What does this tell you about me?

[4theboyz]

What does this tell you about me?

Living,

I feel for you. To use the term we are in the same boat. It just occured to me that you could tell them you are abstaining from AL for Lent. That way you don't have to acknowledge a problem to people you hardly know and don't want to give the impression something is amiss. I just may use that on my wife to buy some more time to figure all this out.

CGal, you are on!! I tapped into your positive energy days ago and it will be my pleasure to go the distance with you by my side. Let's go girl, ODAT!

I don't know how anyone else feels or felt going AF, but I just can't get over how good I feel today compared to 10 days ago. I am happy I feel great but at the same time very upset at how bad AL made me actually feel without realizing it. The buzz was good while it lasted, but I can do without the lack of good sleep, the bloatedness, being tired, being scatter brained, being crabby, bitchy generally irritated at everything. Most of I never realized how much I missed being close to people, now I don't have to worry if they are going to smell the booze on my breath. Not to mention the brainless moments like driving! Man, can AL f@%k you over or what!?!

[Cinders]

What does this tell you about me?

Living,

Why must you tell her? Just curious. You could just stay you've stopped drinking for health reasons. ??

4thboyz,

Yes, AL can sure f up your life!!

Love,
Cindi

[indiamike57]

What does this tell you about me?

Suggest wait on the telling till you feel more secure. I do believe we all read that the mdication you are taking is not good with alcohol nor some otherdrugs and you so want to enjoy her weekend with her happy and healthy! :rockon:


PS. And aren't those hot flashes getting on your nerves anywy and alcohol only makes it worse!

[southernbelle47]

What does this tell you about me?

4theboys and Livingfree....We need all the support we can get on this journey. If there is a family history then share that you have a concern that you, your children or future grandchildren, will be affected by depending too much on alcohol and you've decided to give it up for awhile...maybe forever.
This is a stressful world we live in...but we have so much to be thankful for ...In a more simple time, we worked harder and didn't need drugs to help us sleep and alcohol to calm our nerves.Parents and kids worked all day just to survive and feed and cloth ourselves. Daylight to dark...
Sad isn't it that we have MORE than anyone else in the world and we're still not happy and don't have that Peace in our lives.
Sorry...kinda got off on a ramble....
Just my thoughts on "Family support" and how times have changed.
If you need help...ask the people who love you for it...you and they will be blessed by it...
:h Nancy

[cowgal]

What does this tell you about me?

Living, 4TheBoyz

Living, like others have said "Why do you have to tell her"?? It will only be a short period of time, she may not even notice, but yep, medications of certain types, say antibiotics, are highly metabolized by the liver so it is suggested you don't drink AL while taking them...........so you have a cold or something???:happyheart:

4TheBoyz, I will not quit going AF if you don't!!! I am so glad you don't want that Vodka, but it is probably a good idea, since I have this experience time and time again, to get it out of the house, another reason why you might think about telling her.................you want to be a better person than her X..............I feel better after a few weeks and it starts calling my name.....(the Vodka) :huh: and I eventually give in...........Hopefully you won't but maybe she could hide it REALLY WELL, my hubby is good at that at times, even when I didn't want him to be!!:durn:

Anyway, enough rambling, I hope you both do fine!

Mary Anne:h

[4theboyz]

What does this tell you about me?

This has been a great thread, very therapeutic with great thoughts and ideas.

This is weird for me, but I almost feel more comfortable with that bottle in the liquor cabinet. I am fully accountable for it's existence and the fact that it remains full not empty. Big boy pants time IMO. Some how if I told my wife to hide it, that if I felt the urge, I would try and find it and in the end it is no different than that freaking mega liquor store I pass everyday or the liquor dept of the grocery store both of which I had a frequent buyers gold card for. Convenience is not an issue when I have to master the urge not to drink, so 5 feet away or 500, I simply have to not want to drink and I really don't.

I can run from AL but I know I can't hide and I have been preparing for this battle for 3 years or more. For that entire time, I planned, prepared, back out, panicked, planned some more, made excuses, pretended all is ok, planned again, panicked some more, drank some more hoping it all would some how get better. It never did it only got worse. Everyone here is right, the only one I am fooling is myself, I realized that and I quit. Just like that, I am done, it's over, I'm done messing up my life and selling out my family short of what they fully deserve from me. This ain't a game, this royally sucks to be in this situation. But, it OK, it could be worse, much much worse.

I have to go take a chill pill.

[tlrgs]

What does this tell you about me?

hi there..4theboyz...you got the right ideal .good luck

[StraightLines]

What does this tell you about me?

4theboyz, sounds good to me.

My ex (alcoholic) has this can of whatever-it-was-he-was-drinking on the shelf that has sat there for years now, it was the drink he never opened, and he needs it as a reminder.

[KatieSmiles]

What does this tell you about me?

You are on the right track, stay with it and us!

[4theboyz]

What does this tell you about me?

I came home from work, picked up the boys at a friends since my wife was teaching her yoga class this eve. and I strolled into the kitchen and *there it was*!!! (Insert shrieking horror music) My head snap turned in the direction of that glimmery shiny bottle monster thingy hiding in the kitchen cabinet.

"Oh hey there AL" I said. Calmly, I went to the "safe" cabinet and took out a chill pill, got out a glass, filled it with ice, twisted of the cap on the bottle of club soda filled my glass, I raised it high in the direction of AL and went off to help my 8 year old with his piano lessons.

My wife came home and the sight of (me of course) and my empty glass of ice cubes must of got her in the mood because next thing I knew she sprung AL from the closed security of the glass cabinet and poured herself a nice cool vodka and grapefruit juice. I quickly glanced away not wanting to press my luck and gathered my thoughts. "Ha" I said, "silly me" Now my tortured weaknesses, my urges, my distorted misguided desires are all a long hidden reality I must come to terms with.

I cannot now selfishly deny my wife her own reward of a singular drink as she chooses that she so deserves after her long day just so I may not be tempted by AL. Why should my struggle with AL now become her additional burden of a constant anticipation of the possibility of my failure to cope with my dependency on AL. I know I will let her in on my little secret sometime sooner than later. I will find the right time to discuss this with her, but until then I really feel she deserves to enjoy her life free of the worries of my success or failure of my battle with AL. IMO it won't change a bit the true nature of what I know *I* need to do.

Truth be told I am ashamed of my getting to this point in my life. I ran from and numbed the reality of my life's responsibilities and hid this self destruction as best as I knew how. I did this to myself, not her not anyone else. This is my responsibility and I want my recovery to be a commitment that I can prove I can keep and not a burden of proof she has to otherwise be responsible for by her own actions.

Tomorrow - day 11, not just another day...a glorious day AF!

[Thankful]

What does this tell you about me?

You sound like such a great husband and father.

As long as you feel you can stay AF, go with your plan. Do whatever works for you. But if you feel it becomes a problrem, please don't be afraid to fess up. If you can't stay healthy, you will be no good to yourself or your family. Just remember that.

Great job, staying away from that nasty little bottle. Wtg for your AF days aquired.
You are on your way!

Stay strong. You can do it.

Love, Me
:l

[tlrgs]

What does this tell you about me?

be honest with yourself and family

let your wife know you have a problem with al and just let her know she doesn't have to stop her drinking because of your problem with al . you may find she is very understanding and wants to help you with your recovery .

[Not Happy Hour-Happy Life]

What does this tell you about me?

4 the boys.... congrats on Day 11. :woot:

Do you think your wife is drinking to "fit in" with what she perceives you are doing?

Is there anyway to take Mr Al/Miss Alice and put them in timeout, stored in a far-away place?
My husband has no clue how my drinking had spiralled into crazy-land.... he's the type who can take it or leave it. But once I 'fessed up and told him that I wanted to stop drinking for a while, he changed his actions for me.... he would put his bottle away and not leave it on the kitchen counter, and would throw away his drink before going to bed....

Stay strong. Congrats, and be true to yourself.
:heart:

[socky]

What does this tell you about me?

I'm chiming in here late.

I'm going solo as well. I'll be married for 17 years in April. We have a great relationship. Your original post has made me question why I haven't told my husband yet.

These are my reasons.

I have told him many mornings after the night before that I am giving up the drink. You know how you do! "I am NEVER drinking again" He's heard it too many times before. So, I want to get some AF time under my belt and feel like its douable. My husband loves me just the way I am eventhough he would probably describe me as "fond" of the drink. When I do tell him everything, and how sneaky I have been and the extent of what I percieve my problem to be he will be supportive .But right now I want to do this for myself (ultimately its for the good of my family) but right here and right now its about me, its my struggle. If I told my husband he would get on board but I don't want him policing me. That would cause upset and I want to keep things as stable as possible. If I slip after a reasonable or even short time AF, I' don't want to have to deal with his diappointment as well as my own.

I will tell my husband in time, just not at this time. Don't know if this perspective helps you 4the boyz. Or even if its the correct thing to do.

[livingfree]

What does this tell you about me?

Great Advice here

Thanks everyone for some great thought provoking advice here. I've decided not to tell I am going to turn this into a POSITIVE thing with my family. I am going to change my life by improving those relationships one at a time - one on one. When I told my husband - It wasn't planned - it just happened. And looking back - I am so glad it did - because now it is about "accountability" with the person who lives day in and day out with me. No more secret life. But more than that it takes the "option" out of it for me. I tried quitting so many times before, but because I didn't tell anyone - it was just broken promises to myself. This puts a whole new level of trust in it for me. I AM doing this for ME - but I also care deeply for my husband and that relationship deserves the real me.

Just this week - He is finally not leaving his drink sitting out - bottles sitting around, etc. (which really are annoying to me - not because they tempt me - but just because it annoys me - so it's not always easy on a spouse either. Thats why they have support groups for spouses also!

In time - you will know how much or what you choose to tell her 4TB - The important thing is TODAY NO AL
Liv