Trying again... second attempt at MWO program and really worried?!

[pinkmilk]

Hi all,
I've been here before. Almost a year ago. Started the program, CDs and supplements and Topa and did really well. Was fine for about 6 months with moderate drinking. And then started very quickly slipping again and now..... 2 bottles of wine a night, friday nights some vodka too.
I got some new CDs for good measure and did download them already onto the ipod. And I ordered the supps again. So far so good. But I am almost through my second bottle of wine tonight and how on earth can I not drink tomorrow, when I start thinking alcohol almost the moment I wake up???
I really don't want to drink like this every day, but I am so worried that I just can't do without!:upset: I know it's bad for me, but I so like drinking every night! What can I do instead????? I have three kids and you would think they keep me busy, but I always feel I am actually a better mum with some wine in me, which gives me so much more patience especially at bedtime. And throughout the day I can at least look forward to my wine in the evening. I do know this is crap! But I didn't manage to change for good last time and I am worried I am only going through the motions again and will not be able to moderate for good again. Maybe I am too far down and because I am an alcoholic should try to go completely AF. But that is a very very frightening thought.
Also know, that there is a party next friday and I always overindulge on weekends. Am I a lost cause?
Good Night, Pink

[gabby1go]

Trying again... second attempt at MWO program and really worried?!

Pink,

Don't give up hope. You aren't a lost cause. I'm sure most of us have felt that way at one time or another. I know I have. I LOVE to drink and by the same token, I HATE to drink because I usually drink too much. I am on day 18 AF, my husband is out of town for the night, and the wine is calling my name. I can't and won't give in because I am bound and determined to make it at least 30 days. It isn't easy. You did it before and you can do it again. If you had success moderating try and figure out the triggers that make you want to drink more. If you can control those, you may have success in the future. Perhaps you should try 30 days AF and decide after that if you can moderate or not. I am going to try and moderate but don't know if I can. I, like you, hate the thought of never being able to drink again but I know I have to face facts. Try and keep a positive attitude. Find some type of hobby/activity to keep you busy. I have found that focusing on the holidays and doing many delayed projects around the house have kept me occupied (and my mind off booze) most of the time. Keep in touch on the boards and don't let this get you down. You can do it, you know you can. All the best, Gabby.

[me145]

Trying again... second attempt at MWO program and really worried?!

Hey Pink. when you were good, how much were you drinking? i m just curious. Im struggling like yourself. Im taking a month off with antabuse right now ( hopefully a month-on day six) but anyway. when you were moderating, what supplements were you taking, how much, and what was ur drinking like? how often?

[meditation mama]

Trying again... second attempt at MWO program and really worried?!

Oh, Pink.. not a lost cause - no one is...

I tried last spring, did all the required reading, all the supps, really gave it a good go. I did stay AF for two weeks and then thought it was OK to moderate. My summer was a battle, nothing bad, just a continuious battle - every day. Should I drink, shouldn't I, then how much, then how much more can I have. Just exhausting. In the end it was just so much trouble and I was looking and feeling like shit. day after day - oh, the cycle. I also felt like it was easier for ME to deal with my family, but it was not easier for THEM to deal with me. I was being selfish. I could not be present when I had that much wine in me, it just wasn't possible - I was fooling myself. My daughter knew - they know. So, I have decided that I must not fight that battle, that the time I wasted fighting that battle, the time I spend drinking, thinking, avoiding, I just can't get that back. Nothing is more important than my daughter. She is 10, and I do not want her to grow up saying her Mom was an alcoholic. Luckily, I made the decision to do something about my drinking three years ago, so I have had 6 months here, and a month there, a few weeks here, and there without drinking (and now), so hopefully she will remember s sober Mom - that is my plan.

Anyway, life without alcohol is beautiful. Full of suprises, night-time activities, and many small wonderful gifts from children I think we otherwise would miss.

Good luck with your decision. It was really helpful for me to talk it out here - and I did.. all the ups and downs..

Namaste,

MM

[Chief]

Trying again... second attempt at MWO program and really worried?!

Hi Pink, You're not a lost cause at all. I failed my first attempt at MWO also. I made it 21 days AF and then thought I could mod. That ended up being a 3 month binge.
Then I came back to MWO and did some serious soul searching and reading posts and decided to give it another shot. I did the program by the book, taking the vitamins, supps, kudzu, l-glut, and listening to the cd's. It wasn't easy but I was determined not to drink. I made a vow to myself. The great people here helped get me through the first few days and I have made some great friends. I was a heavy drinker for 30 years and when I quit I was drinking 15 beers a day.
Today is Day 93 AF. If I can do it, so can you. I think you need to make a committment to go 30 days AF and then decide what you want to do. You need at least 30 days to cleanse your body and mind of the effects of drinking.
We can help you do this. We can't do it for you, but we can sure be there with you and lend you a hand when you need it.
It doesn't sound like you are very happy where you are right now...

Don

[KateH1]

Trying again... second attempt at MWO program and really worried?!

Hi Pink,
I remember chatting with you a while back. You are such a delight. No, not a lost cause, not at all. I think one of the worst things about this disease is the "Mind Tricks!". Boy my mind can be extremely tricky!! It is scarry to think that we can never drink again, but that is exactly why we need to take it "one day at a time". Somehow, that is easier for me to palate....than the "rest of my life" thing....I am still working on this thing too.

What ever we can do to help......just give us a shout out!!

Here's Big Hug...to get you going!
KateH

[pinkmilk]

Trying again... second attempt at MWO program and really worried?!

Thanks so much for your posts. :thanks:
You have me in tears right now. It's great to see where you guys are at the moment and I wish every one of you the best of luck for what you seek.
Just so confused right now. I will try tomorrow, but I am scared shitless of that first day again.
To me145: when I was moderating I was drinking about 1/2 to 1 bottle of wine a week. Don't know how I did that! At the moment knocking back 1/2 bottle easily in 1/2 hour... I was on all the supps recommended by MWO (bought from the online shop) and Topamax (bought from www.aclepsa.com). I think I took about 200mg a day, maybe I try a bit more this time round.
And meditation mama: I have three kids. None of them have said anything about me drinking too much yet. But my 12year old is a smart cookie and he can probably see.. just like you, I do not want my kids to see me drinking every night! So far all they know is that wine is for grown ups, but when will they start thinking, why is mummy drinking every night?!
I like to drink and I drink to excess.... :0(
I went out with a close friend the other day and I told him about my second attempt, he was so cute. His exact words were: "Bingeing is a good thing... in moderation!"
That really made me laugh. Because somehow that's what I still believe: It's great to let your hair down and go for it..... just not every day!!!! I wish I could do this once or twice a month and I would be a happy bunny.
Good Night all. Wish me luck. I will keep you posted about my first day tomorrow.
Lol:h

[chrysa]

Trying again... second attempt at MWO program and really worried?!

pinkmilk..there is no judgement here..so you have nothing to fear....make note to remember that

[pinkmilk]

Trying again... second attempt at MWO program and really worried?!

Okay, this is it... finished a second bottle of wine. Finally going to bed now. Phew.... no idea what tomorrow will hold. Tearful, but also a little hopeful. If this doesn't work, I don't know what I'll do.
Thanks for the support.
Lol, Pink

[Chief]

Trying again... second attempt at MWO program and really worried?!

Pink, When you read this in the morning just make a promise to not drink today...just today. Don't overthink it. It's just one freakin' day. Get on here fifty times today if it keeps you from drinking. Imagine going to bed and waking up with no hangover, no guilt. You can do this...

Don

[magic]

Trying again... second attempt at MWO program and really worried?!

Hey Pink!

Oh it seems like such a long, long road right now......and it is.

But you can do it if you want. Life with out alcohol seems daunting to you at this moment in time, Chief and I and MM and many others are here to tell you an AF life is grand!

You have to live it for yourself to believe it!

I now 'reward' myself with chocolate (the good stuff) or a good cup of coffee or a nap!

I would focus on a long stretch of AF days for now and leave thoughts about moderation for the future.

Here's a kiss, to go with your hug from Kate X,

Remember, there are a lot of us and we're with you all the way!

magic xx ( ! remember 'pink milk!')

[pinkmilk]

Trying again... second attempt at MWO program and really worried?!

Thanks for hugs and kisses
I did get through yesterday night. Had some dreadful news yesterday.... and my thoughts immediately went to wine. What a day to chose to start this programme again. Badly picked! But anyway, I went and had a piece of cake instead.
Still frustrated today, but not about not drinking. The other issue..... :upset:
So all in all it's not bad I guess. It's my second night tonight. I listened to some hypno CD earlier, the excercise one today for what it's worth :H and I'm going to shop for some tonic water and an interesting juice now.
Thanks again for your nice posts. Lol everyone!:h

[magic]

Trying again... second attempt at MWO program and really worried?!

Cake is a much better choice!!!!!!!!!

There's never a "good" day to start, and there will always be crappy news..but i'm still really sorry you had some. xx

if you're a coffee drinker look for some good coffee too!

I'm proud of you pink! Keep on!

m. xx

[IrishGirl]

Trying again... second attempt at MWO program and really worried?!

Bingeing in moderation

Pink - I loved that! I too hope that is possible - to be a non-drinker, moderate drinker 99% of the time, but sometimes (never alone!) to just drink a bit too much and have fun with friends.

The long-timers on here probably know it's impossible, but I'm new and still hopeful.

[pinkmilk]

Trying again... second attempt at MWO program and really worried?!

Hiya Irish Girl!
I know! But I suppose the idea is that alcohol just really doesn't do it for you any more and that two or three glasses are as good as two bottles. Well, I'm still waiting for that to happen
Anyhow, just thought I do a quick update, since I started this thread and had so many nice positive replies. Last week, first week I made it four days AF. On friday, I knew I was going to break it, as I was going to this murder mystery dinner party. Great fun. And even better, I just didn't drink as much as I usually would have and even had a whole long spell where I drank just water and a whole can of diet coke (usually hate the stuff, but at that point didn't want wine either). Drank a little more later and that was that. Maybe the hypno CDs? Must listen some more, been quite slack with them, as with the supplements. I'm sure they do me good, but it's quite a commitment to take all these pills!
Anyway, I drank quite moderately (for me!) on saturday and even less on sunday (really just the left overs...) and then started fresh on monday. Day 3 again now and doing okay, even though today, I know if I just had one glass I wouldn't stop. Really must take those pills!!:H
Still, quite pleased with the way things are at the moment. Planning on doing a lot more hypno and seeing if I can get it down to two days of drinking a week. My absolute dream would be to have wine in the fridge and totally forget about it. But that may never happen.
Thanks again for all the lovely messages I have received! Keep them coming!!!!
Lol, Pink:h