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[Ripple]

Need Help

Noelle, I am so afraid to relapse. The thought of starting this all over again seems so difficult. Never do i want Rehab again, i think about (the hell i went through) when i have a momment. I understand your pain, keeping trying.

:l
Luv Ripple~

[Noelle]

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I think of relapse, providing it's a very short one, sort of like dieting and not following the diet for one day. An alcohol relapse is worse of course, but hopefully you get backk on the horse the next day. It's not the end of the world. Provided you unrelapse immediately. I don't, does that make any sense?

[Noelle]

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I just spent 1 1/2 hours talking to my daughter (18). I know she hates that I drink but the things she said tonight were just amazing. Where did this come from? I want to promise her that I won't ever drink again, but how can I? I don't even know myself. What to do? Help!

[Noelle]

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And why the heck am I still awake??? It's like I'm afraid to go to sleep. ???

(Tried to edit my previous post and am not sure what happened. I guess it will show up later.)

[Noelle]

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Maasia, I honestly thought I'd replied to you. ??? Thanks for your support is what I had said. How're you doing?

[Ripple]

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Noelle, how are ya? I have a few nights a week up ALL night....playing house. I find it normal to have nights wide awake, it gets better in time. Once the honeymoon of being sober goes away.

:l Ripple~

[Noelle]

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This is weird and stupid. I drink, then I drink 1/2 coffee to sort of sober up ( and caffiene is the devil to me), then I drink some more so I can go to sleep. I was up until 5:30 this morning. MONDAY! I'm stopping!!!!!!!!

[dexterhead]

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Hi Noelle: Yes MONDAY!! Hey, I hear you. I have been on MWO every day since November and still haven't managed to quit. I have been planning to quit for years. It's always something. It's ridiculous! Drinking isn't even fun anymore, it's just numbing. I am disgusted with myself and my life. I've done the caffeine plus alcohol thing. uggh.

Hey, my mom's family is from Pittsburgh, and we used to go out there every summer. I remember streetcars!!! We used to take streetcars to Kennywood? am I remembering this right? I haven't been to Pittsburgh actually since I was 16. My grandparents have been gone for quite a while. but my mom still has a teeny bit of a Pittsburgh accent. >

[Ripple]

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I am doing it......

I'm right here again for ya! This hole fucking sobriety thing, don't let it fool you...SUCKS! Look at it this way, WE have to be responsible for ourselves, i cannot pound that into my head enough times! You are posting, so you are aware, people are responding, so someone cares. There is help, its working for me even though it SUCKS. But ya know what, I will stay strong, my inner self is really a person of strength, that I am proud of.

Pm me anytime~
Luv Ripple~
:h

[Noelle]

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Dexter, we've only lived here for 11 years. If you weren't born here, the people can a bit standoffish. They don't know the wonderful personality I have and don't know what they are missing!!!! LOL

[Maddie]

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Noelle, I hope this helps

Noelle;263597 wrote: I can't tell you how many times I've quit drinking. Rehab three times. Etc., etc. etc.. I've been here before. Got the CDs but stopped with an excuse. I just ordered the Kudzu. I can't wait to drink, around 5pm. My daughter doesn't like what I do because she wants to unload her feelings to me and I don't remember them the next day. Like duh! What kind of asshole am I?

I've tried AA.........it's a cult to me, ick. Jeesh, I want to type a lot but I'm so freaked I don't even feel like it.

I know what I am but just don't want to stop, even though I KNOW I should. Duh.

Hopefully when the Kudzu arrives and I start to relistening to the CDs, things will be better. I feel like a loser, even though I know I'm not. It's just so much easier to just give up and drink. I have a lot of stresses at home, but I know they are just excuses. Three rehabs taught me that, but I still resist.

I've read all the positive remarks y'all say to others and I'm not even sure they would make me feel any different. What the hell is wrong with me???????????? Okay, don't answer that. I feel like I'm the round peg in the square hole.

Okay, enough for now, I could write a book............

Thanks for reading..........

Oh, BTW, I'm really good at helping others because of all of my experience in rehabs, but am unable to help myself. Whateverr...............

Sorry that I don't sound so urgent,,,,,,,,,,I'm 56 and have learned to control the emotions.

Noelle, one of the key's to freeing the body of the desire to drink is disengaging the links and triggers, the best way i know how to do this is via holelistic healing, see below copies of two of my earlier posts, they may help.

1 - it's been my experience that going to see a kinesiologist can really help balance the body to the side effects of medication. Kinesiology if your unfamiliar with the practice is defined as - a system of natural health care which combines muscle monitoring with the principles of Chinese medicine to assess energy and body function, applying a range of gentle yet powerful healing techniques to improve health, wellbeing and vitality.

It's very effective in both healing the body, including dealing with the cravings and desire for drinking. I've done the Kinesiology course only recently, i thought it would teach me to heal myself which it is - this is my experience - I started Topa 3 days ago, 25mg x 2 days and now 25mg this morning and again tonight. AF day one, drank day 2 not really because I felt like it but had a friend from interstate and it would have been strange not too as we normally do, not that I?m using that as an excuse, for a change we only had two glasses of wine. Today day 3, AF. I?m using kinesiology to balance my body to reduce the effects of the topa, so far so good, it's working.. It?s just a few simple 1-2 minute exercises repeated a few times during the day.. Any one can do it. I learnt it over a few weekends.. The course is called Touch for Health. I would be in a very different position without this tool. For people just looking for the benefits without the learning look up your local kinesiologist. As well as make you feel better, more balanced and yourself, they will help you get to the heart of why you drink in the first place.
PS - i will share something very personal with you, my mother was a drug addict for 7 years, Heroin. She tried to stop but will power and meds were not enough. It was through a combination of regular visits to a kinesiologist and medication that she gave it up, a two year process but now 10 years later she herself is a kinesiologiest and lives a completely different life.. she was 45 at the time and is now 55.

Sorry i can't find the second but i will give you a summary - an imbalance of blood sugar levels cause cravings which lead to an increased desire for drinking. By reducing sugars and carbs (breads, pastas etc) you avoid the blood sugar level ups and downs. My maintaining more balance the desire to drink is easier to control. This is information supplied by my doctor and it really works.

Thoughts are with you.

Maddie