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[notevergivingup]

I was just wondering if anybody else has the fear of letting friends and family know you are trying to quit? I know in the past I have tried to tell a few people, but then I fail and feel terrible. So now I just say I am giving my body a break (hopefully forever).

:thanks: Twosox

[shelbysmiles]

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twosox,
I have a great fear of telling friends and family. The main reason is that they are not aware of how out of control my drinking is. I live across the country from all my family and friends so it has been easy to keep it a secret. My husband is the one person who knows the extent of my drinking. He knows that I am cutting back and supports me 100%

Good for you for making a change. After you get a several AF days behind you , you may feel more comfotable sharing with a few people. Until then, you have us!

Olivia

[Finding Me]

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Twosox,

"Giving your body a break!" I like that. That is good to tell everyone! It is a personal thing, so what ever you are comfortable with and want to tell. I just talk with my hubby and kids about it (they are 15 and 12...more so the 15 year old) and that is it. I figure it is know one else's business.

Have a great AF Day!

[ratana]

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Yes, I am very unwilling to say something, even to my husband, because I have failed in the past and then feel like a loser and also get paranoid like everyone is watching me. And I am just working on mods, not AF. Plus some people are not really supportive, either they really don't get it or they are happy to try to sabotage progress: "Oh, just have one. Oh, you don't have to work out today. Meet me at five for one cocktail." Yeah, right. I think your "body a break" plan is a good one. I am training for a half-marathon in February and am using that as an explanation.

[ratana]

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Oh, and I also have found in the past when I have tried to quit or cut back, people immediately start talking about AA and what meeting am I going to, and how is my step work going, and powerlessness and higher power and all that, which is just not for me. Our culture is so 12-step focused that when I have tried to explain that other things work, too, no one takes me seriously.

Funny, because I know many people who have quit and been sober for years without AA, but for some reason they are treated as an anomaly.

[cke123]

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Hi twosox

I try not to tell people cause then if I slip up, theres that many more people to remind me. Also, its none of their business. Also, I guarantee if you have a drink a day later they will be there staring at you like you grew antlers.

No, best to keep it to yourself and those you trust the most.
E

[notevergivingup]

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I thank you all so very much for the support, yeah I think I will stick to saying I'm giving my body a break. You are all right it really is none of their business - thanks. I really needed to hear all your feedback, it means a lot. I rely on this site to get me through each day, couldn't do it without all of you.

Twosox

[iluvdesert]

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I have to disagree with everyone else. I have told everybody that will listen so that way I won't be so tempted to give in. I have done great so far (4 /12 weeeks) and gotten so much support. It feels amazing when people say..."well...good for you. I'm so proud of you!" For me, that's all I need to keep me going. If I hadn't told any family or friends about my new journey I'm afraid I'd already be back to drinking. So.........for once my big mouth has done (or said) the right thing.

[Suki411]

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twosox28. Won't bore you with what I've gone through, but told my boss about going 7days AF due to MRO. Called me a liar.

Spent a horrible weekend. Went into work so hung over on monday, he sent me home told me to take monday and tuesday off. Felt like absolute s@#t for letting my boss, his boss, my co-workers down. I asked my boss's boss if I could speak with him today. Told him what I have gone through the last 2 years (and the last 27 years). The conversation was unbelivable. Said that as much as he valued me a a great worker, he valued me as a person more.

My boss has been working on getting counseling that I don't have to pay for, getting off to deal with the stress and the paperwork. And getting paid.

I am blessed that I found MWO, I am blessed that I have the support at work and my best friend. BUT I WILL NOT DISCUSS THIS WITH MY PERFECT, JUDGEMENTAL, NON=DRINKING SISTER OR MY BRO WHO SEXUALLY ABUSED ME AS A CHILD. THEY DON'T NEED THE AMMUNITION.

You just have to know who you can trust.

I did not drink today, I will not drink tomorrow. My new flannel sheets and down comforter are calling me!

[Guest]

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I am slightly different, told no one but VERY close family and 1 friend until this week and I am 7.5 months sobber, with one slip. I felt I needed to tell everyone now. It was time to stop hiding behind the alcohol, but everyone is different. I WANT them to look at me like I have HORNS if I drink, because I know I can't drink and shouldn't drink, so if everyone I love knows too, it makes it easier for me not to slip and they won't be trying to give me drinks!!!!

[notevergivingup]

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Goodmorning everyone, I think after I get over that hump of feeling somewhat secure without the alcohol, I will let a few people know I am trying to bury the booze for good, but only if they ask why I'm not drinking! Otherwise I will keep it to myself and all of you . Today will be day 7af for me, however, I'm not getting to overly confident about it, because I know at any moment the desire can reappear. I'm not letting my guard down this time. Keep reminding myself how wonderful it is to wake up guilt free. I do get the urge now and again when the stress piles up, but just keep reminding myself that it might help for the moment, but it is really going stink tomorow when once again I would wake up feeling like crap, because I gave in. Hope everyone has a FANTASTIC AF DAY!!!

:thanks: Twosox

[skempy]

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Gotta say, I talk to more and more folks who are going mods or AF for all kinds of different reasons. As I get older, I seem to encounter people who want to change their habits. I never ask or pry as to why but I'm pretty sure that if I said I wanted to "cleanse my system" or something to that effect, it would be totally acceptable. Seems as if lots of people are doing the same lately, if even temporarily, as we age - it's just accepted!

[Chief]

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Whenever I'm in a situation where I normally would have been drinking, I tell people I quit drinking. I usually say something like, " no thanks, I used to love to drink, but my body decided it's too old for that now..." Usually gets a chuckle and you'd be surprised how many people say " yea, I know what you mean, I should do that too.." and that's the end of it. People don't care whether we are drinking as much as we think they do.

As far as family and friends, I told them as soon as I DECIDED to quit. I didn't make a big deal out of it but I wanted to go on record so I would be accountable.

I think if you are reluctant to tell people, it's really The Beast in you saying.." don't TELL people, you never know, you MIGHT change your mind and decide to drink again..."

How convenient for The Beast to always have that in his back pocket...

Don

[cuckoosnest83]

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twoso, I agree with suki411. I think it depends on who you feel you can trust and who know will be supportive. My best friend knows and the people on this site. There are those family members and friends (if you can call them that) who delight in someone's failure because it makes them feel better about themselves. Speaking for myself, I feel vulnerable enough trying to stop drinking that I don't need the added stress of people anticipating me failing. Of course, I am coming at this from my own experience and others may have totally different experiences. Good luck whatever you decide.

[Accountable for Me]

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So many people don't drink because it is unhealthy and they don't even have a problem with it. Any healthy behaviour will not be used against you ;-)