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**Hannah** · August 16, 2007, 12:51 AM

I must have lost my mind!!!

Proparty Chief

I am go glad you posted, that is a positive first step in the right direction. You say you have basically been drinking for 31 years? You are very lucky if you are not having any real cravings. Are you going through any syptoms of withdrawal? If so, the first thing you should do is order the supplements, books, CD's, etc., they have really helped many people here. A lot of people here tried the AA way too, and found it was not for them. This forum is great, allows you the privacy of not revealing your identity, but allows you the interaction and support of everybody here. We are not judgemental, we will cheer with you when you are doing well, and gently kick you in the butt and set you straight when you slip. People care about you here.

You know, you CAN do this, you've already proven it - you went 10 days. Was it easy? No. But you did it. You need now to work on what you are going to do when you have a bad day at work, or whatever is the next trigger - you have to actually make a PLAN. Many people here have found working out, i.e., exercise, to be very beneficial - it allows you to work off some steam as well as giving you a nice little endorphin mood lift. Also, in general, you have to keep yourself very, very busy - so that you won't have time to wonder OK, what am I going to do now - and end up drinking out of boredom. Make an actual list of every possible thing you could kill a little time doing - Fix the fence, wash the car, go to a movie, visit a (non-drinking) friend, take your Mom or someone else out for lunch at a restaurant that does not serve alcohol, take the dog for a walk, go on a bike ride, go to the park and nap in the sun, . . . .play a sport - anything to stay busy. And if you need to talk to someone, there is usually someone around here to talk to.

I suggest that you spend a lot of time reading the posts here, there are many, many people here who have gone through much the same things you are now, and have, with the support of everyone else here, been able to get a handle on things. Go to the 30 day abstinence thread, and read it - it's a story of how quite a few people have pulled themselves out of the depths of despair and are well on their road to recovery.

You do have to really want to do this, that is front and center. Just decide that you really are going to do it this time, and NOTHING is going to change that. It is up to you, really. And I know you can do this, because you have. You just need to learn how to resist those triggers, and find other ways to cope. And you will. It's a learning experience, there are hundreds of tips and suggestions in the posts. Read, read, read. Find yourself a non-alcoholic drink that you are going to drink on a regular basis, and stock up on it. And do drink this non-alcoholic drink - lots of it. You are trying to establish new habits here. And be kind to yourself - take the time to eat well and properly - and get a little exercise. Take care of YOU, and in time the alcohol thing will take care of itself.

Good luck to you, Proparty Chief. Let us know how you are doing.:welcome:

**Bella** · August 16, 2007, 01:36 AM

I must have lost my mind!!!

Welcome to MWO Propartychief.

MWO is a very supportive place and you will find lots of people here with similar issues to you. When I joined I was at my wits end with my life too. My husband was almost at the front door with his bags and my son. I managed to change my life round with the help of MWO. Its going to be a challenge for you but you say you really want to make things better. So that is a great start!

You will get there. I recommend all the tools you can get. Supps, CDs, and lots of talking with us here. It helps and its a world away from AA meetings!!!!!!! Not face to face, so much easier to say what we really feel.

I wish you luck in your journey to sobriety. Please post often. Also read all the posts that everyone else has written. You are not alone.

Bella xxxx

**propartychief** · August 16, 2007, 01:40 AM

I must have lost my mind!!!

Hanna,
Thank's for your support! As for the withdrawls I really can't said I did again much to my amazement. I guess I never really gave it a chance before because I was afraid of that. I always thought that I was a "stoned" alcholic by birth (runs in the family). Just can't figure out how I can go form 10-12 beers to nothing OK then be right back so easily.

Not really regilous but just found a gift a family member it's just a simple quote in a frame. Thought I might share with everyone.

When Jesus saw him lying there and knew he had been a long time in that condition, He said to him,"Do you wish to get well?" John 5:6

Some people really don't want to be made whole, to be healed. It would make them responsible,require them to stop punishing the one who hurt them. Believe me, wholeness is yours for the receiving.

**propartychief** · August 16, 2007, 01:43 AM

I must have lost my mind!!!

Thanks Bella getting all the stuff in the AM

**satori** · August 16, 2007, 04:52 AM

I must have lost my mind!!!

Hi Chief - welcome!

You have made the first step - by coming here - often one of the hardest.

You have also made it 10 days AF (alcohol free) so you know you CAN do it!
Often, people who have been drinking as long as you (and I!) did, struggle to get past day 3 or 4 AF - seems to be the hardest!
You already DID that.

Now - you KNOW you can do without the booze - it is down to a simple question of choice - sorry if this is harsh - but this is the reality.

You need simply chose between having your your wife and family or having a beer.

I know what I would chose!
And I would bet you KNOW what you have to do!

If you make that decision and decide to bin the booze - we will be here 24/7 to help and support you - this place changed MY life around - it can change yours too.

Best wishes

Satori

**Skye650** · August 16, 2007, 05:10 AM

I must have lost my mind!!!

Hi Chief

Your story reminds me of my father.... oh how many times have my Mom given him a chance and another and another and another it seemed like a circle going round and round and round and until today the wheel is turning round and round!!!

We are all grown up now and actually looking at our dad with resentment and still see our Mother's sad, weary and tired emotions... you say you love your kids and wife very much then prove to them and yourself that you most certainly do and break this visious circle you can do it, you have done it before and you know within your heart and mind that it is what you want to do!!!

Come on throw out the beers, etc... sober up and make good on your promise!!! youll see it will get there!!!

**hart** · August 16, 2007, 09:19 AM

I must have lost my mind!!!

Hon, when I quit drinking I don't have many physical effects either. And I'm a 12 beer a nite drinker. Our you trying this by yourself or with some rx help. I found Campral and it really helped both me and my husband, am also taking lithium orotate and natural supplement that people around here recommend. You don't have to do this w/o some help. You sound like u luv your wife and kids. Hang onto that, picture them. And welcome to MWO.:l

**Arial** · August 16, 2007, 05:06 PM

I must have lost my mind!!!

Hi PPChief!

So glad you posted! I know absolutely nothing about your background so i apologise if I am talking out of turn. However, you allude a couple of times in your post to your family background - and your quote also refers to not wanting to be healed because it means responsibility etc. - just reading between the lines I wonder if your drinking is a symptom of different issues, and maybe seeing a councellor or therapist could help resolve some of the underlying issues that may be guiding your drinking tendancies? Just an observation - I hope not offensive in any way.

Warmest wishes,

**propartychief** · August 16, 2007, 06:22 PM

I must have lost my mind!!!

Ariel,
NO offence taken. You are correct in your obersavation. Seen a few of counslors but they all said that they could not or would not see me until I got sober! Go figure!! That is why I was there in the first place!!

**Arial** · August 17, 2007, 12:49 PM

I must have lost my mind!!!

You seem to be at a place in your life, PPChief, where things are waiting to fall into place to lead you out of this self destruction and on to a new life: you stand to lose everything that means anything so motivation is high (or should be!); you KNOW you CAN do it because you have done it before - 10 days is a brilliant start; you KNOW there is help out there and you've been open minded enough to try different avenues, and even though they haven't worked you've tried - now you're here; You know once you're sober you will be able to find help to finally come to terms with certain issues in your life that seem to have been a root cause for your drinking; you have determination (that is clear); you clearly love your family, you're tired of life being ruined by drink....

You just now need to 'get all your ducks in a row'!

Maybe the one thing that needs to finally be put in place is the mind set. You can do this but not passively, you have to fight. You can do this but you need to be armed and dangerous because your oponent is one strong and determined SOB - he does not like losing 'friends' and won't let you go easily.

The MWO programme is a flexible one in that you can pick and choose which parts suit you. To start you may want to go all out and get all the components: hypnosis tapes, medication, supplements and an excercise programme. Make a plan, put it into action and start taking back control. If you really want to do this, you will succeed - but you've got to be prepared to attack it heart, body and soul.

So go for it - you have everything to win - I'm speaking as someone who lost their marriage largely through drink and it is so sad to think that the years of upset, anguish, affect on the children etc could possibly have been avoided if we had got help when needed and got alcohol out of our lives. You CAN do this and we're here to help. So get armed, get focused, take a deep breath and make that commitment to sobriety. You have the possibility of changing the course of your future. You're journey is currently towards destruction of everything you love - you're at the crossroads so you can choose a different path and head to a completely different future. You're in the driving seat ... :racer:

Anyway, - good luck with everything - keep posting, sharing and I really look forward to seeing you clock up those AF days and regain the happiness and future you deserve.

Warmest wishes,

**Mags** · August 18, 2007, 01:12 PM

I must have lost my mind!!!

Dear PPC

I have spoken with you on chat and know a little bit about this. First of all, I hope you know that I care deeply for you and about you. I say that because now I am going to be very honest with you.

Right now, you have to have the most guts you ever have had in your life. More guts than you even think you have. The most precious thing to you is your wife and kids. But you have another precious thing - that is alcohol. Now you have to make a choice. It is one or the other and there is no fooling around anymore. No mistress. One or the other. Let's look at this logically:
- Wife and kids will bring lifelong joy and fulfillment
- Alcohol will bring short term joy and pain and isolation in the long run

You already know all this. You are at the point that I was a few years ago, which was to make that choice. I was at the bottom of a pit about to lose all. Intellectually it sounds like a no brainer, but physically and psychologically it is extremely difficult. I'm not saying this will be easy. It's very sad that sometimes some of us find ourselves in these situations.

Let me be a little bit harsh here. You have to stay sober now, no matter how hard that is. You've got to bite the bullet. Keep posting here 24/7 if that is necessary. There is always someone here to respond. We all want you to have your family and a good life.

Get a good lawyer, show the lawyer and your wife this site and your postings and take the supplements. Surely they will be convinced that you are resolved to changing to sober and better person.

I really wish you the best of luck. Stay AF. PM me whenever you feel like it. I'll keep checking the boards. You can do this.
:h

**betty boop** · August 18, 2007, 01:23 PM

I must have lost my mind!!!

PPchief, I don't think that we have 'met' yet ......

This place is the best place ever, I was like you 10 months ago, about to lose my family, but with the help of the good folk here I turned it all around. I have to agree with Mags, PM me anytime if you need help ......

I'm here for you .......

Love & Hugs, BB xx

**propartychief** · August 18, 2007, 01:43 PM

I must have lost my mind!!!

Thanks Mags and BB for your thoughts, I am on day one again today and trying to keep focused. I have never spent so many hours on the computer in all my life but it is helping. I don't think I ever felt this much unconditonal love before! (except that I keep trying !!!) Mag's why a lawyer? Aren't they worse than the demon I am fighting now!!

:thanks: Bob

**Mags** · August 18, 2007, 03:51 PM

I must have lost my mind!!!

I mentioned a lawyer because it sounds like you are dealing with divorce proceedings. Correct me if I am wrong there. A good lawyer can help an awful lot. I am not speaking from experience from a divorce perspective, but I am speaking as one who should have and almost lost a good job due to alcohol. Luckily I had a good lawyer. A good lawyer will try his/her best to not have to have anyone go into a courtroom, but to negotiate in good faith with the othe person's lawyer. A good lawyer will want to see families patch things up and work on the most positive outcomes. A bad lawyer will want to take you to court, charge a lot of money, and you get screwed in the end.

I am not in any way trying to depress you, and I don't know all of the circumstances you are facing right now. But I am sayin, take nothing for granted and cover your backside always. You can be surprised sometimes at what people will try to pull on you. Just be careful.

I am always wishing and hoping the best for you.

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