So Low.....

[TakeHeart]

I've never been so down in my life...and I'm not sure if I can pull myself up. I went on an anti-depressent a few months back, but it doesn't seem to have helped at all.

My life is a mess. Financially I am in a state of ruin. I am in a business where I either make big money or no money and because of my out of control drinking and depression...you guessed it...I have been making no money. I can't seem to get out of bed or off the couch. For months I have been a lazy a##. Since last June to be exact. So I am not surprised I am in this position.

Last Friday afternnon, I had the opportunity to put together a deal which I desperately need, but chose to go to the liquor store and buy LOTS of wine with money I need for rent then go home and do NOTHING...and I do mean NOTHING...but sit on the couch and drink until this morning when my wine ran out. Well, I actually I did do something...I kept fantasizing about how I could kill myself. I mean what kind of person who really needs money chooses to go home and sit on her couch and drink?

I wish I could call my doc, but last month I cancelled my health insurance because I could not afford it.

I don't know how I got here. I used to be a really happy person. Somewhat of an annoying pollyanna at times. I don't know where that girl is. Even when i smile, I feel so sad.

Sorry for rambling...I just don't know what to do....I'm so tired of perservering...Thanks for listening...

[TakeHeart]

So Low.....

Crap. I can't believe I just posted that! Thank God this is annonymous....

[Accountable for Me]

So Low.....

I would suggest for you to phone your doctor too. I was in the same boat (depression-wise) a few months back.

Killing yourself is not the answer. Please don't even consider it. If you are feeling like you may hurt yourself call someone - or 911.

Depression combined with alcohol is horrid. Please get the help you need - OK? We are here for you.

[Thankful]

So Low.....

TakeHeart - many of us have been in your shoes. You are not alone! Especially not here. Please don't use the excuse that you have no insur so you can't call your dr. Anti-depressent medicine has to be monitored. Please call them, explain you have no insur, tell them how much you drank while taking the meds. My dad takes anti-depressents and he had to try a couple before one was right. The first one he tried, actually made him worse. He actually had to call my brother so he could remove "dangerous" objects from the house because he felt like hurting himself. We could not leave him by himself for over 2 weeks. This was all caused by the wrong med being prescribed.

Please let your dr know immediately how you feel. They may need to correct your dose or change it all together. This could be a simple call to a pharmacy and you won't be billed for a dr's visit.

Right now, you have to pick yourself up and pull it together. You have to get better before you can worry about making money right now. Is there any family member or friend you can call right now to stay with you?

Would you like to go to the Live Chat section, just to vent? I will join you. Please get help some how. Please.

We are here for you.

Love. Me
:l

[magic]

So Low.....

Hi Takeheart,

I'm glad you posted.

To answer your question regarding the kind of person who goes home and sits on her couch and drinks? One with an addiction. Like you and I.

I hate feeling as crappy as you say you are feeling, no energy, no gumption, no nothing.
When I feel that way all I want to do is sleep.

I don't know where you are but can you take yourself to a clinic to get another prescription for a different antidepressant? Can you increase the dose of the one you're on now, just a bit? I know you know that alcohol is a depressant and that a few AF days would help.

If you're still thinking about harming yourself there are some links here~

https://www.mywayout.org/community/f7...wal-13412.html

Please call one of these numbers or go to an emergency room. They are there to help you, in person.

Many of us here have felt us low as you do now, there is life beyond today I promise.
A good life, a grand life.

Keep close to us now and let us know how you're doing. We care.

magic xx

[TakeHeart]

So Low.....

Thanks Fat Cat, I can't call the doc because I cancelled my insurance last month.

How did you get out of the boat. Will it really get better? Because you are right about this being a horrid place.

[dexterhead]

So Low.....

Oh TakeHeart, I am so sorry you are so low. I KNOW everything seems insurmountable right now. But you've got to take baby steps. It doesn't matter if you have no insurance, nothing's more important than getting to a doc. I would definitely recommend a psychiatrist because they know so much more about brain chemistry, etc. I did that last year when I was feeling like I'd fallen down a deep hole. Please stay close ..:l :l :l

[dexterhead]

So Low.....

PS: a doctor's visit isn't all that much money, considering ... $80 maybe.?? please try sweetie!!!

[TakeHeart]

So Low.....

Thanks Magic and Thankful. Just got your posts. Can't stop crying. Thank you so much for your kind words. I will try to call my doc and explain my lack of insurance because something has to change. I feel like I'm going crazy.

[magic]

So Low.....

Yes, it will really get better!

Have you eaten? Are you drinking lots of water?

Call the doctor anyway and see what they say. Can't hurt to try.

There are folks in chat right now if you're up for a visit.

m. xxx :l

[nancy]

So Low.....

Hi there

Yes, you can say whatever you want because it is anonymous.

I think everyone has given you great advice here.

There may be a way around the lack of insurance. Maybe some kind of program for people who are not insured? Like when doctors donate their time? some areas have them.

Or if you have enough you could pay out of pocket. Start looking around.

Things may seem really bleak now. That's partly the alcohol because it physically makes you depressed, let alone what it does to you psychologically.

If you can, don't dwell on the things you haven't done, like with your business, as that will just make you more depressed. I agree that small steps are the way to go. Once you decide you want to get better and take positive steps, things will seem easier. So you messed up and drank instead of making money. That is the past now. What is in your future? Clear up the mess a little at a time.

A lot of people have turned their lives around on this site and maybe you will become one of them.

Hang out in chat when you get lonely!

Nancy

PS, about money, can you get some kind of mindless temp job temporarily?
having your own business is really stressful and can be overwhelming, much better to have something regular.

[SKendall]

So Low.....

Hi, please don't despair. A doctor's visit won't cost you nearly what your month health insurance was costing. Most docs work on a sliding scale and a non-insurance visit is usually cheaper.

Sorry about the deal you lost. You will be able to make more deals when you become healthy. There isn't anyone on this forum who can't relate. Don't live in your shame anymore. Upward - its a great place to be.

[WA]

So Low.....

some wise words from some wise people...listen to them...me im not so wise but can send love from my end to yours...
Jacqui xxx

[southernbelle47]

So Low.....

Dear Takeheart.....

You are not alone. Don't EVER think that you are. You also have reached out for help...what a gaint step that is.

:h Nancy "Belle'

[TakeHeart]

So Low.....

Hello All,

Thank you so much for your thoughts and advice. The link Magic gave was very helpful in just seeing that depression, as addiction, is very real and very much a disease. Only it's much more socially acceptable to tell people that you have cancer or such than you are a depressed alcoholic. LOL...hmmm...lol...

But, there is a man who lives in my building who is doing research on the brain and addiction. He gets paid big bucks at a major university to study this, so there has to be something to it...right?

And, from the link, I found a website that talked about how depression was really an illness, too.

I did call my doc. He is no longer with the group and they were very unhelpful w/o insurance.

And.........I did call a suicide hotline number last night. They were very helpful and gave me half a dozen numbers to call today for help.

I just can't say thank you enough. I am very prideful. My family is all on the other side of the country, I am not in a relationship, I have no kids, and I don't think my friends have any idea of the pain I am in.

However! I do feel better today than I did yesterday!!! I took 2 anti-depressant pills (only 75mgs each) and I am not coming off a weekend 24 hour binger....ughh...

Much love to you all and I hope to be there for you if you should ever need me....