The AF and the non AF part of my character

[Bessie]

I read on here sometime today (but can't find it again) about there being two people inside you the person you are when you drink and the person you are when sober .

For me they are:

sober
slightly boring, very organised, efficient, hard working, readily available sense of humour, involved, strong, comfortable, able to deal with stress, able to relax (sometimes!), explorative, able to enjoy my sobriety, healthy, interested in eating well, taking time to work hard for all my animals and friends, happy, early riser, early to bed, able to cope on my own.

drinking
hopeless, inefficient, lazy, poor with animal care (never bad but just not as good as I know I should be) stressy, under achieving, depressed, late to bed, late to get up, eat crap, no self belief, pathetic at being alone

I hate this second person. Who the f**k is she? She's hopeless. And what is she doing in MY life.

Tonight I am that second person. And it doesn't feel good. I know how good I feel AF - I just have to convince some part of my brain to keep me as person no. 1 rather than let person no 2 come along and open the bottle.

Sorry, I don't normally post when pissed and pissed off but tonight I am both and posting.

Happy new year. I hope it will be for all of you.

Bessie. x

[Eastender]

The AF and the non AF part of my character

Hi Bessie,
I too have another person inside of me that fights to get out with alcohol as the key. Unfortunatley she seems to be stronger than me at times. I will try to keep her locked up more for the new year because that is the only way I will get a Happy one.
I agree that being AF feels a lot better, I don't think that I can ever be free of the alto ego but to teach myself how to control her, I am still at that learning stage!
Try not to beat yourself up too much you are only hurting the one that you like and prefer to be.

Eastx

[betty boop]

The AF and the non AF part of my character

Hi Bessie,

Concentrate on the person that you like being best, read this again before drinking anymore ........

Hugs to you hon, BB xx

[Bessie]

The AF and the non AF part of my character

Thank you BB and Eastender. It's such a horrible thing to be someone else other than what you want to be and to see others around you seemingly not have any problems with their drinking. The non AF me is just such a wasted life and the AF me makes me proud and happy - so really there should be no choice. Except Al comes in and makes you think drinking is acceptable, do-able and controllable. And it's not.

Cooking fish fingers now to make sure I get something sensible to eat - and this is from a woman who rears her own meat, has chickens for eggs, grows her own veg, buys local produce etc!! Sorry to be on a bit of a downer.

Bessie x

[MyOwnWoman]

The AF and the non AF part of my character

I had posted recently about those two 'selves'. Our charge is to KNOW with all our being that the non-drinker within us is STRONGER than the alcoholic self. But the drinker self makes more noise in our heads, is like a spoiled bratty child demanding that she is the one ruling the temple, throwing tantrums when we don't feed her and gives us some peace when we do, like giving a baby a pacifier. She is really just a spoiled brat. But she is NOT the stronger self.

Let's tell ourselves over and over and over and over again that our truest strongest self is the non-drinker, the one who will no longer appease that nasty brat, who has had quite enough of living in the shadows and is now rising up to meet the challenge of LIFE with passion and conviction and faith and love.

[Eastender]

The AF and the non AF part of my character

Enjoy your supper , Don't apoligise for venting it does us good and makes us appreciate the good times more! Take care Eastx

[Bessie]

The AF and the non AF part of my character

Thank you My Own Woman - I knew I had seen it somewhere!

You're right about the drinking brat! She yells and shouts and drowns out the AF good girl. She says - "reward me, I have to work hard and take responsibility", and "don't I deserve a treat?" and "really I don't want to be working/thinking/organising/be challenged - I want to be lazy and relax (ie out of it)" and "all these others can enjoy a drink, surely I can too"

She is seriously screwed by AL.

I LOVE my non drinking self - it goes to bed early after a lovely bath, quietly smug at being sober, reads good books before sleeping well, rises early in the morning after waking with a clear head and is in charge of everything in her life (as much as anyone can be!). Why do I give in to the brat? Who stinks in the morning, looks older than her years, wastes her life and causes me such pain?

Only I know that. And I've found here which means I will have the support I need to sort out these two, totally disparate parts of me.

The fish fingers were yummy thanks EE - with Lidl coleslaw....... Not my normal supper but Al dictates what I eat too.

Bessie - sad but will be hopeful. x

[satori]

The AF and the non AF part of my character

Bessie,

The brat gets weaker and weaker, smaller and smaller and less and less noisy if you don't feed her!

Just tough out these AF days and eventually she becomes a tiny little insignificant gnat.

Any time she appears, you can just swat her out of the way almost without thinking.

You already said it all - the AF you is AWESOME - The AF you is actually LIVING life - SEEING life in all its wonder - instead of having that life pass you by.

The drinking you (and me, and all of the rest of us!) on the other hand...........

Keep at it Bessie!


Love :l

satori

xxx

[Last Of The Summer Wine]

The AF and the non AF part of my character

Bessie and all - my alter ego is the bitch from hell and she has said and done things which make me so sad, ashamed and sorry, but this New Year she's NOT invited to the party! I am starting my 2008 AF and my goal is to continue with that for as long as I can, I hope it will be forever, because I have tried to moderate and failed miserably. Recently I have managed to keep madam bitch under control whilst still downing bottle after bottle of wine. However, Bessie this bit of your post is what really hit home today:-

Why do I give in to the brat? Who stinks in the morning, looks older than her years, wastes her life and causes me such pain?

I've said this so many times before and I've been off and on these boards for what seems like forever, but I promise myself today that I am sticking with it this time. Sorry for hijacking the thread Bessie, but your words have really hit me this time:upset: Enough is enough! Silly cow, can hardly see the keys for blubbing
Anyway thanks guys and here's to a better New Year for us all:l

[Bessie]

The AF and the non AF part of my character

"but this New Year she's NOT invited to the party!"

Hey, she's not invited to mine either. It has really helped me to see my drinking alter ego as a spoilt brat. And to see Al as her acquaintance who is a really bad influence on her and not to be invited anywhere, ever.

Some sound, as ever, advice from Satori about just not feeding the brat and she should just get less of an influence.

You can do it, LOTSW. You really want to.

2008 WILL BE THE YEAR I TAKE AF SERIOUSLY AND SUCCESSFULLY. And you can remind me of that commitment any time you like!!

Bessie xx :l :l

[Last Of The Summer Wine]

The AF and the non AF part of my character

Thank you Bessie, you have no idea how much you have helped me today, I just popped in here as usual for a quick look and have ended up with a lot to think about, this is no longer a game, this is really happening to me. I am going off now to do something positive and even though it's New Years Eve, I promise PROMISE myself I will see midnight clear headed and sober - it's a start, eh?
Thanks again.

[Bessie]

The AF and the non AF part of my character

You're very welcome. I set out to seek help for myself so I am only too pleased to inadvertently helped someone else. I'll be keeping an eye out for you now! I feel responsible!

Bessie xx

[slightlysuze]

The AF and the non AF part of my character

What an excellent thread, Bessie!

I think about this sort of thing a lot....the two versions of me. I do have a slightly different take on it though.....I don't hate that other part, I feel sorry for her. She is actually the hurt, angry, helpless part of me...and I need to take care of her, integrate her into my whole self and try to heal her. I like what Satori said about not feeding this part of yourself.....food (ie booze or drugs or whatever) only bloats her and encourages all her negative stuff....I think what she needs is kind, firm love. It's ok to be angry, to feel helpless, to be hurt....that's life....but medicating it with booze is not on. For her sake and for mine.

Just my tuppence worth!



Suze x

[Bessie]

The AF and the non AF part of my character

Slightlysuze - that's worth a lot more than tuppence!

I think that is a healthier approach to the 'other' person. The bit about not medicating with alcohol is a real truth. I can move forward with that view of my alcoholic self - poor thing. She really is in a mess and I need to coax her along until she feels better and stops crying out for attention.

Bessie x

[KateH1]

The AF and the non AF part of my character

Bessie, love your thread! I think you have struck a nerve with most of us......who is it that we want to show up today? I for sure know that it is sober Kate! slowly but surely Crazy, drunk Kate is fading off into the distance......I wish her a fond Good Bye!!

Satori, so glad you are back posting........I swear, your words always hit home and with such honestly and eloquence! I would love to gather up all your post's and put them in a book that I we could tuck in our pockets and pull out anytime!

Happy Safe, Sane and Sobe New Year, my friends!
KateH