Panic Attacks!

[Guest]

Panic Attacks!

Bootsie it is so odd to me hw whem someon passes suddenyl you have thei "jumpy" feeling for months after their death. I kept expecting Billy to walk through that door. Like it hadn't really happened. Like I was living a nightmare. I can not explain to emmense sense of pain you feel when the coroner comes to your door and tells you your loved one is dead and so mangked you never get to view their body to say good-bye. I know you also lost a close loved one!!! I know you know this feeling. It is different than knowing someone will die. Although I chersih the time with my Mom, I HATE she is suffering. What you wrote to me is beautiful. Love you deeply....

[bootcampbarbie]

Panic Attacks!

i do know this feeling. i know it many ways. honestly i wish i couldn't have seen my sister in the morgue. too painful. and then you know picking my dad's ashes up in that giant what looked like a video box. i mean it was so surreal. i even seat belted him in and brought him home and put him on his side of the bed. i just knew if i went to sleep i'd wake up and all of it would have been a bad dream. yes i agree with you in ways too the sudden death seemed a whole different experience. my friend was quite literally decapitated in a motorcycle accident. gone poof over but watching my sister and my father suffer over time and then die. every day i would wake up and want it over and then want it to not be over. i wanted my life back too. want for me not to feel this pain too. feeling mine theirs ours. so you know i'm there with you my sister. there all the way......

how about this.....

the light assaults the darkness
it is more glaring then a meteor
the nite is the blackness that my heart fights to stop
indispensable, singular and worthy of tomorrow
sure of my life and my death
so i observe the ambitious and would like to understand them
their days seem greedy with busy and nights filled with rage and steel
they speak of humanity but are to busy consuming to see it
my humanity is in feeling we are all voices of the same poverty
time is now living me and in that depth it seems impoverished
more silent than my shadow i walk amongst the multitudes
i am everyone, no one and someone
and perhaps if i can slow time down
i walk slowly, like one who comes from so far away and never expects to arrive