I MISS MY LITTLE GIRL

[ECHOME]

Hi everybody. Very long day at work. Sad sad sad. I found a very good OP rehab clinic that has a reputation of being world class. I start tommorow. For 5 or 6 monthes 3 times a week. It is called CDIOP. Chemical dependecy intensive out patient therapy. UGH. I need it bad and I need it now. Iam overwelmed and unable to cope with simple tasks. I cant even spell my words correctly....DUH. I miss my little girl. She has blonde hair and blue eyes. She has slept with me almost every night since she was born. She loves to snuggle her daddy. I dont know when I will see her again. I have to stay away for a very long time. My heart and my wifes heart are broken. I have caused so much pain and suffering that I have lost my right to see my little girl. I cannot see my wife who is the love of my life. There is more pain in my body and mind then I thought possible. If you think a broken heart does not hurt physically you would be very supprised. There is a syndrome were the mind releases chemicals that are very toxic to the heart it is called broken heart syndrome. I have seen this first hand with a 36 year old female. The heart begins to shut down were the apex starts to act dyskinetic. Arm pain, chest pain and ekg changes, shortness of breath. All from the mind. Today I felt like that I did not even bother to look at my heart. I spoke to my best friend tonight MY wife. We spoke for a long time. I never thought the sound of someones voice could mean so much. I have so much to say but Iam very tired. I will write some more in a little while. ECHOME

[ECHOME]

I MISS MY LITTLE GIRL

PS Iam still AF. Thats becouse I cannot and will not drink again.

[MyHeartIsDrenchedInWine]

I MISS MY LITTLE GIRL

Sorry to hear that! Maybe you could have supervised visitation until you are rehabilitated to their satisfaction? It sounds like your wife is willing to work with you and you've found a good program. Hang in there!

[amethyst]

I MISS MY LITTLE GIRL

Echome, good for you being AF. You are obviously either a health care professional or someone who investigates and pays VERY close attention. Either way, you know you are ok, but suffering greatly. The damage that has been sown, will need to have time to repair. But as long as you stay AF and keep your mind straight, you will stand a better chance. But for YOU!!! please keep posting. We ALL care, and so want you and your family to suceed. It is important for you-and for us- that you do the best you can, and tell us how life is going-every day. Hell, every hour if needed. There is not such a thing as too much posting when trying to go AF, and especially to restore your family. Hugs and prayers for you and your family:h

[tawnyfrog]

I MISS MY LITTLE GIRL

Hi Echome ... I guess it's going to be a long and lonely process. Stay focused - keep posting. We're here to listen. Thank you so much for your honesty.

You cannot and will not drink again.

[bootcampbarbie]

I MISS MY LITTLE GIRL

yes there is all that has gone on that has broken everything down echome. but think about now what opportunities you have to make it all right. so on the road to recovery you get to face the demons. you get to reclaim your life. be grateful god has given you another chance. embrace that you now have this chance. because you can never drink again not one single drop.

[ECHOME]

I MISS MY LITTLE GIRL

Iam so happy you posted a reply. I was just feeling guilt for posting so much. I felt like I was trying to be the center of attention. I spoke from the heart. I have never done this before i.e. writing on the net. In fact I dont remember the last time I wrote a letter. I feel so strange. I have opened my soul to the world. I have shared with you things I never told anybody. There is so much love here. I can not thank everyone enough for the prayers and support during the worst time in my life and the lives of my family. Iam soooo worried for my wife. A man died today from the same type of injury i gave my wife. Head butt that gave her a concusion. Iam sorry to everybody who has to read this. No man has a right to hurt anybody for any reason at all. My guilt and total shame are unbelievable. So many people hate me for what I have done. Not one person here has tried to hurt me with there words although I would not blame them. I want to say it was an accident. I want to say it was the booze. I want to say so many things but no matter what I hurt my wife and I take full responsibility. I was drunk got into an uncontrolable rage. I remember very little. Iam very sorry Please find in your heart to forgive me I cant forgive myself. I cannot and will drink not again. ECHOME

[STARLIGHT]

I MISS MY LITTLE GIRL

ECHOME, I'm giving you support in your OP recovery! I wish yoy LOL and support from your family! Keep on going and doing the right thing! You know what that is! You can do it, if you really want too! Keep coming here for reading and posting. It will help so much. This is a wonderful site to be encouraged with our problems!
Blessings, Angel

[Finding My Self]

I MISS MY LITTLE GIRL

Echome - there is nothing but hugs coming from my corner of the UK. I am touched by your honesty and courage in opening up...that it the beauty of this place - we have the opportunity of showing our soul and discovering that, no matter what, there is always a nugget of gold in that soul to grow and grow, Here we look for the good and nurture it as it grows.

I am just imagining the posts I so look forwards to reading about you and your wife and little girl meeting up together again...I hope that wont be too long. It is early days but never say never...could there be a chance of supervised visitation at some point?

I don't think I need say anything about staying AF; you seem to have 'got it'....but I will leave this sentence in as I too, care about you and want to share every tool I've come across that might help.... "If it's to be it's up to me"....leave that drink well alone!!!!

I want to thank you too, for what you said about the heart... I actually awoke half an hour before I read your post and lay there thinking, "I wonder what actually happens with the heart for 'that' pain to be so intense?".... I know it well and felt it a lot yesterday. I was going to look it up but, in the way of this incredible site, there you were with the answer!!You sound like someone involved in medical matters - if so, stressful anyway?!?!

Thank YOU Echome for beng here and having us share your journey. Never feel guilty for posting loads - I know, I did/do but that's daft! I, for one, don't feel you're being anything but hell bent on repairing your and your family's life. How can that be anything other than wonderful? And just remember, you don't jump into our eyes, we have to press the poota keys to read about you! And press them I will and I suspect I wont be alone!

I think forgiveness - the BIG one - is a gift we are given when the time is right. The one where we forgive ourselves right through. Whether it comes from your God, your Great Spirit or whatever is 'bigger than you to you'........... Trust that it will come because 'they' know things beyond our understanding. Do the work required of you and the first step will be being able to look at the guy in the mirror knowing you are proud of him for trying, learing, doing all he can and for truly wanting to change... That's how it seems to me. (I had a 'wonderful moment' and I hope you do too one day.) I'm too 'small' to 'offer forgiveness' but if it helps any, I wouldn't be reading your posts without it now would I?!?!

Lots of love Echome - hang in there. Be all you can be.

FMF xx

[satori]

I MISS MY LITTLE GIRL

Echome,

Post away - that is what this place is here for!
The more you post, and are around this place - the better chance of success you will have - this place is the only thing that has ever worked for me.
The people here will never judge you.
You are addicted to alcohol - like all of us here, and that makes us do sometimes crazy things we should not do!
But - we HAVE got a choice!

We can all see how much you and your family are hurting - but YOU and only you have it in you to heal that hurt.
You at least still have open lines of communication with your wife - so there probably IS a chance of sorting this mess out.

You know exactly what you need to do.
You have a choice - alcohol or your family, who you obviously love very much - it is as simple as that!

Go for it my friend, - we will support you every step of the way!

We look forward to hearing your success story - things WILL get better - just tell us what we need to do to help you succeed!

I sincerely wish you and your family all the best.

Satori

[Guest]

I MISS MY LITTLE GIRL

echome,
many of us had to hit bottom to one degree or another to WAKE-UP. YOU can do this and the rewards are so great! you will have your family back. the smile on my childrens faces and to hear their laughter and see their smiles again was so worth any amount of struggle i had. it ain't easy, but it can be done! welcome and post away! i buried my self here in the beginning and still do during rough spots. it helps, you will find nothing but support!

[Guest]

I MISS MY LITTLE GIRL

ECHOME,
You can redeem this sad situation by doing all in your power to stay off the booze. Sure, you can`t go home for a long while, but in one respect that`s for the best, as you`ll return home after a lengthy spell off the drink. Your wife talking to you says she wants you and she`ll see how worthy you really are of both her and your wee girl by you staying off the booze.You`ve done well not to drink.

Am sorry you`re hurting so badly.

Starlight Impress x

[memarcie]

I MISS MY LITTLE GIRL

ECHOME, I hope you do well in the IOP program and you can gain some respect and trust back from your wife.

I've always believed if my husband physically hurt me I would be gone and wouldn't look back. I have never been in this situation, so I don't know if I would follow though with that or not.

You have a long road ahead of you and it sounds like you are getting the help that you need. Be strong, stay AF and give her some time. If this was truly a one time thing, maybe she will consider giving you another chance.

Best of luck to you, sounds like you are on the right path.

[Flip]

I MISS MY LITTLE GIRL

I am not condoning your past actions Echome, but I am condoning your present and future ones. I for one will have no time for you if you do that sort of thing again.

But the fact that you came on here so desperate, and yet so willing to be honest and upfront with yourself as well as us, means more than what you did to get you here.

You fucked up, and you know it. That much is obvious and I think that because we have all done incredibly dangerous/stupid/awful things that we have an understanding of where you were when it happened.

Everytime you come here you sound a little bit better, keep taking those baby steps and you'll soon be running, healthy and sober!

[ECHOME]

I MISS MY LITTLE GIRL

Thank you. You are helping me so much. Please keep praying for my family. There wellfare as just as if not more important than mine. You have to say 3 times as many prayers wife, daughter and son. I have not said much about my wifes young son. he was 3 or 4 when we got together. We had so much fun. My friends used to call him gromit. He was energenic. Big smile happy little kid. Now he hurts himself cusses at his mom and wants to hurt me. Iam the only dad he knows and I let him down, I have hurt him so much. We used to fish together and do dad stuff. I hope some day he will like me again. My wife said last night they are getting help twice a week starting this week. She said she really likes this person. She also said her therapist told her it was only a matter of time before she got hurt. My wife was to scared to tell me. I also have an older daughter. She just started college. We have not told her what has happend. My wife and her are best friends. She is very pretty, smart and has very high morale values. We talked last night about how to tell her. She will not take this very well. She does not like me drinking, She takes no crap from anybody. She is going to hurt very very much. For this reason we are only going to tell her about rehab and we are seperated. In time we will tell her the rest of the story. Day 4 AF. Start rehab at 12:30 assesment stuff like that. I hope I dont cry through the whole thing. If they know how deppresed Iam they will keep me. A nut in a squirl cage. ECHOME