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    #1

    Why do I want it so much today?

    Hi guys,
    I am almost embarrassed to write this --- especially after reading the posts from Janka and Jay42, and everyone else with real problems --- but, I also could use some help here today. I don't know why I am having such an issue this afternoon!! The desire to drink is soooooo much stronger than it has been in the past month --- it is scary!!! I have actually even had fleeting thoughts of just throwing on the towel completely and resuming my old ways! I am truly shocked by my thoughts! I was in such a good place mentally before. What the heck happened?? The oddest thing is that there is nothing really unusual going on. I will tell you that I am not very happy and I get very lonely and bored --- but, what has changed today? Nothing!

    My first time at AF was a little over a month ago, and I made it 9 days. Then came vacation in Napa, and I was able to moderate. Since then, I have been AF off and on, with a few drinks here and there, but no where near drunk and passed out like my old MO.

    I guess I have made SOME progress, because my old behavior would have been to just do what I wanted and deal with the consequences later. I wouldn't have wanted anyone to try to talk me out of drinking. Today, I am hoping that someone can jolt me out of this!

    I really do appreciate your time!

    Happy Sunday!??!?!? :help!
    Tags: None
    #2
    Why do I want it so much today?

    Pink Lady, Helloooo ...

    We don't always need triggers to drink ........... we just want to ...........

    You've done 9 days before so why not now ???

    If you've gone 9 days then you don't need a drink, you just WANT one .....

    Stay strong love .............
    sigpicXXX

    Comment

      #3
      Why do I want it so much today?

      Like you, I want to drink very much right now.

      My doctor said "Whenever you get the feeling, go look in the mirror and decide whether you want to see a drunk or a happy person."

      Hang in there!!

      Hugs,
      Cindi
      AF April 9, 2016

      Comment

        #4
        Why do I want it so much today?

        Cindi,
        That advise helps me...I am gonna print that and save it...thanks! I might need it one day...
        PinkLady,Do you want to wake-up hung-over, feeling disappointed? Have to start all over at day one all for the bottle? Go find something positive to do...the craving will pass...

        Comment

          #5
          Why do I want it so much today?

          Hey Pink Lady,
          You sound like you are doing OK. I have read through your latest posts and you seem to be on the right road? I know as we all do that drinking thoughts can side swipe us at any time but as you said your approach is to keep working at this, trying to make progress and learn from mistakes,.....
          You are doing that it seems, so all is well! Cravings come and go. Ride the wave.

          xx
          Amelia

          Sober since 30/06/10

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            #6
            Why do I want it so much today?

            Be strong, it will pass with a little time, try to do something else to keep oyur attention for a bit.
            It's not that some people have willpower and some don't. It's that some people are ready to change and others are not.
            James Gordon, M.D.

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              #7
              Why do I want it so much today?

              That one is a real bummer eh?! Out of the blue and scary as hell..... A quick L-glut helped me as I got to grips with the fact that the feeling was probably the old boredom, loneliness you mentioned that I always used to drink on.... So I had to get used to the feeling of boredom and lonely, that's all.... (not being glib here...it's not nice I agree but wont hurt!) I didn't need to drink on it and nor do you love. It was just so unusual to feel that instead of 'pissed' and took (takes!!!!) some getting used to and is bound to feel all wrong as it is different from what you're used to.

              Hang in there - everyone else has said the good stuff.... we're with you and will see you clear headed and proud of yourself tomorrow/later (depending on where we all are!)
              Love and hugs
              F x :h
              :heart: c: :heart:
              "Be patient and gentle with yourself - the magic is in you."

              Comment

                #8
                Why do I want it so much today?

                Hope you are doing better today. Same thing has happened to me many times. The shrink tries to get me to figure out why-- and sometimes there is no damn good reason. None at all. Do you remember it happened to Rocky after 6 months AF?!!! So just take the good advice offered here (wish I had that a few times in the past-- but now I do and I'm sure I'll need it at some point.)

                So chin up. Let us know how you are faring.
                Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life... And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

                Steve Jobs, Stanford Commencement Adress, 2005

                Comment

                  #9
                  Why do I want it so much today?

                  Checking in ---

                  It has been almost 2 hours since I posted this thread, and I am happy to report that I haven't had anything to drink. I did the hypno CD (both tracks) and have now started to make dinner. I think the worst of it has passed. I sure hope so!!

                  Thanks for all that advice! Each of you are totally right. If I feel weak later tonight, I will come back and reread it all.

                  :thanks: Thanks to all of you! Love ya!!

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Why do I want it so much today?

                    The CD didn't put ya to sleep..HA HA Glad the worst is over. Sometimes we just have to "hang tough". But, the reward is great...way to go.

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Why do I want it so much today?

                      Such good news Pink Lady ... you pulled through, and serve as a strong example for me. take good care, j
                      Cuckoo for Cocoa Puff!!!

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Why do I want it so much today?

                        PinkLady........:goodjob: Stick with it and just consider how much better you'll feel in the morning. We're all proud of you.

                        Comment

                          #13
                          Why do I want it so much today?

                          WAY TO GO !!!!!!!!!!! Yahooo to you !!! That was so raw to read... I know exactly how you felt and have been there myself... I'm so proud of you and you'll feel like a million bucks in the morning !! Happy Dreams PinkLady !

                          ~ I hear a whinny on the wind~

                          Comment

                            #14
                            Why do I want it so much today?

                            Thanks, Friends! You guys are the greatest!!!

                            It has now been 4 hours, and I am still AF. Everyone's support (especially from a few special people) has truly helped calm the Beast! I don't really understand what happened this afternoon, but I feel in control now, and I won't let this thing beat me.

                            I have a glass of yummy water by my side (LOL), and if I can just get to bed (in an hour or so) without raiding the cupboard for something sweet either, I'll really be back in the game!! (Maybe the scale will reward me tomorrow for my 3 mile walk this morning, and no wine tonight, with a slight movement in the downward direction?!?!? That would be so cool!!!)

                            Anyway, thanks again for the strength.

                            PS. Janka -- My thoughts are with you. You deserve to be happy and I'm sure you will get there!

                            Comment

                              #15
                              Why do I want it so much today?

                              Thank you PinkLady ... don't worry about me ... it will all evolve, and I'll be okay despite the bumps in the road. I'm glad you're okay too and hope you get a good night's rest. i am always happy when one of us suceeds in the many difficult challenges we face. Sleep well, j
                              Cuckoo for Cocoa Puff!!!

                              Comment

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