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[Guest]

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MOW,
You were the one who decided this relationship was detrimental to you quitting drinking and you decided you and your wee girl would be better off without the bf.........that`s what this is all about.......whether or not part of him was happy that you were splitting is immaterial.........the problem here is that the ex bf can`t handle the rejection.........his big ol` male ego is dented, and the only way he can make himself feel any better is to slag you off.

I went through all this shit when I left my ex too........I was appalled by the stuff he text to me. However, I also knew that none of it was true, so I treated it like "water off a duck`s back"...........see this nonsense for what it is........laugh at him........he`s a jerk........and congratulate yourself for being well-rid of him.

Much love,

Starlight Impress x

[Finding My Self]

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MOW - hope you're doing a bit better today...well, you're DOING just great, I mean FEELING!

It hurts so much doesn't it when the sh*t comes up... Can't believe there can be so much of it and its scary to wonder how much more you can take. But it'll come gradually - keep playing with it for a bit and then get out to look at the sky, hills, buildings, people, shops - whatever you can to get 'out of it' (differently now!!) for a bit of 'consolidation time'.... I believe the mind needs us to get the hell out of the way while it (which it can when sober!)files things away in new places. So, little and often for the both 'activities'. Then we cope with the pain. And the cleansing tears which the Chinese say have special qualities of healing - I mean the actual tear liquid.... let'em flow free...

Just to say, I'm so with you...having to deal with more 'stuff' from my parents at the mo - must go and write a very important letter to them that I really can't be bummed with but to face myself in the mirror I have to. A thank you for something that I wish I felt grateful for but everything else rather cancels out - but write it I will. They've pushed me into a corner of needing to say thanks whilst the very thing I have to be grateful for proves - to them - I am sh*t through and through. But I'm not going there. It IS their stuff and they can wallow in their thoughts if it makes them happy. I can't change those thoughts but just look in that flipping mirror and know that they're not right.

I hope you can look in yours too and deep in your heart know that you're a good person. We love you; you show us your incredible self here....be proud of it and cherish it now.

Hugs MOW - keep believing in your strength.
FMF xx

[ECHOME]

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Iam soooo sorry you have to go through this. you are a good person. I know what it is like being the one slinging mud. I have an alcohol and drug problem that prevented me from seeing the good in people always negative hurtfull controling abusive etc etc etc. Only by the grace of god and the love of family am I now able to get the help I need to be a loving caring husband and father. Hopefull the father of your child will seek help and end his abusive cycle. Remember to take care of yourself first so you can take care of your child. ECHOME

[MyOwnWoman]

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You have all said such wonderful profound things... thank you so much. Flip, I did read recently about co-dependency, and I could be the poster-child. Maybe that's why it hurts so much when those others say shit about me - because I go along thinkng if I'm good to them and give all I have that they should love me endlessly no matter what. I will take your advice and look into the topic more.
I love the quote from your book, bootcamp! I'll come up with 3 butt-kicking things by the end of the day.

I did end up drinking a bottle of wine last night and going to bed early. My daugther was with her dad and I find it VERY hard to be sober when she is not around. So day one is postponed again - to today. I'm not beating myself up about it - the past few months I've drank about 40% what I'd been drinking the prior year, so I'm doing okay. I very much want to get fully AF - I'll have my daughter at home the next 5 nights, so that will give me a good start.

I dreamt of him over and over last night. It was weird. Some of it scary stuff. But I'm thinking maybe it was my mind and heart purging him from me, because I feel much better this morning.

Thanks again ya'll.
hugs xoxoxoxo

[Accountable for Me]

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All I can say is big :l . Breaking up is never easy. I have to totally agree with Young at Heart in regards to people speaking badly about others means that they don't feel good about themselves. :l

[Flip]

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Have a look and see if there is a CoDA (co dependants anonymous) meeting anywhere near you. It's based on the 12 steps, and while that doesn't work for everyone (including me!) I looked past the crap and found comfort in the people there.

[Beaches]

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You are on the right path and taking charge of your life for yourself and your daughter. He can't hurt you anymore. You are such a strong person. I am listening to "You Can Heal Your Life" right now and it's all about how we let thoughts enter our mind. As long as you remain positive and know you are doing the right thing it will all work out. Best to you and many hugs.

[Flip]

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Pia Mellody has written several great books you might want to check out too, as well as Susan Hay's "you can heal your life" (as recommended by RJ, thanks!) It's good, isn't in Beaches!

[MyOwnWoman]

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Good idea Flip - I never heard of 12 step for co-deps, but thought of going to Al-anon, since it's in my alcoholic household as a child that I got this way.
Thanks Beaches... I have the book You Can Heal Your Life. Maybe I'll crack it open.
xoxoxoxox

[hart]

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MOW You r a great person and lots of people like you!!!! Ignore the creep, and you don't have someone now because it hasn't been the right timing. Now that you are getting your drinking under control u will get the person u really deserve. I believe in you!!!:l

[satori]

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MOW,

Your ex is lashing out because you made him move out - simple.
You have been strong in making the right decisions for you and your daughter - weak people can't stand to see the strong succeed - it only reinforces their failures. They want you to be undermined and weak like them. It makes them feel better!

Remember - they are only words - a series of black pixels on a white background. hat is ALL!
The only harm they can do is if YOU make them more than that!

Stay strong!

Love n' hugs :l

Satori
xxx

[MyOwnWoman]

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You are absolutely right Satori.
I'm feeling MUCH better this afternoon. My daughter is coming back to me from her dad's tonight.. can't wait to see the cherub. I am so in love with being her Momma, and so glad that I can do it better than ever now.
Off to an AF evening! Thanks all.

[MyOwnWoman]

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by the way, blocking his email address has given me a much needed feelign of safety. Thanks for urging me to do that.

[Chief]

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Hope you're feeling better tonight. Take it one day at a time and you'll make progress. Don't let the bastard get you down...
Don

[YoungAtHeart]

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I'm glad that you're feeling better MOW. You deserve to feel good. Keep us posted and never hesitate to reach out. You can see how everyone here cares for you!:h