HELP!!

[lukalee]

HELP!!

And I am glad you have been able to quit so easily Dolly. I guess for some it is harder than for others.

[Guest]

HELP!!

Come on Green put YOUR BIG GIRL PANTS ON...if they can't take a freaking joke, maybe they need to stay off YOUR thread....you don't have to read it or respond to it. We can't cry in the glass all the time, we'd be NUTS!!!! Whatever works for YOU to get YOU through today, that is what matters. AND GUESS WHAT, YOU DIDN'T GO GET THE VODKA TODAY.......Don't get offended by cyberspace insults.....

[meditation mama]

HELP!!

Green~

Here's what I see. I see that you are trying, trying hard, but maybe there is more that you can do - in fact if you are still drinking and you want to quit, then there is always more you can do. I read here that you knew you had alcohol in your office. Why would you have alcohol anywhere if you didn't intend to drink it sometime? I do not have alcohol anywhere. I can't. If I did in my early days I would drink it, it is that simple. I still don't have alcohol in my house. You thought about drinking and you had people here tell you to pour it out. You posted to Jacqui and felt bad about your signture, I saw it, I can see what you are saying. But instead of drinking, why didn't you just delete it. I think you may have been looking for a reason to drink today. That is what I read between the lines. I say these things because I have a mind similar to yours. I have done all the things you do. I tried to quit for many, many years.. made hundreds of attempts - planned, made excuses, etc., etc. But I finally had to just face the facts. If I wanted to quit, I had to quit! I am not intending to be harsh, just real.

I know what Kate and the others are saying, too. They want you to get tougher. They want you to get serious, not just talk about it. That is what it takes. It takes really tough action. That means moving, doing things like making sure you don't have any alcohol around, talking to your husband, to everyone and telling them you can't drink and asking for help. But the bottom line is, YOU need to do this. You hear frustration from people. It is tough love... We want you to win this, Green.

We want you to succeed. Really we do. That is why we are all posting. But, you have to expect that if you don't show that you are putting up all the effort you possibly can, you are going to get tough responses. We are all trying to beat this horrible disease any way we can. So please understand and keep trying. Never, ever, ever give up. If that is what you truly want. I am with you, sister. You can do this.. I have faith in you.

And Dex.. Please don't be mad... xoxoxo

Namaste,

MM

[greeneyes]

HELP!!

Well That was a tough read. However I understand your point MM. I have it around because the withdraw scares the shit out of me. It's not for entertainment. It's a weaning tool. I don't look for excuses. Or I try not to. But old habits are hard to break. I guess I'm just not as strong as others. But thats should not discredit my sincerity. Maybe I'll go ack to lurking for a while. Public hand slaps are a little uncomfortable.

[lukalee]

HELP!!

MM,
You always have words of wisdom. I don't think that there is a problem with tough love the way that you just did; it becomes a problem when people tell you that you are not taking it seriously or that they do not appreciate your personality.
I always try to learn from those who came before me. I read old posts from people that I admire and respect, because it gives me encouragement. I have not found one person where it was easy to give up AL. When I read old posts from you, Satori, Chief, Mary, and many others. I see how everyone of you struggled just like me, and it gives me hope that just because I am struggling now, does not mean I will be in this same spot forever.

[dexterhead]

HELP!!

thank you MM. that was a sweet, honest post. Honestly, I have dealt with psychological addiction -- my fear of facing an evening without my lover Al. But I haven't really dealt with getting physical symptoms if he isn't around. So I guess I can relate to someone's terror on that point, like Greenie's. So I don't know what the answer is.

and Luk , I love you!!
and yes, damniit , we're going to have conflicts here.

[Guest]

HELP!!

Greeneyes,
Let me tell you when I came here I drink sun up to sun down EVERYDAY! I was BARELY functioning......I stumbled around here for a month or two and then got serious. I had 7 AF months, I recently have had a rough time, but I WILL get my AF state back. I have been here for a year, each of us reaches their goal at their own pace and NOT everyone's goal is to be AF, MANY are successfully moderating. You are fairly new here, don't feel beaten up. Sometimes we forget how we stumbled before we stood tall. AND you damn well might stumble again, but you dust off and get back to YOUR goal....I don't KNOW YOU, no one here KNOWS YOU, only YOU KNOW YOU!! You have to take the good with the bad and let it roll. You did good today, YOU DIDN'T drink the vodka....you might not have been strong enough to pour it out, but you will get there. You didn't drink it....that is what counts for today. You take one minute at a time, then one hour at a time, then a day, then a week, etc....If anyone of us could just set it down, walk away, and never stumble, we wouldn't need MWO or each other. It is hard, blood curtling hard work. You can and will get there.....don't let anyone make you think you can't or won't!!!!!

[Ripple]

HELP!!

have to admit.

hey i got a little pissy the other day and had to put some ignore tools to use. This is a site that 'supports' alcohol withdrawl. and yes greenie you have the arrogance and ballsy behavior like i show at times, we cannot help it. okay, people don't get it. i admit, we like to have fun, thats the kind of people some of US are? can't f....ing help it. period, thank god thats GONE too. oh well, just trying to be part of it all.

~ripple~
:l

[dexterhead]

HELP!!

hi TKeene: I like your post, you are so right on so much. I talked of leaving MWO out of crazy emotion. But Greenie has posted that she's in trouble so I 'm not quite sure where the "big girl pants" thing goes into inappropriate humor. I don't know. I am very sad and confused at the moment. But I think everyone has to try to get a teeny bit of understanding of what I termed "gallows humor," whether it's your cup of tea or not. some people are going to use humor, inappropriate or not, when they are feeling truly scared to death. I know I would/will. that is simply the way my brain is wired. And if I do this, I will try not to post on the need help ASAP thread, although I might not remember.

[livingfree]

HELP!!

Sheding light on a tough subject

I'm borrowing this from a quit smoking web site that I log on to. I know it isn't exactly what your all talking about here, but I do believe it makes some excellent points and shed some light. Just substitute the word Alcohol when it says Nicotine.

"When one of our members relapses we truly do hope that they can get back up, bite their lip if necessary and get on with the rest of their lives. We caution all of our new members who continue to give 100% to be very careful in just how much comfort you give to those who have relapsed. Tough love is extremely tough to do as it requires each of us to think hard about what we're about to say, and how we'll encourage that member to regather their "desire" and fight on. What you'll often see happen is a well meaning newbie giving a relapsed member so many hugs, flowers and pats on the back that it makes other struggling members crave similar attention. Does it make any sense to pat someone on the back while they're in the process of jumping off a cliff, or to hand them a flower? What would make sense?

We are nicotine addicts - real live honest to goodness drug addicts! If we were all heroin addicts sticking needles into our arms, when one of our members relapsed and started again injecting heroin into their veins, would we pat them on the back and tell them that "it's ok", "don't worry about it," "it's just a little slip, nothing big," "you just keep slippin and we'll just keep huggin ya each time you come back," "hey, we all slip every once in a while, it's just part of life," "it's NO BIG DEAL! "

We're here to tell you that it is a BIG, BIG DEAL! Our addiction will end up killing some of us! Yes, statistically, half of all long term smokers will be killed by tobacco. HALF of us!! If the person who relapsed didn't learn ANYTHING from their relapse except that it brings a massive amount of comfort and hugs, THEN THAT PERSON IS DESTINED TO RELAPSE AGAIN, AND AGAIN AND AGAIN until they get tired of trying and throw in the towel. If we fail to learn from our mistakes, we are destined to repeat them. "

So there you have it. For me - No hugs when I fall - I want the "drag me out of the closet and kick my butt into never never land" because I never want to go through what I've just been through again and I am NOT joking. Until you've been scared to hell and back - maybe your not ready to give it up. I know I wasn't for 20 years, but I also know I wasn't hanging out on sites like this one toying with other people who were serious.
Liv

[satori]

HELP!!

HMM - some interesting stuff here,

People deal with this addiction in many different ways - I DO use humour, some don't. I guess we need to support everyone in their chioce of coping strategy.

I will do anything I can to help anyone who needs it. - But we DO have to do this for ourselves.

So here is Satori's version of tough love too:

Greeneyes - If you are really serious - alcohol as a "weaning" tool would only be needed for a couple of DAYS - just in case the physical withdrawals were horrendous.
If you last a couple of days without major physical problems - the rest of the Al should be disposed of.

Having it around for the emotional / mental aspects withdrawal is NOT a good idea - cos there are always emotional reasons!

It took me at least 30 days AF to be able to have alcohol around.

So - if the big girl pants help - get them on - and then go around the house / office / garage / garden / dog and dump ALL the alcohol. Don't even consider having any around until you have managed a lengthy stint AF - to the extent that you have definitely come to PREFER being AF to drinking.

Love :l

Satori

xxx

[tea]

HELP!!

We can as equal members I believe post where we feel most appropriate to post. Green hope you are feeling better now. You were responded to by so many because (1) you cried out for help, (2) you are so loved here. If this was an inappropriate posting then you would not have been responded to, and yes, that has happened in the past where a member has posted and just got no responses.... we respond because we WANT to, we don't because we DON't want to, which is what this site is all about. Drink the water girl, drink the water.

Lxx

[Dolly Sunshine]

HELP!!

lukalee33;279353 wrote: And I am glad you have been able to quit so easily Dolly. I guess for some it is harder than for others.

It hasn't been easy. At all. I had the shakes, the sweats and the insomnia. Don't for a minute think it was easy. It was and is a freaking nightmare. I just don't think if someone wants to get sober that being babied is a help.

[Masquerade]

HELP!!

For what it's worth -
I thought this site was MY Way Out ... not YOUR Way Out.

We have all arrived from varied journies in our quest to achieve sobriety. Sometimes I seem irreverent in my posts ... just trying to present a brave face through self-deprecating humor. Other times, I attempt to find/heal/nurture my inner child and just need a good, old-fashioned crying jag. It is at THOSE times when my cyber-friends really respond with hugs and understanding.

I treasure EACH of you ... regardless of how you arrived or the baggage you bear.

Much love ... THANKS ... and support.
- Masq

[The Londoner]

HELP!!

Just found this thread and now Dex, your thread makes sense! Don't be upset, people mean well here, although some can be a trifle blunt!

If I have to single out one good piece of advice-and there is lots to think about in all these posts-I am with Sartori-dump the booze, then AF for 30 days minimum. Use whatever support you need to get you through 30. We all do this differently but the RJ book and the supps available here can be invaluable to many. Don't worry about "failing". If you decide to commit to wanting to do 30 AF, this site really comes into its own-join the daily abs thread or the monthly abs thread, you are not alone, there is so much support here and with such a shared goal, then it really can be fun! Maybe that's what you need to do, Green, when you are ready. Focus on getting your mind ready to make this important step and shout it out to all and sundry when you get there! Everyone, but everyone will rally to your side. You will also feel less defensive and sensitive when you do this-just remember, there is no such word as fail, every step towards 30 AF, every hour, every day, counts. You fall, you get up and start again.

I like the Sam Becket quote:

No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.

It's all about trial and error. But we sure as hell gotta try. Otherwise we are dead.

I was drinking too much on a daily basis for 35 years. I got a serious health scare last summer. I can now say I am really glad I did. Back to the wall, I found MWO. I made 30 days AF my original goal and when I got there, I was still scared to stop and kept on going for over 100 days. I then drank for a month around christmas, stayed sober, then back to AF-it felt natural to do that, for the sake of my health and happiness. I am not suggesting this is easy-of course I missed drinking,at times it was way tough, no surprise there given the control it had over my life for over 3 decades. But the good news is, I didn't miss it, feel it calling and cajoling me nearly as much as I thought I would, especially as the AF days built up.

And yes, life is sending me quite a lot to deal with at the moment, its not all fun and games right now!This past weekend I was around drinkers and I'd have loved to join in but I am determined to stay AF for now and that's an end to it. I don't need anybody here to tell me this. I know it myself. Otherwise, my life would not be pretty.

For me, right now, that is made easier because I have not said, AF is forever and I know I will drink again, probably mid-March. It's just that the pattern is so different, the pattern is broken-the merest whiff of overdoing it would send me right back to AF, no question. I truly feel that it would be arrogant to assume I had cured the addiction, but hey I seem to have broken the habit! Part of what helps me there is that it is WayToo Scary to ever contemplate returning to my former drinking life. Getting older helps! I just can't hack it anymore!

Sorry, I digress!

I just want to reiterate how important it is to commit to 30 days AF-among other things, it sorts your head out and there are sensible and important recommendations here to get you through dangerous physical withdrawal if need be. There is also the vital human resource bank-someone here on MWO will know exactly where you are coming from and will cheer you on-guaranteed!

sending you strength for your journey, Greeneyes and also a generous sprinkling of love and laughter.

keep going girl!
If I can, you can!

:h Anna:h

oh and by the way, you'll soon be ditching the big girl pants-I have dropped two sizes since last summer-no exercise involved!