A LONG AND PAINFUL JEARNEY

[tawnyfrog]

A LONG AND PAINFUL JEARNEY

Thank you AFM :goodjob:

I've been sitting on my typing fingers to restrain myself from firing off an emotional response.

So we want someone to be sober for years before we consider them "cured"? Well, how many of us can lay claim to that status??? One year, two years, 3 years ... ALL start with 15 days. I'm sorry that there wasn't a Day 16 report from Echo.

[Lucy Van Pelt]

A LONG AND PAINFUL JEARNEY

OK

My turn

I have to agree with AFM...

While his behavior (s) towards his wife (and children) are completely unacceptable, and no question, he needs to understand that she "deserves" the support for what happened, not him, he is here on this site, for support with alcohol issues. We all have done horrible things (maybe not that horrible, God, I hope not that horrible), but things we are ashamed of, and although this is not a place to condone what we have done, it is a place to support GOING FOWARD, and getting better.

No question, his wife deserves, needs, and requires SO MUCH support. THIS IS NOT THE PLACE FOR HER TO GET THAT. and this is not a place to give support that is "anti-her", or "anti-him" by any means. It is a place to understand what ochome is going through, and the disaster he has done to his life, due to alcohol, and what he has done to those around him...and most importantly, what he can do to get better. He may not have those he wants when he gets better, or he may, that is to be seen, but he has to focus on getting better, so he doesn't hurt them anymore. And we have to be here to help him with that...that is why we are here...Not to judge him on what he has done...we are pretty self-educated on alcoholism....but not so much on spousal abuse...so...even if we (any of us) have been involved...and have strong feelings...I understand that....but...I think...we need to be here as supporters of someone hurting, and trying to deal with the alcohol demon, and all that it has done to life...

ok..just my opinion


Love,

Beth

[Going Strong]

A LONG AND PAINFUL JEARNEY

I am probably leaving myself open to abuse here but I have something I want to share.
A few years ago I was hitting the wine pretty heavily and had a opportunity to drink all I wanted as my husband went out for the night..............well my husband is 6ft 4in, 120kg and I am 5ft 3in 62kg.
I drank nearly 3 bottles of wine and don't really remember much of that night except me (passive little shas) attacking my husband and really hitting him hard, scratching and even trying bite...........it is something I am so ashamed of and it is totally out of character for me, hubby was shocked out of his mind!
It has never happened again and wont happen again
All I am saying is that if you drink enough you can do things that you would never have done.

[Bluebell]

A LONG AND PAINFUL JEARNEY

Sharyn, thank goodness we have a place to come to- here - to share our experiences and get the support we need to try to turn our lives around.

[lorisunshine]

A LONG AND PAINFUL JEARNEY

Had to glue one finger of each hand to my desk to prevent me from typing.
I'll be ok by tomorrow.
Sigh..........................

[Accountable for Me]

A LONG AND PAINFUL JEARNEY

sharyn,

There has been an incident in our home a couple of years back. We had a HUGE argument - the worse kind where we were being as low as can be. I pushed him first (more like slammed him against a door handle) and he finished it (breaking my eyebrow bone). We were drinking like h*ll out of a hand basket in those days and one thing led to another. He was arrested, put in jail for the night and had Court appointed counseling.

Neither one of us have a violent bone in our bodies. It was the chronic drinking that was behind our incident. I am talking days on end of the drinking.

This is not an excuse but IT is the reason for our incident and the booze REALLY can f*ck with your head.

I don't condone ANY violent behaviour at all. We all want to be well and move forward in life. There are so many shameful things that may have happened in our pasts. It is what we do with it and learn from it that counts. Echome reached out and was slammed down because of some who have been on the receiving end of the violence. I don't blame them for expressing their thoughts either. The point of all this is to help him with the alcohol issue.

I have complete empathy and sympathy for anyone in a relationship where they are being battered either emotionally or verbally. Just face it, we live in a very sick world.

The only thing we can do is step up to the plate and make it a more peaceful and better one.

[Cinders]

A LONG AND PAINFUL JEARNEY

AFM/ ECHOME,

This was a really and i Mean "really good" post.

There are people who are violent fron their drinking. No, not me, I jsut f'ng blackout. Great.

Echome. We are all just trying to tell you that you should addresss the drinking issue, but the abusive issue is sonewhat sepate.. I know as an alcohoic you think they are part and parcel of the same probem, but they are not. I have NEVER hurt, hit, or abused my family due to my blackouts or drining.

You have much to work on.

However, You can work on all the issues. Do it. No, YOU CANNOT EVER DRINK AGAIN. But there is more to it than that. Even sober, you must be a 'GOOD' to the people, I am in your life. Period.

I have been married for 32 years. If my husband had ever "head butted" me, I would be in jail today, I am scrappy and NOONE hurts me. Some things are just NOT acceptable.

However, I am a true Rennaisance Woman. You can and will change your reactions to your wife's and children's response. Because, responding with VIOLENCE simply is not acceptable. PERIOD..

You CANNOT AND WILL NOT DRINK AGAIN.
Because your reactions when you do ARE NOT ACCPETABLE.

Love and keep on staying AF,
Cindi

One more thing. It does not do one bit of good to have "great remorse" over you last actions; however, it does do a huge amount of good to figure out what your last actions were destructive and NEVER DO THEM AGAIN!!

Get it???

[chrysa]

A LONG AND PAINFUL JEARNEY

Heavy heavy thread. Where are you Echo and how is your wife? What is going on?

I can clearly see both sides of the issue raised in this thread.

It is a disease & a huge component of the disease is lying -- lying to others (all others) as well as lying to oneself. Getting better in this case, due to age, will take time. it is too early. We shall see later.

For many with the disease alcohol & violence do go together. The disease manifests in many ways. howver lying is the consistent component throughout.

Sharyn44..cannot see that your incident was same thing at all.

[Cinders]

A LONG AND PAINFUL JEARNEY

My MWO family,

Actually, I can see where Sharyn44 is coming from. She is saying that being drunk can make you do things you would never, ever, do sober.

Echome. I am hoping that is the case for you but even if not, even if you are abusive sober, I pray, and I mean PRAY that you can figure out what caused it and NEVER DO ANYTHING LIKE THAT AGAIN.

I am sorry we are dwelling on this, Echome. We are simply trying to figure out the causes, effects, and reasons behind this kind of abusive behavior.

It has nothing to do with you personally. Alcholism and abuse go "hand in hand," and we are just now, for the first time since I joined this site, addressing this.

This in no way minimizes what you are going through and how heartfelt your remorse is and how hard you are trying to "right" the wrongs.

In my heart and soul, I wish only the best for you and your family. PERIOD!!

Love,
Cindi

YOU CANNOT AND WILL NOT DRINK AGAIN!!

[MyHeartIsDrenchedInWine]

A LONG AND PAINFUL JEARNEY

I can see where everyone is coming from, but at the end of the day SOMEONE needs to help Echome. Yes, he has flaws (as we all do) but underneath all the crap is a wounded soul that needs to be healed. He has admited needing help and wanting to do better....that's as good as it gets!

Luvya Echo : )



Myheart

[KateH1]

A LONG AND PAINFUL JEARNEY

First of all, I believe that it is extremely important that we "Speak Our Truth" that is, the truth that we believe.

With that being said, yes, I know that we are all problem drinkers, we have all said and done things while drinking that we are ashamed of. In order to live a sober life, we need to put the past in the past. The question is, do we need to atone for our drunken deeds? Yes, I believe we do.......many of us have done so and continue to do so. Do we deserve sympathy? I think not. Do we deserve empathy, absolutely, if we are being honest.

I admit it, I have "O" tolerance for abuse....."0". I have even more intollerance whe I see a perpetrator, who is self serving and manipulative.

If Echome is truly sorry for putting his wife in the hospital with a concussion....then he needs to be more concerned for his wife and children. Who is supporting them financially?

He needs to quit writing all of this "romantic BS" and stop calling his wife on the phone and writing these rediculous stories of their romantic conversations. She has a restraining order.......he needs to respect that. He needs to stop calllng her in order to gratify himself.
He needs to work two jobs, if that's what it takes to financially support his wife and children. He needs to provide his wife and children with the money for counseling, not to mention the means of support. He needs to be more concerned about them than he is for himself. He needs to get off the pity pott and be a man.
Has he mentioned, even once, what affect his violence has had on these young children? Nope! It is all about him, and how he misses his kids. Pay attention and get a clue people!

Does he reach out to anyone else here? Reach out without seeking pity for himself?

Look at the threads that he has started on behalf of himself over the past three weeks! Six threads........all about himself.

I say, Echome....work or your sobriety.......work on your anger. Support your family financially. Reach out to others that are suffering and most of all, stop looking for self gratification. Yes.....you lurk here everyday.......Grow up and be a man, a father and a husband......support your family through this horrible time. Leave your wife alone, unless she contacts you. Give here a chance to heal....
KateH

[tawnyfrog]

A LONG AND PAINFUL JEARNEY

KateH1;207209 wrote: Pay attention and get a clue people!KateH

Kate, I find that quote really offensive. I have been paying attention and I don't think I'm totally clueless. Would you like to tell us what's really going on with you? Why are you so angry?

Your Truth and my Truth differ. I cannot and will not set out to deliberately hurt someone when they are down. I consider that to be a form of violence and, like you, I abhor violence.

Echome is not the first person to start new threads "all about himself". Lots of people do it when they first come here. We all came here because we were clasping at straws. I do not pity Echo. I do not condone his actions. Nor do I appoint myself his moral or behavioural guardian. All I can offer him is my support in this hideous struggle and hope like hell that he can turn his life around.

With respect,
Tawnyfrog.

[Bluebell]

A LONG AND PAINFUL JEARNEY

I find a lot of what Kate says offensive and angry.

I totally agree with you Tawny in that all we can do is offer our support, no matter what the history of the person seeking support is.

Kate, I feel you are doing no good with your responses. You may even be putting newbies off posting new threads "about themselves" for fear of you bagging them. If people are not posting threads "about themselves" who, on earth, are they going to post about? All we know for sure is our own stories and our own efforts to get out of the hell of being controlled by alcohol.

Kate, you are no morality queen. You have no right to tell Echome or anyone what they should or shouldn't be doing. You have no right to imply that he is not looking after his family financially. He is not YOUR husband. You have obviously had very bad experiences with the man/men in your life. Do not transpose this over to Echome's experiences. Reverse phsycology perhaps?

You are the one seeking attention. You are the one that needs to work on things. You are the one who needs to grow up.

Unfortunately, with no respect,
Bluebell

[Beaches]

A LONG AND PAINFUL JEARNEY

Echome, I hope that you do come back and start posting again I see that you've been checking in and I'm sure you are a little leary of posting.

This has become a very heated thread which I knew it would be. Violence is not taken lightly by anyone one. No one hear condones any type of violence which has been stated over and over, even by Echome.

I would like to say that this is a place that we come to bear our soles, our greatest demons, the worst parts of ourselves to reach out for help and not to be judged. We come here for help. We come here because we have nowhere else to go. We only get to see parts of people's lives that they choose to let us see. I hope that Echome is honest and is getting help for his Anger and Addictions and is one of the people that really can make the change for himself and his family. I hope that he will break the cycle of abuse for his family, if his family allows him that opportunity. That is not for any one of us to decide though is it? We are here to support him with his journey.

[Flip]

A LONG AND PAINFUL JEARNEY

At what point do we forgive people for their wrong doings?

How long does it have to be before it is 'history'?

This is a forum to discuss alcohol recovery. Some of it's not pretty.