Something is seriously fucked up---

[Suzanna]

Something is seriously fucked up---

Omigod Cindi, after a day like that you deserve to smile and laugh and be so friggin proud you are sober!!! They are lucky to have you on their team, no doubt about it, show up however you want to, cuz you are ready to rock and roll sober!!! :h Suz

[YoungAtHeart]

Something is seriously fucked up---

The moon is full tomorrow, and there will be a lunar eclipse as well. Things should get better, especially since Mercury is going back to forward motion now. If you are really in Scandinavia, beatle, no wonder you are down. But the days are getting longer every day, and it's just one month until the vernal equinox.

Also, sometimes we just get in really foul moods too. It happened to me before I was a problem drinker, and it happens now that I'm not.

I hope that everyone is feeling better soon.

Oh, and great job, Cindi!


:l :l

[beatle]

Something is seriously fucked up---

holy cow... you all have your problems (and you are managing so much better than I am). Whatever is going on with the moon and the.... oh whatever, it sure has messed me up. I have now decided I need to separate from my husband. I never could manage to think that thought because of the kids... my darlings (I'd never get them in a custody case-- drunk mom, no way!) But now I am ready to let them-- all of them, go. I just cannot be me. I am suffocating.

[Cinders]

Something is seriously fucked up---

Beatle,

Oh no. This worries me more than anything you have ever said and done on this site. I know you love your husband and children so much. I really do.

Suffocating? Because you feel it is they that are the reason you want to stop drinking, perhaps? and not you that wants to quit drinking?

Consider your motives, Beatle. I know you are an incredibly bright and intelligent woman. Don't do something undoable without truly considering what it will do.

Never take a life altering step when you are really depressed.

Anyway, lots of love and strength to you whatever you decide. I know you hate huggy things but here are lots of huggy things anyway!! :l :l :l :l

Love,
Cindi

[lukalee]

Something is seriously fucked up---

I agree with Cindi, don't make any drastic, life altering changes until you feel good. I know that is hard to say because you feel this will make you feel good, but be aware it might make it worse.
Can you simply take a "time-out" for a couple of weeks? Do you have friends or family you could stay with?

[beatle]

Something is seriously fucked up---

No, I just realised that my life (adult life) has been wound around my husband, and, after some years, my kids. My husband's life rules my life. I live in his country, he rules me, really. He has his friends, he has his life. I am a live-in babysitter who is always guilty because she drinks! I will not get out of this mess if I don't separate myself from him... and sadly, that means my kids (at least for a short while).

Yeh, and the drinking: I manage to be sober when he's gone, just not when he is home-- what does that say?

[betty boop]

Something is seriously fucked up---

Beatle, I am seriously worried about you, please don't make any rash decisions, I also know how much you love your children ....

Hang in there love, please ......

[YoungAtHeart]

Something is seriously fucked up---

Beatle, please give this a few days to think on this at least. Believe me, I know the value of getting out of a relationship that is not good for you, but it is good to really think it through. Take a break and consider this from all angles. Perhaps things can change with your hubby if he knows that you are considering such a big step.

[Noelle]

Something is seriously fucked up---

Beatle, don't leave. Wait until the eclispe is over. Hopefully things won't feel so desparate. :h

[beatle]

Something is seriously fucked up---

Ok, instead of doing something desparate, I chugged back a bunch of those little whiskey bottles you get on airlines (I HATE them, they taste like CRAP and burn your throat), and felt oh so much much better. hee hee... that lasted about an hour, and then, I fell asleep. Woke up feeling like-- well, no need to get into details. Now I've sobered up a bit and am trying to look at things more clearly. So I bought a one-way ticket to India. I hope you all agree this was the right thing to do. (When is this eclipse over?)

[Cinders]

Something is seriously fucked up---

Beatle,

India? You are escaping to India??

Geez, that would be at the top of MY list of places to escape to... NOT!!!

Take care, Beatle. All kidding aside.

I know the depths, as a matter of fact have just been down there and it was really dark. However, I came back. More of those huggy things you hate. :l :l

:H Okay, I am a little bit twisted, myself... but I truly do feel such a kinship with you and know how you feel. It is so hard being married, so hard being a mommy and so hard being a drinker. And damn, it is even hard being a person, sometimes. but when it is good, it is so amazingly good...

When your eyes look out sometimes and see such beauty in the landscape, or your child looks at you and says the most incredible things, or you are lying in bed and your husband reaches over and touches you just to touch you and be close. When your son smiles and enjoys that you screwed up and gave him a nose hair trimmer for Christmas, KNOWING what you meant to do without even having to ask. When the grandkids opt to come over and be with you instead of going to a movie with mom (boy was she miffed!!) and we had so much fun!! When your friends start pointing out that you are manic and just might be heading for danger!! When your friends start telling you it is time to get tough with yourself and get on with the business of getting on with it, only because they CARE enough to tell you that. When other friends remind you that you are not a failure just because you screw up because you are trying and trying and trying. Dear, dear friends, dear family, a beautiful world.

I know you are not spiritual, Beatle, but you don't have to be, the physical things that happen, the real, hard, physical things that happen to us are so wonderful, truly.

When life is good, it is amazingly good. I know this happens to you, too, Beatle. I know it, if you let these things count.

Love,
Cindi

Hey, I happen to you. :l

[Ripple]

Something is seriously fucked up---

beatle;274431 wrote: Is there something going on? It seems that there are a number of us having a BAD time now. I am one.

Yes there is something going on, what, I don't know yet. Although tonite is the moon thing..eclipse?

~Ripple~

[beatle]

Something is seriously fucked up---

thanks Cindi, you've always been there for me.
And yes, when life is good....yeh it can be good...
This is my world: I drink.
What is going on with that eclipse--?

[beatle]

Something is seriously fucked up---

p.s. yes, I am off to India in a few weeks. Ashram. I guess it's a kind of rehab?

[dexterhead]

Something is seriously fucked up---

Beatle, really going to India? I am sorry you are feeling so very low. I've lived abroad and felt trapped. It's scary. but more daylight is coming fast.!!!!i'm not very huggy,but here are some hugs anyway :l :l