Am So Depressed

[Accountable for Me]

Am So Depressed

Oh, Janka. Thinking of you.

[Chief]

Am So Depressed

Stay with us Janka. We can help you through this. Come on chat tonight if you can..

Don

[Finding My Self]

Am So Depressed

Janka - my love to you. Stay focussed on the good. You deserve it even if you don't yet know how it will manifest.

Look after yourself.

FMF xx

[corky]

Am So Depressed

Janka,
I am brand new here. You are my first response. I have a thought. I know nothing of your situation except you and your husband are fighting and he's being really mean and asking for a divorce. I also see and admire your sobriety for 36 days (hope to be able to say that one day). Do you think your husband might be having a tough time with the fact you are sober and noticing he is being verbally abusive? I ask because mine can be also and I called him on it the other night. I had one glass of wine and he blamed everything on my drinking. The fight was entirely his doing over something ridiculous and unimportant that he brought up. My 14 yr old daughter was in the back seat confused and upset. I'm sure what she took away was her Dad was being mean to her Mom, but maybe it wouldn't have happened if her Mom wouldn't drink. He made sure to convey that to justify himself. Be true to yourself and try to be the person you want to show to others, especially your kids. Try not to let him push your buttons so you feel you need to drink. He's probably not used to you being in complete control. It might take time to trust each other but if you can salvage your marriage (assuming you want to) it may be worth it.

[KateH1]

Am So Depressed

Corky, Welcome...very wise, well thought out words. Please stick around and share!

Janka, we are all pulling for you, we miss you in chat, we care so much.....bottom line, we are here for you when you are ready.

Kate

[Ready4AChange]

Am So Depressed

J

You know I am praying for you. Hugs and more.

[janka]

Am So Depressed

Hi Everyone and thanks so very much. I blew it again last night ... not terrible, but still drank and I am so stressed out. Feel terrible for my kids. Don't know what to do except not drink today. I feel like such an idiot, cannot focus on things, and am afraid.

[magic]

Am So Depressed

Hi Janka

Well, for goodness sake, you need to do something.

This can't continue, can it?

If you are afraid of this man and he wants a divorce, give him the boot and change the locks. Then you and your children are in the house and he is not. For now. Then call the police and tell them you are afraid of him.

Call a woman's shelter and ask for advice, call an attorney Janka. Call your doctor! But you must do something. Look in your community for support, it is there.

You are drinking your life away. Abusive men rarely change, very rarely.
Your job now is to take care of yourself first and then your children. They need their mom.

YOU can do this, you need to do this, and it WILL be O.K. I promise.

Janka, stand up straight, say "I will no longer tolerate this, piss off" and mean it.

He has NO right to treat you in this manner. You are a worthy person Janka, we are all behind you, we want you to be well, but it starts with you!

Been there, sweets, have the t-shirt.

Strength, courage ......

magic xxx :l

[janka]

Am So Depressed

Thanks so much magic ... it's hard because he threatens me with financial things

[magic]

Am So Depressed

Hi Janka

I know it's hard sweetheart. But you need to do it. I know you are a strong woman.

If he threatens you with financial things....see a lawyer. See one anyway, beat him to the punch!

Find out what he can do and what he can't. Find out what you are entitled to. Probably a lot more than he thinks.

Empower yourself with knowlege so you are not so afraid. Stand up straight while you are doing this, don't allow him to bully you, control you or frighten you any longer.

Janka, my sweet, there is a good life awaiting you and your children. You just can't see it just now. Believe me, it's there. Right around the corner. But you must fight for it.

You have had a whole bunch of AF days so we know you can do it. Take the anger/rage/spite you have boiling in you and put it to good use. "Damn him"....."today is AF day number ONE because I have a fight on my hands and I have to be clear headed and healthy to WIN it! I will no longer allow my husband to treat my children and me in this manner. WE DESERVE BETTER! WE DESERVE LOVE AND RESPECT!"

Collect all the resources and support that you can, including us, and make a plan.

Call the woman's shelter in your area first and ask for advice regarding a counsellor in this area. They will help you. First and foremost you and the kids need to be safe.

It's a tough path, Janka, and ultimately your choice but I hope you choose it.

Your husband will probably never change but you can.

m. xx :huggy

[Guest]

Am So Depressed

Sorry I`ve not been around much the past couple of days janka. Hope you get a grip of things, because you and your kids are so worth living a sober life for.

Thinking of you,

Starlight Impress x

[corky]

Am So Depressed

Janka - once again I will be the devils advocate here. Divorce in my opinion should be the last resort. For you financially and for your kids emotionally. Make sure you don't react rather than act. If you think there is a way to get the two of you back on tract do it. (assuming he is not physically abusive to anyone - that is definitely not to be tolerated). Verbal and emotional abuse are bad, but I know from personal experience there is intentional abuse and angry abuse. I have been the recipient mostly of frustrated and angry abuse. I too am being threatened with divorce. I am trying to turn things around. I notice when I make an effort to be confident in myself instead of let him tell me how I am incompetent or make me feel worthless, he does seen to take notice. I have finished reading the book today, ordered the cd's, ordered Topramax, and plan to purchase the suppliments tomorrow and really get started. I have not and probably will not tell him about any of it. I'm afraid if I do and I fail, it will just be another reason why I am a failure and why he can't trust me. I did, however tell him I will be trying to go on a better eating program with less starches, with the intention that it will help my moods and health.Do you think your hubby might benefit from some frank discussion and possible changes in lifestyle/changes in diet or time together to reflect and try to come up with a plan that the two of you might try to work on? For those of you who have had devastating relationships that ended in divorce you may think me too optomistic, but I also know from my sister after 2 failed marriages that to walk away before you can look back and say you did all you could do will only leave with --- what if I had done this? What if I had done that? Which means you will never really leave the relationship behind. We can only fix ourselves. Whether they come along for the ride is up to them. Hopefully, I can turn it all around and be the example to my husband and my daughter what it takes to persevere and show them what strength of character really means. Just know that you are not alone in your journey. I have always felt I was. Until now. I think being able to let my real feelings and truths out without a face to put forward is liberating. It gives me an incredible sense of release and relief that I am one of many, as are you. Stand strong and decide in your sober moments what you REALLY want for yourself and your children. If he is too abusive and you need to move on, do it. Slowly, with conscious thought and determination and with a firm plan. I hope to hear more from you and how you are doing and I will keep you in my heart and prayers.

[corky]

Am So Depressed

Janka - once again I will be the devils advocate here. Divorce in my opinion should be the last resort. For you financially and for your kids emotionally. Make sure you don't react rather than act. If you think there is a way to get the two of you back on tract do it. (assuming he is not physically abusive to anyone - that is definitely not to be tolerated). Verbal and emotional abuse are bad, but I know from personal experience there is intentional abuse and angry abuse. I have been the recipient mostly of frustrated and angry abuse. I too am being threatened with divorce. I am trying to turn things around. I notice when I make an effort to be confident in myself instead of let him tell me how I am incompetent or make me feel worthless, he does seen to take notice. I have finished reading the book today, ordered the cd's, ordered Topramax, and plan to purchase the suppliments tomorrow and really get started. I have not and probably will not tell him about any of it. I'm afraid if I do and I fail, it will just be another reason why I am a failure and why he can't trust me. I did, however tell him I will be trying to go on a better eating program with less starches, with the intention that it will help my moods and health.Do you think your hubby might benefit from some frank discussion and possible changes in lifestyle/changes in diet or time together to reflect and try to come up with a plan that the two of you might try to work on? For those of you who have had devastating relationships that ended in divorce you may think me too optomystic, but I also know from my sister after 2 failed marriages that to walk away before you can look back and say you did all you could do will only leave with --- what if I had done this? What if I had done that? Which means you will never really leave the relationship behind. We can only fix ourselves. Whether they come along for the ride is up to them. Hopefully, I can turn it all around and be the example to my husband and my daughter what it takes to persevere and show them what strength of character really means. Just know that you are not alone in your journey. I have always felt I was. Until now. I think being able to let my real feelings and truths out without a face to put forward is liberating. It gives me an incredible sense of release and relief that I am one of many, as are you. Stand strong and decide in your sober moments what you REALLY want for yourself and your children. If he is too abusive and you need to move on, do it. Slowly, with conscious thought and determination and with a firm plan. I hope to hear more from you and how you are doing and I will keep you in my heart and prayers.

[janka]

Am So Depressed

Hi everyone and thank you so very much. I think I will have no choice but to divorce .. he is so angry ... and really worsens any sobriety I can have. my life is a mess, can't go to work, and my daughter hates being here, as it is very depressing and i cannot lift my spirits up for any prolonged period of time. I am scared

[Cinders]

Am So Depressed

Janka,

I have a feeling that once you have made a concrete decision, one way or the other, and start taking steps to achieve what you want, you will no longer be afraid.

My thoughts are with you. I know this is hard. I have been very close to divorce myself in 32 years and it is a giant upheaval in your life. Luckily, the man I married is basically a good, kind, decent man and I have not had to deal with the verbal and mental abuse you have.

Take each day slowly and carefully. Perhaps you should go to your doctor and talk about what is going on. Sometimes medication is called for if you are unable to get past the depression and anxiety from this. A good doctor can help.

Be well,
Cindi