one wants to spend any time with them! Ha. So it’ll be just us three, and if that doesn’t push all my buttons, I don’t know what does. Especially since I’m lying, lying, lying about being sober.

but honestly, I don’t know which would be worse for them. Telling the truth would crush them. Telling them that I’ve lied would make them angry, but they’d have me to blame, so that, at least, would make them feel better.

Thanksgiving used to be my favorite holiday, and it’s the only one I participate in on here, because we all have different backgrounds and ideologies. But even if you’re not from the US, you can appreciate the idea of giving thanks and being with family. With no expectations except the gluttony that defines US Americans. Hahaha!

But this year bums me out.

[guardian]

Re: Hi! I’m here again. A small voice still looking for friends on their way out of t

Hi Ne, I've checked in a few times, but between the lack of activity, the notifications not working when there is, and having an intentionally busy, sober life, I just haven't bothered to post or respond. As they say in "the rooms," I'll "Keep coming back."

[Baclofenman]

Re: Hi! I’m here again. A small voice still looking for friends on their way out of t

Also, @Baclofenman are you still around? I think of you often. Xxoo

Hello, I thought of you today. No, not in that way :heartbeat: but cos of the shooting in your state I heard about on my wireless this morning. World is a bonkers place babe, I hope you and yours are all safe.

Sorry to make it all about me. But it is for the moment.

Not for long, well like you I became content, actually complacent that I had kicked the booze for good after 2 and a half years AF so a combination of arrogance and house move (to another GP) I came off of Baclofen from 160mg daily which is probably one of the worst decisions I have ever made. I was ok for a few months, although (and this is no excuse) my wife kept buying me Becks Blue, alcohol free which she thought might make me feel a bit more normal in company. I participated in this which to be honest was fucking madness as far more people used to congratulate me when they knew "I don't drink" than gave a toss that I drank an AF beer. One think led to another and then at a family wedding a cold bottle of Peroni gave me a Courtney Cox 'esk come on and the rest is history.

How fucking disappointing is that! My current GP have refused to reissue my prescription being more concerned with her pension than the welfare of her patient who has PROVED the efficiency with his previous GP - Cunt! I worry that by buying online again I may get caught running out due to supply problems, and have to drop from 150mg to zero overnight.

Anyway, that's enough of my forum cleansing back to you.

Why is everything so overwhelming when I’m drinking?

Ha ha, I know this a rhetorical question but what I do know is I FEEL the anxiety inside me, the anxiety that Baclofen dealt with pissed or sober.

Especially since I’m lying, lying, lying about being sober.
but honestly, I don’t know which would be worse for them. Telling the truth would crush them. Telling them that I’ve lied would make them angry, but they’d have me to blame, so that, at least, would make them feel better.

Now that is a powerful conundrum. I am a couple of years older than you and in the same position. In my favour is that I have gone back to my pre alcohol free period size, so I guess they know but its not something that is discussed, which makes me feel slightly less disappointed in myself.

That said, I couldn’t sit in our hot tub for 10 minutes tonight without my mind freaking out, and I have a hot tub! So thank you all that matters. A house AND a hot tub is a helluva lot to be thankful for.

I had a lay-z-spa out door jobbie, got fed up with repairing punctures caused by our cats claws. Unfortunately the Pianna decided to keep the cats in the one or other ultimatum!

I will post a more constructive reply tomorrow, when hopefully I have my new glasses and do not have to type with streaming eyes.

Finally for the time being, @Stevo , I am desperately sorry to hear of your current situation and that every way you turn you get a slap in the face for your troubles. Keep your chin up mate. :thumbsup:

Regards,


Bacman

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Re: Hi! I’m here again. A small voice still looking for friends on their way out of t

Hi Ne, I've checked in a few times, but between the lack of activity, the notifications not working when there is, and having an intentionally busy, sober life, I just haven't bothered to post or respond. As they say in "the rooms," I'll "Keep coming back."

The irony is that the only reason that people have hope is that others keep coming back. Nice to see you here.

I don't regret all (exactly) the Thanksgivings that I missed between the last timeI posted, whenever that was, and this one. But I regret missing posting yesterday, which was the US Thanksgiving. I thought about this place all day. I also got slammed with doing things that didn't allow me to post here. And it mattered to me.

I'm not, I hope you all know, into holiday celebrations that leave people out. And I'm aware of the complicated history of this one. But if there's one thing that I can embrace that includes all of us it's giving thanks for family and friends, which i I found on here.

It's 8pm my time, had a long day and am at home again, and thankful for that. Thought I was ready to go to bed and sleep and that's not happening. In large part because we all play a part here, and giving thanks, because it's a holiday an reminds me to do it, means giving thanks here.

So thank you to all the people who have kept this place going. With their time and their money and their words.

xo, and much, and muchas love, Ne

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Re: Hi! I’m here again. A small voice still looking for friends on their way out of t

Bear with me babe. Not in that way, except Bristish boys and girls call each other babe. And also I love you in the most platonic, never met you, don't know you except when we're all emotionally naked, kind of way.. And I can't accurattely quote you so I'll quote you to say that tomorrow is a better day for me to respond. It's bloody late here. It's been a couple of long days of thanksgiving. ha. But one the best of which is to find you here, again. Alhtough, sorry for the circumstances. xo
I'm not even correcting my grammar. I can barely see past the turkey coma.

Hello, I thought of you today. No, not in that way :heartbeat: but cos of the shooting in your state I heard about on my wireless this morning. World is a bonkers place babe, I hope you and yours are all safe.



Not for long, well like you I became content, actually complacent that I had kicked the booze for good after 2 and a half years AF so a combination of arrogance and house move (to another GP) I came off of Baclofen from 160mg daily which is probably one of the worst decisions I have ever made. I was ok for a few months, although (and this is no excuse) my wife kept buying me Becks Blue, alcohol free which she thought might make me feel a bit more normal in company. I participated in this which to be honest was fucking madness as far more people used to congratulate me when they knew "I don't drink" than gave a toss that I drank an AF beer. One think led to another and then at a family wedding a cold bottle of Peroni gave me a Courtney Cox 'esk come on and the rest is history.

How fucking disappointing is that! My current GP have refused to reissue my prescription being more concerned with her pension than the welfare of her patient who has PROVED the efficiency with his previous GP - Cunt! I worry that by buying online again I may get caught running out due to supply problems, and have to drop from 150mg to zero overnight.

Anyway, that's enough of my forum cleansing back to you.



Ha ha, I know this a rhetorical question but what I do know is I FEEL the anxiety inside me, the anxiety that Baclofen dealt with pissed or sober.



Now that is a powerful conundrum. I am a couple of years older than you and in the same position. In my favour is that I have gone back to my pre alcohol free period size, so I guess they know but its not something that is discussed, which makes me feel slightly less disappointed in myself.



I had a lay-z-spa out door jobbie, got fed up with repairing punctures caused by our cats claws. Unfortunately the Pianna decided to keep the cats in the one or other ultimatum!

I will post a more constructive reply tomorrow, when hopefully I have my new glasses and do not have to type with streaming eyes.

Finally for the time being, @Stevo , I am desperately sorry to hear of your current situation and that every way you turn you get a slap in the face for your troubles. Keep your chin up mate. :thumbsup:

Regards,


Bacman