Hi! Im here again. A small voice still looking for friends on their way out of this

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Are my old time friends still here?

Regardless, there are never a lack of people looking for the way out of addictions. I found the people I needed here when I needed them the most and maybe I

[Stevo]

Re: Hi! I’m here again. A small voice still looking for friends on their way out of t

Hi Ne,

I've been back for a while now, have had a little contact with a couple of people but it's generally very quiet here these days.

I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw you had posted today. I have asked about you but it was fruitless.

Welcome back, and as much as it's never for a good reason we come back here after a long hiatus I am very glad to see you here again?

Cheers Steve.

[_serenity_]

Re: Hi! I’m here again. A small voice still looking for friends on their way out of t

WELCOME BACK LADY! :hug: So glad you're back! You were always the best at stirring up good conversations in here.

And hello [MENTION=22203]Stevo[/MENTION]!

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Re: Hi! I’m here again. A small voice still looking for friends on their way out of t

Hi Stevo! Like you, I’m sorry to see that you’re here but happy to find a friendly word. Sorry to read about your struggles with getting enough baclofen. It’s a conundrum. As is knowing when or how the “switch” is found. But I Long for it.

I'm still getting used to the format (compared to 15 y3ars ago, lol) but jolly glad (that’s Aussie for happy) to see you are doing well and approaching indifference.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Re: Hi! I’m here again. A small voice still looking for friends on their way out of t

:newhere: Just kidding. :hug::hug: Hug emojis rock.

We’ll see how it goes. Goodness knows that booze and communication and connection don’t always mis, but I found home, connection and contented sobriety here and hope to do so again.

:hug:

[Mulburry]

Re: Hi! I’m here again. A small voice still looking for friends on their way out of t

I’ll try to read up and catch up with old posts in the next couple of days. This place saved my life.

MWO has been a great resource for as well even before I started posting here regularly. I did hours and hours of medication research on here, over the years. In the end, though it wasn't easy, a standard valium detox, a lot determination, and a lot of patience got me free of this demon... and I'm still going strong. That being said, I still find it interesting to see how various medications are working for people.

[terryk]

Re: Hi! I’m here again. A small voice still looking for friends on their way out of t

Hey Ne, nice to see you back. Sorry I never called you that time, shit has been way too crazy...
:hug:
-tk

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Re: Hi! I’m here again. A small voice still looking for friends on their way out of t

Omg, friend. Life is what it is. Mostly crazy. Soooo nice to hear from you, regardless of when or how. Muchas. :hug:

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Re: Hi! I’m here again. A small voice still looking for friends on their way out of t

It’s been so damn long I don’t even know how to reply correctly.

Anyway, I just watched a comedian that many (?) people find offensive. And I do, too. Because the truth hurts, man. He calls it like it is and sometimes it’s brutal. It can also be funny.

Which is very much like facing my own reality. I’ve been in treatment twice in the last 6 months. The first for 9 days, because insurance is a pain in the ass. The most recent for the full 28 days because insurance is probably very swayed by the long arm of real money. But I digress.

It’s not my first rodeo but I learned so much at the last place that it surprised me. I still don’t buy into conventional treatment, but it turns out they don’t either! They know it sucks. They know the definition of alcoholism is relapse. But they gave me some tools, some new, most millennia old, and I could have used them today. It was a good day, could have been better. And the truth is, the truth hurts. Exercise matters. I didn’t do any.

It’s another reason I love being in the 12-step rooms. Because even though there is a lot to be desired, there’s a lot of wisdom, wit and even hilarity in a room full of drunks. A lot of bull shit and bravado, too. But like watching Chapelle, I gotta take the good with the bad. Cringe worthy for sure. Painful, absolutely. Too true too much.

I’ve been lazy and complacent (or as usual, absentminded) about my baclofen regimen despite the latest tech on my effing wrist. That stops tomorrow. I’m inspire by the old stories and by @Stevo. Indifference awaits.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Re: Hi! I’m here again. A small voice still looking for friends on their way out of t

MWO has been a great resource for as well even before I started posting here regularly. I did hours and hours of medication research on here, over the years. In the end, though it wasn't easy, a standard valium detox, a lot determination, and a lot of patience got me free of this demon... and I'm still going strong. That being said, I still find it interesting to see how various medications are working for people.

I agree, Mulburry. I’ve been in two treatment centers in the last 6 months. Embarrassing but whatever. The first one, the detox was extremely heavy on benzos for 7 full days. I don’t remember the first two, and I was sober when I checked in.

The second one was a completely different protocol. Again, checked in sober but didn’t get detox meds for 30 hours. It was…unfortunate. And then only sparingly. But whatever, again. I figured I could deal with unbelievably unpleasant as long as there were people there to make sure I didn’t have a seizure or worse.

And I just wanted to be done, forever, with being dependent. It makes for a desperation that works in the short term.

Determination I have, I think. Patience, not so much.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Re: Hi! I’m here again. A small voice still looking for friends on their way out of t

Sorry to make it all about me. But it is for the moment.

you know what I miss most about contented sobriety? Taking care of the daily stuff of life. We’ve got plumbing issues. That’s an annual, or biannual experience in a house this old. Right now? It seems overwhelming. Sober? It’s just an administrative detail.

Why is everything so overwhelming when I’m drinking?

[Stevo]

Re: Hi! I’m here again. A small voice still looking for friends on their way out of t

I'm loving having you back here already Ne, it seems to have breathed some new life into the forum. Try not to beat yourself up about these things 'slowly, slowly catch the monkey'.

Much more to say and am looking forward to finally having and giving some support, there aren't many of us.

Life never seems to stop being hectic, I am going to be homeless in a couple of days. It's a knock on from the floods I spoke about in my thread, I just can't seem to catch a break since the floods and am now renting off a really nasty landlord who gave me a month to find somewhere else to live. The month runs out on Monday. There's still not a lot to rent around here 8-9 months on as the area was terribly devastated and everyone is fighting over what is left. I'm hoping to hear about an application I put in on a place today, I know my referees had been contacted by the real estate agent yesterday.

For now though I have to get moving, I still have a heap of things to do and have taken the day off work. I'm looking forward to interacting with you more and seeing who may come out of the woodwork as a result of more traffic and you being back.

Stay strong and be kind to yourself.

Cheers Steve.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Re: Hi! I’m here again. A small voice still looking for friends on their way out of t

I'm loving having you back here already Ne, it seems to have breathed some new life into the forum. Try not to beat yourself up about these things 'slowly, slowly, catch the monkey…

Life never seems to stop being hectic, I am going to be homeless in a couple of days. It's a knock on from the floods I spoke about in my thread, I just can't seem to catch a break since the floods…

ugh. I’m hating learning how to use this platform again. It’s on me, but I hope I’ve done the quoting thing right.

First of all, thank you. It’s so nice to get a warm welcome.

Second of all, I don’t remember where, “slowly, slowly, catchee monkey” comes from but it also brings back fond memories. Is it a colonial phrase? I’m gonna have to look that up. And also, who said that, when? lol I love it.

Most importantly, I can’t find your thread that’s recent enough to include information about your flood and resulting homelessness. That’s probably just because I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. Regardless, I’m really sorry. I live in coastal Virginia, (in the eastern US) and used to live in an area that experienced flood damage pretty regularly. It was terrible. Water is unbelievably destructive.

I’m SO sorry that you’re struggling so much. It helps me to hear, and to put my woes in perspective. Though the house I live in seems to be falling apart just to make my life difficult, at least it feels to me like it’s the house, “the wolf couldn’t blow down” from the old fairy tale. It’s solid brick, and as far from the flood plain as we could get in this region, and it’s a roof… so all well there. But I know well the devastation flooding could cause and I knock wood when I hear about people struggling to find a roof because of flooding. I hope it works out well, and quickly, for you.

I’ll try to be kind to myself. It’s so nice to be back here, despite the reason. Thank you.
cheers, Ne

(the lack of capitalization thing is going to drive me crazy. Is it just me?)

[_serenity_]

Re: Hi! I’m here again. A small voice still looking for friends on their way out of t

Life never seems to stop being hectic, I am going to be homeless in a couple of days. It's a knock on from the floods I spoke about in my thread, I just can't seem to catch a break since the floods and am now renting off a really nasty landlord who gave me a month to find somewhere else to live. The month runs out on Monday. There's still not a lot to rent around here 8-9 months on as the area was terribly devastated and everyone is fighting over what is left. I'm hoping to hear about an application I put in on a place today, I know my referees had been contacted by the real estate agent yesterday.

I'm so sorry about this, Stevo. Thinking of you.

[Stevo]

Re: Hi! I’m here again. A small voice still looking for friends on their way out of t

Quick update on the housing situation,

I didn't get the place I had the application in for, I was the number 1 applicant but when the real estate agent went to call the owner yesterday afternoon he informed her he was no longer wanting to let the property as he had a family member who was needing somewhere to live. I could hear in the poor real estate agents voice she was genuinely sorry this had happened. She was sincerely apologetic and told me I had been the outstanding applicant, my referee's all spoke highly of me and she was looking forward to letting me know I had been successful. She assured me as soon as something became available I would know before it was advertised giving me the first chance to apply, but there was nothing else at the moment other than one place which only had a 3 month lease.

I moved just about everything to a storage shed this morning and will stay here until Monday. I have organised a cabin in a caravan park for a week but I can't have my cat with me, I will need to find somewhere for him to stay for a while. For my US friends a caravan park would be the same as a trailer park I think? After that I am not sure what I will do, it's a take each day as it comes sort of situation.
[MENTION=12976]Ne/Neva Eva[/MENTION] Where I live saw the worst floods known to white settlement in Australia in February and March this year, apparently the indigenous people have stories of these happening but it has never been seen since Australia was colonised. Although I wasn't living in the flood zone the sheer amount of rain combined with the lack of property maintenance where I lived the water had nowhere to go other than through my place. The landlord hadn't cleared the drains in over a decade and had removed some of the guttering from the back of my place without ever replacing it. On top of everything else the septic tank was broken and filled with water making it overflow, when all the water started coming in through the back door there was nothing I could do...faecal matter and all. When it was over I complained to the landlord who responded with giving me 3 months to find somewhere else to live. No small task in a place where thousands of people were already homeless and most places had been destroyed by the unprecedented flooding. My own children and their mother were rescued by strangers in a small boat in the night standing on the roof of their carport with the water still rising around them, they lived in the flood zone in an area which had never seen flooding as far we know before. The response from the authorities was a complete shambles and most people were saved by an army of people who took it upon themselves to do something to help. Lismore is no stranger to floods and most houses are built up off the ground but this was something no one was prepared for, the flood level peake at 2 metres higher than had ever been recorded.

Anyway, I found a place to live but it has been acrimonious at best, the new landlords without going into specifics are nasty people and gave me a month to find somewhere else to live almost 4 weeks ago. I work business hours so can't get to potential rental viewings and dealing with real estates around here is insane. A lot of places have been condemned or are severely overpriced due to greedy landlords and I find myself with 3 nights until I am homeless with very little in the options department. I have no family or friends, I was a ward of the state growing up and spent a lot of my adolescents in group homes, I also spent many years working in child protection prior to what I do now. I'm forced to stay in this area because my own children are here and I don't want them to grow up without a father as I did. As I've gotten older I am much more aware of what I missed out on as a child.

Well that went on much longer than expected, but I did want to give you an idea NE.

Tonight is one of those nights where I paradoxically feel like I wished bac wasn't working in my life as it is. All I want to do is drink like a complete animal and write myself off. Alas, I am very close to switching and achieving indifference completely. I will most likely drink 4-5 beers tipping most of the 5th down the sink and then lay in bed wondering what dilemmas, or wonders tomorrow will bring.

Apologies for the long winded post, I do think it's been therapeutic/cathartic for me to write all this down somewhere though. There's so much more to say yet I won't, I am just glad you're back and I don't feel so alone in the meds section of MWO.

Sending love and hugs to all from Australia.

Cheers,

Steve.