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[SK8RGRL]

OMG, I am having to post in here tonight because I am so tempted to drink right now. I have done so well and am chuffed that I now have 3 months sobrierty when I never thought I would ever ever achieve that. I had slowly started to feel better, but my black moods of hopelessness have resurfaced with avengance today. Work was busy I can deal with that, but my BF started a new job today. He has had many jobs and I dont deal well with changes. I NEED stability to get better. My irrational thinking is back..as if it ever left!.. I am on sedatives form the doc (heminevrin)and I keep taking them.I am supposed to have weened myself off them and switched to diazapam but I don't want to come off them. I only have about 10 left before I have to switch. I need to get "buzzed". I have a bottle of malibu screaming out to me. I have opened it and keep sniffing it. I am told I cant drink tho as it is dangerous to drink on these tabs. I want it tho..really really want it. Then again if i had wine in the house I wouldn't be able to NOT drink it, so I think I am coming close to relapsing and taking this risk. I spoke to my AA sponsor who basically said if I wasn't prepared to "work" the "program" I will never stay sober.. so why am I bothering. I know I will feel shit tomorrow but there is no way I am discounting my 3 months for one slip up. Oh god I am so tempted..

[Cinders]

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Sk8tergrl,

I don't know about the steps and all that, but I do know it sounds like you are truly tempting yourself to drink!!

Pour the Malibu down the drain, go take a wam bath and feel better as soon as possible!!

Love,
Cindi

[Masquerade]

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SK8RGRL -
Don't allow big, dumb, evil AL steal away your happiness and success. He's a lying, cheating bully and you are stronger than is he.

Deep breathe through the stress. Take time to celebrate your success and remember that you aren't doing this for the boyfriend OR the AA sponsor .... THIS IS FOR YOU!!!!

I am so proud and envious of your success. Keep on keeping on, Girlfriend. I am also inspired by your strength.

We all love you and are pulling for you.

xoxoxoxox
-Masq

[SK8RGRL]

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Thanks cindi. but I cant do that while I have the drink there i still have the choice

[elsie17]

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Please resist SK8 RGRL, People like you with your track record are huge inspirations to people like me with months to go to get where you are now.YOU are the reason you've come this far and you get through tonight then you'll be so glad you did! Good luck You can do it!!!!!

[trixietrack]

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sk8grls it is really your choice. really. seems like what the sponsor is telling you is making you want to have a drink or 2.

I bet after 3 months sober, you will feel really really awful when you finally come down from that Malibu buzz.

that stuff if vile by the way.

be well maybe the craving will pass

[KateH1]

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Hi Sk8tgirl,
Don't do it! I know exactly how you feel, I have been going through the same "urges" again, over the past couple of days. I too am a few days short of 90 days. I went back and read MM's post called The committee. It is so inspiring! You might want to look it up! Life is so much better sober!!

I agree with Cindi, stop tempting yourself, pour the Malibu out.....after all, it is poison! Take a warm bath......make a cup of your favorite decaf tea and just relax.......you can do this! And so can I !

XXX Kate

[SK8RGRL]

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Thanx, but I have been wobbly for days now. todays events are just pushing me closer. I have concerns with a friend of mine from these boards and her nut case of a husband interfiering in our friendship and anyone else she befriends, I am being used as a pawn in a sexual harasment case at work by my bosses, my BF is off to pastures new and I don't know whether I want to be in this relationship anymore ( we re-mortgaged and I think I have made a terrible mistake (it was my house and now he is on the mortgage so I am stuck) I only want stability. And then to top it all my newly appointed aa sponsor didnt want to know. I know a drink is a bad idea because of the tabs but then again at least I wont be at war with myself anymore. I can take another sedative tho hopefully it will send me to sleep and buy me another day. sorry, I am just feeling sorry for myself

[trixietrack]

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very sorry about what you are experiencing sk8 . sound rough . it's hard to focus while under such pressure.
All I can say is you are strong. be well

Peace

[My New Beginning]

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Sk8RGRL: Please try to stay strong and try a distraction. Go for a drive, change your routine a little. It does help. Most of all stay safe and well. You will regret tomorrow if you open the Malibu tonight.
Love and Peace

[tlrgs]

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hi there..sk8rgrl. you said you have choice. so you need to calm down and take it easy . mixing al and pills is not a good thing. and you know that .if you really feel that bad go to a meeting and talk to someone there and if your sponsor doesnt want to hear what you are saying dont worry about her. worry about yourself .take control of your life its the only one you have. be strong stay busy and dont drink you have made it this far you can and will be able to handle this ..good luck and god bless

[SK8RGRL]

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Thanks, I havent picked up a drink, just popped the sedatives. Thank god I have them or I know I would have drank tonight, I know I would hate myself but its so damned hard and I so want the feeling.

[KateH1]

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It must be quite late there sk8tgrl.....I hope you are able to get some rest. Hopefully tomorrow things will look much different. Also by now, after three months of sobriety, that drinking really does not help us cope. I am so happy to hear that you resisted the drink.

[Pamela]

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SK8GIRL, can you take something to help you sleep if this happens at night? I'm just asking. Suffering through hours with cravings and a nearby bottle seems so miserable. Why not just go to bed and think about it clearly in the am.
P

[MyHeartIsDrenchedInWine]

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I think it seems hard to just go to sleep but it really is easier to face the reality of our lives with a clear head in the mornings. I hope you're doing better today :l