I COULD SEE THE END BUT IT ALL CRASHED DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[slightlysuze]

I COULD SEE THE END BUT IT ALL CRASHED DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Maybe your wife is really, really scared? Better the devil you know than the one you don't, and all that! It might help to give her a gentle hug, or bring her some flowers....and, if it's possible, it would certainly help to talk. But if none of that seems right, just keep on with your recovery plan and keep loving her!

As I'm a newbie :new: I am may be talking out of turn to try to offer advice, but I just feel that your wife may be really worried that the 'new' you wouldn't be interested in the 'old' her.

[satori]

I COULD SEE THE END BUT IT ALL CRASHED DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hi PC

I think the issue might be that your wife is embarrassed that you told people outwith your family that you had a problem with alcohol.

That is quite common.

Try to let her see that even though you are on here - there is no way you can be identified as an individual (unless you SPECIFICALLY want to be)- you and your family are completely anonymous!

You are only tapping into worldwide group of people with the same aim - to get sober.
And we ALL have a problem with alcohol here - so noone here is in any position to judge!
We share what works for us, and give encouragement to those struggling.

This place has changed my life - literally!
I am now almost 5 weeks Alcohol free after well over 20 years abusing alcohol.

Got to be worth a try!

I believe that if you stick to your guns, keep coming here and keep getting better she will come round.

So Sorry to hear that you were laid off - man - only drinking 2 beers after that news is awesome!

Wishing you all the best

Satori

[IAD]

I COULD SEE THE END BUT IT ALL CRASHED DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When you see a light at end of the tunnel alot of times it's a train coming right at you. (sorry to be so senicle). Look I told my wife about this site. Shes's cool about it. Anything that will help me is ok. Make your spouse see how it's helping you . IAD

[Finding My Self]

I COULD SEE THE END BUT IT ALL CRASHED DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh boy, Bob.....

What a horrible time for you.... and just when you were feeling and needing to feel and receive joy, praise, trust, connection from your brave decision to beat this beast....

And then you get seriously dumped on with your job... 2 beers??? Phwa! Forget them - I have. If you remember them you might have more so look forwards even if the road seems to have turned to water - we DO walk on water here by helping each other so keep putting one foot in front of the other until it solidifies again.

Yes, lots more happens here than just no more booze and it's great - yet it all ads to this weird and wonderful thing called 'change' which we all want (including our spouses/partners/kids etc) but all find really scary.... ALL the What If's in the world crowd into this new space and, to me, Slightly has said it soooh well (great SS!) in that 'better the devil...' stuff and what if with sober clarity you see someone else, etc etc... which I cannot get ANY sense of being the case - you clearly love your wife and kids to bits; that's why you're here! But we're funny things humans...! As a woman I think flowers, quiet eye contact with a simple statement of love and talking to her (if she wants/will) as much as to us here would reassure me... To your lovely wife - I hope I haven't spoken out of turn; just want to help you two be happy together. If it's not flowers etc, please tell your courageous husband what it is? We're all gunning for you both as a couple...a family... Blessings.

Hannah - you put things sooh well (as you have for me this morning elsewhere, love - thanks) and you, Satori. (And everyone, too.)

Bob, everyone's said lots so I'll stop; I couldn't possibly further the things said but I am sending prayers and thoughts to you and your family... One thing that does come to mind is that at least there is 'energy' around...if your wife didn't care if you stopped or not - now that would be worrying?!?! All this energy (emotions) banging about will channel itself into the best runnels and work for the best soon - just now it's making a whole lot of noise while it sorts itself out...

Blessings...
Feet x

[Beaches]

I COULD SEE THE END BUT IT ALL CRASHED DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PC, I agree after everything you have went through 2 beers is quite amazing. Many would not have stopped at just 2. Being laid off is so stressful. I feel for you.
I think you are a lot stronger then you give yourself credit for and you need to really praise the successes you have had since coming here.
This place has also turned my life around. I was not on a good road and drinking way too much. Reading peoples life stories, reading their struggles, being educated by them has helped in ways that I couldn't even imagine. This place is invaluable for that and I hope that overtime your wife will come to see that as well. She will start seeing the changes in you and start trusting the changes in you. It all takes time. Good luck and take care.

[Cinders]

I COULD SEE THE END BUT IT ALL CRASHED DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PPC,

Man, what a rough one!!

There is a thread specifically for spouses/family members affected. Perhaps your wife would like to peruse that thread and see what people say.

My husband is getting jealous of my time here but it is the only thing that seems to help me and if that is what it takes, that is what it takes.

You did very well drinking only two beers. You had more triggers firing off at one time than most of us could have even begun to handle. I, for one, think it truly shows you are committed to this.

I do think it would be great if your wife would join in and post, too. Determinator and his wife both post. I believe it has been a great help to both of them.

Take care and be well,
Cindi

[natasha]

I COULD SEE THE END BUT IT ALL CRASHED DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sorry about the wife, i have a similar husband situation. thank GOD i am an e-bay addict and can slam a window on my laptop in .5 seconds and have my computer set up to erase my browsing history. my husband 'spies' on me and would NOT approve of this but, well, F&*) him, it helps me. this may not be your case but i think my husband knows deep down that if i really get my act together and clean it up totally i'll leave him. just do what you need to do and don't feel you need to explain yourself to her or anyone else. you're #1 and that's who you're working on right now...with the improvement of your family relationships being the 'side effect' of those improvements. i may be saying some wrong things here and for that i'm sorry but your spousal situation just struck a chord with me...

[propartychief]

I COULD SEE THE END BUT IT ALL CRASHED DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hey everyone hope all are well.
THANK you for all your support I really do love all of you don't know if I would make it with out with you all.
today is a new one and I will be AF free!!!!!
making phone calls for work today. wish me luck.
I'll try again to get her to read the post I have and all the responses.
I don't really understand but she took some of the ones I read to her as an attack on her !!!
I don't feel that anything was ment like that just true concern for me.To stay focused and get well.
I think you all are right that as she begins to see real change things will get better.
She has heard from me times that I am changing only to fail.
So can't really blame her to much for her lack of trust in me.
But this time it really is different for me,never felt this positive about my beating this before!!
much LOVE and RESPECT to all
Bob

[betty boop]

I COULD SEE THE END BUT IT ALL CRASHED DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh Bob, So sorry about your miserable day ....

When I first found MWO, my hubby used to come out with snide remarks all the time, things like 'talking to your drinking buddies YET again' so one day I put some blackcurrant in a glass at the side of me and pretended to be asleep on the settee when he came home (how I used to be last year most days). He came home and went ballistic because I was 'drinking again' I calmly got up, asked him if he would like a drink of blackcurrant and said so tomorrow when I'm on the computer when you get home I assume it wont be a problem for you ......

He has never moaned since about MWO.

Love & Hugs, BB xx

[Cinders]

I COULD SEE THE END BUT IT ALL CRASHED DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:H BB. Smart thinking...

[propartychief]

I COULD SEE THE END BUT IT ALL CRASHED DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hanna,
I don't have a problem with him being on this site for help and comfort. I have a problem that he trades one addiction for another. We have a lot of issues after 13 years together and one of my biggest complaints is being a single mother. I'm lonely and tired of carrying the load of this family's needs alone, (him being the neediest of the bunch). I have my issues too, but my needs, addictions, and feelings don't matter. I'm glad he finds support here since he won't engage in the real world. I have friends and family that support me and he refuses to make any real connections with people. I'm relieved that he has all of you because I can't be his world anymore. I need him to become a whole individual that chooses the family over drinking, drugs, tv, internet poker or porn, and even over you.

[Cinders]

I COULD SEE THE END BUT IT ALL CRASHED DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PPC's wife,

Glad you posted!

I believe PPC is trying very hard to overcome this addiction and he has spoken so much about his love for you.

I also understand your feelings. It is very difficult and lonely to be the one "holding" everything up when all you want to a help mate and a whole husband. PPC's actions here indicate that is what he is striving for, too.

The first few days are very hard and I think he is trying to keep a lifeline out so he doesn't fall again.

Over time it will become less and less on the computer as he becomes more confident with his lifestyle change.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family through this incredibly difficult struggle.

Take care,
Cindi

[propartychief]

I COULD SEE THE END BUT IT ALL CRASHED DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hey everyone say hello to my wife!!!
I have admitted to you all most of these issues!
I know that I have not been here for her and I am trying to rectify that.
It feels as if I can't win!!!!
But I am not going to let that stop me like I said before I must do this for me!!

Bob

[gabby]

I COULD SEE THE END BUT IT ALL CRASHED DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hannah, great post.

Maybe Mrs Macks could help.

Bob.....extreamly way good on only 2 beers. Think about trying topamax. It has helped me sooo much. NO beer in almost 15 months. And TONS of stress! (You don't even wanna know)

[gabby]

I COULD SEE THE END BUT IT ALL CRASHED DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hi Bobs wife. Really really really this is a safe place that will help him and you too. Get your own name and come talk to us. We would love to have you. Answer anything you would want to know.

I started here almost 15 months ago and havent drank since I started. I'm just a normal person and you would probably think so too.