FRIDAY NIGHT FREAK OUT - 1st Week AF!!!!

[Guest]

FRIDAY NIGHT FREAK OUT - 1st Week AF!!!!

Hi Wonderworld,
Sorry I wasn`t around last night when you were having a rough time.
However, I just wanted to give you this little bit of hope and encouragement.

When I first went AF, I was like something possessed.........I thought about alcohol every waking second and had to avoid shopping for food anywhere that sold it, as I sooooo wanted to bring a bottle home with me, and yet, at the same time, I soooooo wanted to make it home without having bought any.

Here`s the hope and encouragement part............I wasn`t around last night as I was tired and decided on an early night...........an early night on a Friday night, without having had the least inclination to buy any alcohol, so...........it does get better.........the obsessive thoughts about the booze do start to wane.........a Friday night soon becomes no different from a midweek night.

Sending you loadsa love and strength for tonight.

Starlight Impress x

[slightlysuze]

FRIDAY NIGHT FREAK OUT - 1st Week AF!!!!

How are you this morning, Beth? :l

Happy Saturday!


Suze x

[happydog]

FRIDAY NIGHT FREAK OUT - 1st Week AF!!!!

Hi Wonderworld,
Well done for not drinking, I can relate to you -weekends are my worst nightmare. Tonight iam going to try so hard not to buy a bottle,i dont really like what drink is doing to me any more.

Take care for tonight.
Teardrop.x

[wonderworld]

FRIDAY NIGHT FREAK OUT - 1st Week AF!!!!

Good morning all-

Many thanks Hannah, Don, Hippie, Teardrop, Suze, Mags, xtexan, Starlight, tea, and everyone else for all the encouragement and reminders! They help so much. And yeah, I feel better this morning. Had a tossy-turny night again - but i'm fine.

And Starlight - like you, I've had lots of years at a time without alcohol, and after the first 3months (or year, it varies) the weekends, and any other time became very naturally alcohol-free I didnt even THINK about it. AT ALL. I'm really seeing how after a lapse back into drinking (this time after about 5 years AF), there's a really gnawing feeling or voice that accompanies any thoughts about drinking or cravings - it's like the alcohlic part of me says "this is my last chance to drink. It's only been 7 days, so what's the big deal starting over tomorrow? " and doesn't want to let go.

I guess that's what makes the beginning so hard and why contemplating "forever without alcohol" in the very beginning gets anyone extremely anxious. The fortress was penetrated and now the enemy wants to keep at it - knows it's possible! And I'm sure there are brain/chemical type things here too. And maybe some awareness of all this is why I've been able (so far) to catch myself so quickly and come back to sobriety this time - with MWO. (and I'm not out of the woods). I SO don't want to hit another "bottom" or lose anything I've gained in my life (or, let's face it - lose my life altogether), and I know I will if I keep drinking. It's a FACT I've proven everytime I had a "relapse". There is no moderate drinking in my world. Never has been. Never will be. It's like saying "the sky is blue".

So maybe after, oh, 20 years of working with this issue, I've learned something. But it's also beyond the rational mind, especially in the beginning, and why talking about it with other people in the same boat, being as honest as possible, getting support, and giving it, is so critical. There's an internal battle raging, between "I want to drink(irrational)/I don't want to drink(rational)", and by myself I'm not strong enough. Which is fine, as long as I acknowledge that and get the help I need. And the MWO program does have an empowering "you can take charge of the situation" message, which is just what I needed to grab those bootstraps and get to work.

Well, there's a little light chat for a Sat. morning! And a long ramble......sorry . But it's good for me to try to put words to these things. Have to keep "talking" about it. Relapses happen. But I don't have to ride the elevator all the way down to the basement. This board has been a saving grace. Someone hand me a tissue....... seriously....

Big hugs to everyone:h :h - off to read what's happening with everyone else today-

Beth xox

[Guest]

FRIDAY NIGHT FREAK OUT - 1st Week AF!!!!

wonderworld, glad to hear you`re feeling so positive and determined to nip the drink in the bud before it completely takes over your life again. What you said is absolutely right..........we all need company for the journey. I thank RJ for creating M.W.O. and I thank all the site`s members every day in my heart, because without all of this, I would not be sober today.

Starlight Impress x

[Chief]

FRIDAY NIGHT FREAK OUT - 1st Week AF!!!!

Beth, Great Job on making it through the night! I know it was tough but you did it! Be proud.
Your post was not rambling, it was right on the money. We all know exactly what you are talking about and we've all been there. There ARE 2 different voices in our head concerning drinking, and you are right, one is the real you; very rational and intelligent. The real you knows that you can no longer control your drinking. The real you knows that if you don't stop, something very bad is bound to happen. The real you knows that if this was happening to any other person you would think they were insane for doing this to themselves. The real you wants to quit. And then there is the other voice. This is the completely irrational voice that wants only one thing: booze. The Booze Beast does not care anything about you , the people around you, or your survival for that matter. It doesn't care if drinking affects your thinking process. It doesn't care that drinking poisons every organ in your body and eventually they will start to shut down. It's answer to anything and everything life throws at you is " Have a drink, that will make you feel better." " That will make the problem go away." Of course, nothing can be farthur from the truth.
I was a heavy drinker for 30 years and tried to quit or moderate many times. I always failed. I found this site and it and the wonderful people here have changed my life.
I succeeded when I finally realized and ACCEPTED that I could no longer drink. Moderation is out of the question. I have to live my life alcohol free. That was a very scary concept to me at first. Drinking was a very big part of my life. I drank everyday. I didn't know if I could NOT drink.
But I could not continue drinking the way I was. I was miserable. I realized the pain of drinking was more than the pain of quitting...
So I decided to do this thing. I bought the book, the supplements, kudzu, l-glut, and the cd's. I started the MWO program and followed it "by the book". I was on this site for hours everyday the first week or so. When I needed to read other people's posts, I did. When I needed to talk and ask for help, I did. And the great folks here were here for me. I decided I was not going to just sit around passively and wait and hope I could get through it. I decided to engage the enemy. I decided I was going to take back my life. Fuck the Beast. There was a new sheriff in town.
It wasn't a piece of cake, but it wasn't THAT hard either. I really believe it is all about your frame of mind. You have to want it. You have to have the attitude that failure is not an option. This is, after all, your life we are talking about.
So now I'm rambling. But if I can do it, so can you. Today is day 71 for me and I no longer have any desire to take a drink. I would no sooner put alcohol in my body than I would inject heroin. It just is not going to happen.
I hope this helps you understand that there is a way out. If you really want to stop the insanity, we can help...

Pm me anytime,

Don

[wonderworld]

FRIDAY NIGHT FREAK OUT - 1st Week AF!!!!

Thanks stalrlight. And thanks for reading such a long philosophical post. Talking/typing to myself here is keeping me out of trouble. But I still feel kind of shaky. I know it's only been 8 days, and it will take a little more time. But I get scared that I might not get completely back on the AF track with MWO alone. I'm such a hopless textbook alcoholic when I drink and it's so hard to really stop. I only drank for like less than a month, but it feels like the floodgates were opened and I'm struggling really hard to shut them again. Do you/did you take meds? If you don't mind me asking. I started campral , but had some bad side effects so I decided just to do the supplements. I'm wondering if I'm not making it too hard on myself and should I try one of the others like topomax or naltrexone. I tend to have bad side effects with meds in general, but if I need to.....
Just wondering what your thoughts might be in this area.

Thanks-

wonder

[wonderworld]

FRIDAY NIGHT FREAK OUT - 1st Week AF!!!!

Oh Don- thank you so much. Also really needed to hear all that you said. I haven't gotten the cd's. Now I will. Same question for you as Starlight - did you/or are you taking meds along with the supp's? And when did you feel like you really turned the corner with not wanting to drink? I'd love to hear-
Beth

[Chief]

FRIDAY NIGHT FREAK OUT - 1st Week AF!!!!

Hi Beth, Star started a couple weeks before I did. In fact, she really helped me during the first few days and we have become good friends since. She is a very special lady. But to answer your question, neither one of us did any meds. We both wanted to do it as naturally as possible and didn't want to have to deal with any possible side effects of taking drugs. But some people swear by them to help with cravings.
Maybe Star and I are just both stubborn...lol, but we both feel that if you want to beat this thing you have to really make a committment to yourself and refuse to take a drink, no matter how you feel or what the Beast is telling you.
You are past the hardest physical withdrawl period since it's been 8 days. It's all in your head now, girl, so maybe you are making it hard on yourself. Try to get a hold of the fact that this is it. You don't drink anymore. Don't look at not drinking as something that you are depriving yourself of. Look at it as, " Thank God I'm over the first week, and I don't EVER want to go through that again!" You are now getting used to being sober again. Enjoy it and notice it and embrace it. Let it grow on you.
Hope this helps. Coming on chat might help too.

Don

[Chief]

FRIDAY NIGHT FREAK OUT - 1st Week AF!!!!

I turned the corner on not wanting a drink after about 10-12 days. I think Star will tell you the same thing. It really is a frame of mind thing though. At some point you stop wanting to want a drink...if that makes sense...

Don

[slightlysuze]

FRIDAY NIGHT FREAK OUT - 1st Week AF!!!!

Hi Beth

Extremely wise words there, from Don. Once you're past the physical withdrawal the problem is mostly in your head. My experience is that all the painful things in life make me want to medicate the pain away.....alcohol was what I tried to do it with. Of course, the whole point is that it doesn't help...it just makes things worse.

I'm slowly getting to grips with accepting that life just IS painful. Full stop. I don't want to make it more painful by drinking. At the moment I only have will power....alcohol is just not an option. The real recovery, I think, is when we learn other ways of helping ourselves. Good nutrition, exercise, cultivating calmness, learning to go with the flow etc.

Beth, you have to get through a crisis to survive a crisis!!! Be a survivor! :h

Suze x

[Cinders]

FRIDAY NIGHT FREAK OUT - 1st Week AF!!!!

Star, Don, Suze,

Great thread!! Thanks Beth for starting it.

I am printing it out so I can keep it with me in my purse. I will read it when I get my anxiety attacks so I can get past those without self-medicating.

You are all so awesome. :h

Beth, listen to them, they have beat the beast. You can, too!

But more importantly, you will be happier than you are when drinking. Remember that. Sometimes we think we are going to be unhappy without the booze, that is the beast talking. Yes, sometimes we will be unhappy, that is life, but ultimately we will be happier without the booze to make things worse.

Cindi

[Lunapro]

FRIDAY NIGHT FREAK OUT - 1st Week AF!!!!

This is a fantastic thread. Such wise thoughts, thank you all. It was stuff I needed to hear this weekend.

[Suzanna]

FRIDAY NIGHT FREAK OUT - 1st Week AF!!!!

Yes Yes! Fantastic thread, should be required reading for all. I am coming to the realization that I need to just full on quit for good, starting now, and when Friday night rolls in I'll have this thread favorite placed and will refer to it. Thank you Beth, Don, Star and everyone for wise words, all! Of course I will be on MWO as this site is vital for the support.

[wonderworld]

FRIDAY NIGHT FREAK OUT - 1st Week AF!!!!

Since this feels like the wonderweekend thread thought I would report here.

There is NOTHING better in life than waking up sober. NOTHING. And having had "the willies" alot of the day yesterday, it is SO SWEET to be here this morning without guilt, remorse, hangover, terror, and with knowing "I made it through another day". Please, please please, don't let me ever forget how good it feels, no matter how rough it gets.

I spent, oh I have no idea how many hours here yesterday. And that's what got me through. Hands down. thank you thank you thank you to everyone here. Every post, every word, helped. This internal battle requires troops!

Don, when I hear you say "Fuck the beast", I swear I get so pumped! Want to kick it's A** !!!! six ways to sunday!!! He's a sneaky relentless killer and he can kiss it!!!!! BLAH!!!!! CREEP!!!!!

big hugs to all-

XX wonder