I want to quit but I can't

[doogie]

I'm new here . . . Does anyone have ANY suggestions for me . . . I desperately want to stop or moderate my drinking yet I find myself have one (that leads to more) glasses of wine whenever I am off from work. I work the night shift so when I have an evening off I look forward to a cocktail or wine. My husband enjoys his drinks and it is something we do together as we play cribbage or hot tub or just visit. I see him drinking & I am jealous and want to too. So good intentions are abandoned and I join him. He can handle his alcohol and I find myself not remembering things I have said or done the next day or falling asleep. I take fioricet for headaches and migraines usually in the mornings (from drinking the night before) and I think having that in my system as well as the alcohol contributes to not remembering and passing out. HELP how do I quit, limit, or otherwise? I am taking the herbals recommended on "my way out" and I listened to the hypnosis CD. I told my husband I want to quit . . . he is supportive but then often will say "can I get you anything" sometimes I'm strong and say mineral water but all too often I say vodka & tonic or wine . . . I feel like a failure that I can't stick with it. Any suggestions? Thank you for reading this long, winded thread!

[Guest]

I want to quit but I can't

Hi doogie and welcome.
I understand how difficult it must be, being around someone who is drinking every night, and just how tempting it can be to join them. However, like you say, your hubby seems to be able to drink without incidence, unlike yourself. I was very much like yourself, in that I knew very well just how much alcohol my body could tolerate, yet would repeatedly drink way beyond that.........am ashamed to think of all the blackouts I had now.

I don`t think your hubby is helping matters any, by "innocently" offering you a drink, but at the end of the day, you`re your own woman. To successfully quit drinking, you have to want to do so, mind, body and soul and stop fooling yourself...........I was forever having a "little drink", completely in denial of my full-blown alcoholism.

It really is your own decision.........I was terrified of quitting, but a life without alcohol really is nowhere near as awful as we anticipate.

Wishing you love and strength,

Starlight Impress x

[wwbarb]

I want to quit but I can't

Doogie, I am in the same boat as you are . My hubby also likes his drinks. When I hear the ice hit the glass, I think, I want one. He usually just makes me one when he makes his.

In the beginning of the year, I quit for 72 days. Before I did this, I had a talk with him. I told him that I did not want him to ask me if I wanted anything. If I wanted a drink, I would make it myself or ask him to make it for me. I told him that I would not think that he was rude or uncaring for doing this. The first week was hard - the weekend murder. It was hard for him too to purposely ignore me. But I realized that the cravings were mental and only lasted moments. If I could make it through the moments, I could make it through. I made sure to have plenty of diet gingerale around the house and some kind of a low calorie (I do Weight Watchers, so it's a low point) treat for the "witching hour". By the way, that hour used to be 5:00 - it's turned into 7:00, so that's three or four less drinks I'm having.

He is totally supportive of whatever I want, and I have to be very clear about what that is. No hinting, no subtle remarks. You have to come out and ask for what you need - husbands were not designed to read our minds.

You are not failing. It's a process. You have already taken steps and are working towards success. You are learning more about yourself - that has to happen before you become successful.

Keep the faith!

[maxman]

I want to quit but I can't

welcome, its not going to be easy but you can do it

max

[hart]

I want to quit but I can't

Doggie

Hon, my husband does the same thing, when he goes and gets a beer he asks if I want one, hardly ever do I say no.

But my hubby IS an alcoholic. and we went 34 days AF once. We can do it again. It isn't hopeless hon, just hard. We have to change our habits, patterns, and we can. But we really have to commit to it.

When u and I r ready we will. :l

[Garliclady]

I want to quit but I can't

Doggie:
I'm new to this too and I know it's going to be hard for me. I could never have just one glass of wine. It's the whole bottle! I want to be AF so bad, I'm really going to try and also keep a positive attitude. We can do it!

[Garliclady]

I want to quit but I can't

Oooops! Sorry for the misspelliing Doogie.

[lucky 2.0]

I want to quit but I can't

the minute you say you cannot do something, it becomes true.

[memarcie]

I want to quit but I can't

Lucky is right, saying you can't do it is setting yourself up for failure. It is hard, but you CAN do it!

[janka]

I want to quit but I can't

Hey doogie, don't be so down ... yo uhave found a great place for support and inspiration. When you are truly ready to quit, you will. I have been af 13 days straight, and af 27 out of the past 28 days. I could have never done that without the support, inspiration and information I have received here. Lucky is very right you know. My suggestion is this:

opt for some improvement
read the threads and information on this website
use and apply what you can
post for support, ideas and help
take better care of your body
take it slow
and be good to and forgive yourself

I feel so, so much better now ... the first days were not so great, however, but the angels here propped me up and i was able to perservere.

you don't have to decide hwat you want to do forever today ... just feel a bit better and things will eveolve and fall into place.

be strong, ease up a bit, and take very good care, j

[MaryK]

I want to quit but I can't

Hi Doogie. I'm new too (day 3 af) On day one my husband got stinking drunk. On day two he went to the bar and had "a few" and came home smelling of alcohol. i just kept telling myself "better him than me" (as terrible as that sounds lol). I finally asked him to be a little more supportive of my efforts - we'll see what happens. All I know is I'm tired of drinking one or two bottles of wine a day - even though I love wine. I need to do this for me. I wish you the best of luck! Hang in there.

[LindZee]

I want to quit but I can't

Welcome Doogie, and MaryK too.

I?m another one in the same boat. My husband & I were drinking almost every night in spite of numerous times deciding to drink only on weekends. He keeps drinking until he falls asleep (or passes out). I got really sad and tired of seeing him do this to himself. Then I thought, hey, I?m drinking with him, how can I point a finger at him? Even if I was drinking less, I was still drinking often. I realized that I can?t change him but I can change myself. I joined a 30-day challenge and I?m on day 12.

During those 12 days I?ve passed lots of tests and grown stronger. I?ve sat in a restaurant bar and ordered Diet Coke. At night when my husband drinks and water won?t do it for me I have clear soda w/lime in a beautiful wine glass. It?s the first few minutes that are hardest ?making that decision whether to give in to the temptation or not. Lately I am must less tempted. When hubby is nodding off on the couch instead of being annoyed at him I am reading or on the computer or enjoying a movie. One of my favorite bonuses of being AF is reading a book at night and retaining what I?ve read. I feel so good in the morning too. Nothing beats this feeling.

You can do this for yourself. Maybe eventually when your husband sees the changes in you he will decide to cut down too.

Good luck to you, and YOU CAN DO IT!

LZ

[bootcampbarbie]

I want to quit but I can't

janka has a lot of packed full powerful coaching in there. you can do whatever it is you give your heart and mind to do. you'll have to let go of all the times it didn't work in the past. and you'll need to set your self up to win with the supplements and i do love the topamax and looking forward to getting my l.o. as well. but you have only to not take that first drink. so, i'm in this as well having entered my hat for the 30 days af. and am 1/2 way there but also having achieved like the least amount drinking in a 2 month period then i have in the 7 years i've been seriously drinking. so wow from 2 bottles a day of wine to once or twice a week was unbelievable. not to mention my waist line loves it. wow, hubby showed me pictures of me over the years, cute still but alc puff face like i can't believe. now, it is all thin and chiseled. but wow, i mean did everyone know i was some kind of wineo? lol so obvious to me. anyway, today is the day for a whole new day. we can't fool anyone not even ourselves. come back to the boards and pm all the time.

[doogie]

I want to quit but I can't

Janka, you give me inspiration! Thank you. thank you to EVERYONE who has offered advice support and your friendship.