oh Teardrop!
So glad you posted. I was worried about you. and still am. Can you get yourself somewhere safe where people can look after you? Something like a detox? The deadly horrible thing about alcohol is that we drink to feel better, or at least numb out, and the depressive effects of the alcohol and remorse afterwards just keep piling up and the spiral just keeps going down. and then we drink more to try to forget. And when you start to acknowledge that the drinking is killing you (as you are doing on this board), it's so scary, because it also feels like you can't live without it.
So where do you go from here? If I were you I would say "uncle". You sound so weak and sad from the drink, let somebody REALLY help you. We all have times when we need to be carried and you're just as deserving as anyone else.
Stay close and big hugs-
luv, Beth
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