Hundi help

[Hundi]

Guys, I rarely do the self disclosure thing due to stubborn pride (misplaced and stupid and not even pride - probably cowardess). My husband of almost 7 years wants a divorce, due to my depression and inability to quit the sauce and fickle attempts at such. I have a young son whom I love to pieces and I love my husband dearly too. I seem to fix everyone else but not myself..... I know the advice is obvious but I need some info/help from anyone as to how I can salvage this. I am crying myself silly right now. Maybe a stint in hospital - how can prove that I mean that I don't want any of this bad shit either, esp my behaviour. I have major depression (accerbated by booze, no doubt) I need words to express to him, I am hopeless at opening up.

Any ideas, anyone poems etc.... What has worked for anyone, both quiting, detoxing and regaining respect etc??? I am desparate please....

Love Hundi

[Victory]

Hundi help

Chin up we can make it

Hello Hundi, not qualified to advise as am on day 2 again!!! Wish I had a magic wand to help you and all of us struggling with this Sh*t.. Clearly hubby does not realise the extent of your battle, lucky him... as he doesn?t know how hard it is. Sad for you. Not sure what to say other than; try, try, try again. The Booze was my best friend and turned out to be the worst foe. Still struggling but refuse to give in, can we do this together???? Love this site as we are all struggling with the battle of the bottle. Read the long-term abstainers they really give me hope.
Cheers
Victory
:baaah:

[KatieSmiles]

Hundi help

Hundi dear
Take a deep breath. I am in no position to advise but I think you should be honest with your husband and ask him for his full support. Things left unsaid are not the answer.

Big big hugs!
I've missed you!
K

[CaptJBean]

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Men are twice as likely to leave their spouse that drinks than a woman is to her spouse that drinks. That is at least the statistics I read one time.
I also read where, some spouses felt that the drinking spouse was drunk all the time they had left the marriage already. And the sober spouse felt very alone.
The only other thing I can tell you is, you have to want to do this for you. ... maybe doing this for him and your son might be motivating for a while, if he's supportive and you get help. But, ultimately this has to be you doing it for you. One Day At A Time

[fickle]

Hundi help

Hundi Hon,
Can you get some supps.. I really believe the Amino Acids and the other one.. SAMs help a lot with depression.. The main reason i drank was depression so can relate.
I could not cope whatever until i started taking RJ's advice and read her book about nutrition.. and started taking the supps. I suddenly started feeling human again.. my brain reacted so quickly to getting what it needed the depressing lifted like a miracle! Also there is heaps of stuff you can listen to to improve your self esteem. I can suggest some things if you like to help change your inner dialogue which is probably very negative at this vital time.
And what have you got to lose by confessing to your husband that you are really trying hard and seeking and getting support here? Can you involve him and tell him how much you want to save your marriage?? Maybe he will not feel so lonely if you involve him and ask for his support? I know that when i was younger my partner smoked dope. I felt so lonely I started drinking.. i guess CaptJB is right about that part.. perhaps DO be brave and talk to your hubby.. have a look at the supps and keep posting. We are here for you!!
Lots of love & hugs
Suse

[AMELIA]

Hundi help

Hi Hundi,
Are you able to get some meds for the depression?
Also you and your husband could benefit from some couple counselling at an alcohol treatment centre. Here in the UK there are government schemes that are free of charge - perhaps looking into and getting help that way would show your husband how serious you are.
Thinking of you.xxx

[Bella]

Hundi help

Hi Hundi. Maybe you could..I know it sounds corney but , could you write your husband a letter explaining things to him? If he knows exactly how you feel, he might be able to understand better. Just a thought. If you love him so much, you must try everything in your powers to turn this around, even if it means swallowing your pride for a minute. I think it would be a very courageous thing to do. Hope you are okay. Love, Bella xxx

[lucky 2.0]

Hundi help

Hi Hundi,

Good to see you and so sorry to hear of the struggles. I do not have any magic words of wisdom but wanted to express my love and support to you.

xoxo

[Doggygirl]

Hundi help

Hi Hundi. I'm sorry to read about your family difficulties. Booze is such bad news in all aspects of our lives. I agree with those who have said you must want to kick the habit for YOU first and foremost. Even then, it's a tough road as we all know.

Since you mentioned the possibility of hospitalization (re-hab?), you might want to reach out to db2fromala (Cindi). She recently went to rehab and has shared lots about her experiences here at MWO, in case you haven't seen her posts about it. Are you in the US? If so, she might have some good information for you.

If you haven't seen this post, I think it's a very sobering read. https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...hab-16415.html

Best wishes to you!

DG

[Chief]

Hundi help

Hi Hundi, I'm so sorry to hear this. I don't think there is any magic answer. No quick fix. It seems to me you are at a very important point in your life. If you want to save your marriage, you have to open up to your husband. I would think you would be willing to do whatever it takes to get well. And notice I didn't say fix this problem, I said get well.
You know alcohol and depression go hand in hand. You have to quit drinking. Period. If you feel you're not capable of doing it with the help of MWO, then you must get the help you need elsewhere.
Talk to your husband and really lay it on the line and tell him you're ready to tackle this. See your doctor and explain what's going on. Does your husband know about MWO? Show him this site and let him see the support you have here.
We're all here for you. Please let us know how you're doing...

Don

[charlee]

Hundi help

Hundi
I did the inpatient, the outpatient, the detox, the counseling..these are all options and can work if you are doing them for the right reason. It wasn't until "I" had enough till things started to fall into place. "I seem to fix everyone else but not myself"....so many of us fit into that category. This time around I made up my mind that working on my sobriety was to come first, and the proof would be in the pudding. I am sure it will take a while to gain the trust of my husband back, I still get the "have you been drinking" looks and the occasional stares. I am ok with that (never used to be..got defiant), because I know, by taking it ODAT I am becoming the person I want to be...no magic pill, it is a process. I am much stronger today, and everyone, myself, my family, my job are all reaping the benefits....You just have to make the choice to start.... by choosing not to drink today.

[cke123]

Hundi help

Hundi-

I can understand what you are going though. I went through it yesturday. My boyfriend has had enough and wanted to break up with me. I got upset and grovelled, but at the end of it< i told myself that me crying and begging wouldnt prove my resolve, so I gave up and came into our room and got online, and left him alone. The point is that nothing that we say is going to help..maybe at that exact moment, but what have we gained? A temporary pardon, thats what. THen when things get better we think that we can go have a "drink"

Im rambling, sorry-I think that you should just keep your chin up and let your actions speak for themselves.

We're here for you!

E

[lushy]

Hundi help

Hundi, I am sorry you are going through such a tough time. Maybe because of the depression and drinking you have been distancing yourself from your husband without really realizing it? Maybe a really good heart to heart with him and being real honest could help him understand things better. I hope it all works out.

[MyOwnWoman]

Hundi help

Hundi, you probably know this but it may help to remember. People who don't have addiction issues don't truly understand the grip it has on us. Your husband might not understand how hard it is to quit, and therefore think you are choosing drink over your marriage. We here know that isn't true, but does he? Maybe if you can offer him information about alcohol addiction he can be more supportive, which can help you to heal. Trying to quit due to a 'threat' of losing the relationship isn't the best of motivators, I think. (I was engaged a few years ago and got dumped because of my drinking. I might have been able to quit before it ended if I hadn't been made to feel like a self-indulgent loser.)

And I echo others - Do it for yourself.

[Cinders]

Hundi help

Hundi,

I know it sounds trite and everyone has echoed it but there is no way you are going to quit drinking for another human being.

As a matter of fact, before I went into rehab, while I was in rehab, and after I came out of rehab, I told my husband there is no way I could promise I would never drink or be drunk again. Boy, do I wish I could. I wish with every part of my heart and soul that I could, but I can't.

I can promise myself that I will not drink today. Just today. (Shoot, sometimes I promise myself I won't drink for a couple hours - thank heavens the desire goes away by then!!) and I told him the same thing, I can promise him today I won't drink.

Luckily, my hubby understands what I am dealing with. Will he stay with me if I relapse? I don't know. Would I have quit for him. No. It just doesn't work that way. It is flat out too hard to do for anyone else, even your children. You have to want it with everything you are worth for yourself. Trust me, I love my husband and my children as much as humanly possible but until I was ready to really try to quit, it simply was not possible.

As far as being depressed. My shrink in rehab asked me about anti-anxiety or anti-depression meds. I told him that since I have been drinking for about 35 years, I am not sure if my anxiety and depressive states are driven by alcohol or a natural state of being for me. I want to be sober for at least 90 days before I address that. If, after 90 days, I find I am still suffering depression or anxiety, I will go to a doc for help. If not, it was the alcohol.

My heart goes out to you. I know you are in pain and confused. Be honest with yourself and with your husband. Whether this is a disease/mental illness/allergy whatever, it is a very real issue and cannot be treated like you could just wish it away and make it all better.

Best wishes and prayers for you,
Cindi