looking for advice regarding the ex-drinking buddy

[rapala]

I have been trying really hard to stay sober. My Ex- Drinking Buddy ( EDB) just called to watch American Idol... I know by saying 'no thanks' it pissed her off..... and the reason I said no is because it is a huge trigger for me to sit and watch Idol (or any later night show). So the boys are watching hockey and I am doing "different things" to help my sobriety, but now that the call has been received... my hated friend "Temptation" starts knocking.... I hate that.... I need right now one minute, or hour at a time. I can say no to my EDB, but how do I not feel bad about that?

[rapala]

looking for advice regarding the ex-drinking buddy

should I call her back and explain that I just can't drink anymore...

[Thankful]

looking for advice regarding the ex-drinking buddy

Hi, Rapala. I think calling her and explaining just might help. Your anxiety now just might be you feeling bad for her getting upset. But you need to remember that you come first!!! Not your friends! Sorry, but sobriety has to be a selfish time for us. If we are not selfish now, we can not be there for friends and family when they REALLY need to rely on us for something.

Who knows? Maybe you will inspire your friend to want to cut back too. That happened with a friend of mind who finally admitted to me last week that he was going to try to quit too.

Give it a try. It probably can't hurt. Just be kind and sensitive to the fact that they do still drink. You still want them as a friend and it's ok that they want to drink, it's just you can't be around it until you are stronger. You just don't want to make it sound like they have to pick you or the booze, you know?

Good luck, hun.

Love, Me
:l

[Not Happy Hour-Happy Life]

looking for advice regarding the ex-drinking buddy

Rapala,
Thankful has some very wise words.... with that being said, you were very strong to decline the invitation, so congratulations on your choice. And remember, it is YOUR choice.

I'd call my friend. True friends will understand, and you don't have to make it sound like your decision to stop drinking is a life-altering drastic decision (even though it IS life changing!)... Give yourself, your children, and your friends time to meet the new and improved you. :l

[nancy]

looking for advice regarding the ex-drinking buddy

Well, if it's a close friend, you should open up about the real reasons.
If you don't tell her the truth, the temptation is still going to be there.

Or at least make up an excuse why you are not drinking (health kick for example).

I think AA advises getting out of relationships that are solely based on booze and that is one part of the program I would agree with.

If booze is the main element here, you are going to need to distance yourself. Otherwise, tell the truth and salvage the friendship.

[rapala]

looking for advice regarding the ex-drinking buddy

thanks all.. I have stayed here all night to help me . and I appreciate your response... thank you very much...... no friends over tonight to watch TV... still I have an angry and confused husband ....

[rapala]

looking for advice regarding the ex-drinking buddy

Nancy- do you also rely on AA

I am desperate here,, don't respond if you don't '''''''''''''''" get it"

[rapala]

looking for advice regarding the ex-drinking buddy

yes, nancy, I also go to meetings, and a counselor?

[rapala]

looking for advice regarding the ex-drinking buddy

dear Nancy- I did talk to her...thank you. I felt bad' but she " understood" we shall see.. I only tell you half of how I feel.. and think................... sorry if I fail this program, my thoughts are.... I fail everything! My sister disagrees., Myself and my husband are not so sure.

[greeneyes]

looking for advice regarding the ex-drinking buddy

Those things are issues for me too. I decided to simply say that my liver is on a much needed vacation, so no drinkies. Pancreas went with it.

[nancy]

looking for advice regarding the ex-drinking buddy

Hi

Good for you for being open with your friend. That takes a lot of guts.

No I don't go to AA or rely on it. It's not my cup of tea. But there are some things I think are really good about it, like face-to-face contact and a network of people you can go out with and do sober things with.

So you think you fail at everything? Well your sister is right. Because factually that can't be true. Try to analyze this statement and you will find lots of examples of things you do right. The truth is often somewhere in the middle. The best thing you can do for yourself is start sending yourself some positive messages instead of-- as so many women do--- allowing all this negative self-talk to get you down and make you fall short of your goals.

[Hannah]

looking for advice regarding the ex-drinking buddy

Rapala - You said your husband is angry and confused.....Have you told him what is going on? Maybe the next thing you should do is sit down with him and have a heart to heart....hopefully he will be understanding, and supportive.

[FloridaBoy]

looking for advice regarding the ex-drinking buddy

"I can say no to my EDB, but how do I not feel bad about that?"

Easy, just explain to her what you are doing and why. If she is truly a friend she will understand. :new: I have just started telling friends that I have stopped drinking because I no longer found it to be a positive thing and that I cannot handle hangover days anymore.

[IAD]

looking for advice regarding the ex-drinking buddy

Old drinking Buddies....
Are'nt what you need to help your recovery ! Unles they are on the same mission your on !
AA is a good start,,,Check out this web site........Happy Trails..IAD