The long and winding road

[Gumby]

Well it has been a while for me, and although I have made some great improvements in my life....I still need help. I guess Im looking for that positive support that so many of you have!! I have been drinking regularly, every night. I don't get all stupid like I use to but I can't seem to go a night without it. It is really starting to piss me off. 4 to 5 beers nightly. Why...I don't know. That is what is so annoying. That little voice in my head that by 8 PM is not so little..... it is screaming. So any words will help. I am trying to focus on ODAT...so for today...ODAT. Peace

[petpeeve]

The long and winding road

Hi Gumby, I can certainly hear what you are saying....i did a couple days af to start with last week but then started with a few, albeit just a few at night. HAve you ordered the supps? I find that the L-Glut and Kudzu really help with the cravings, although i have to admit that i intentionally did not take them this weekend and i am mad at myself now. It is a new week, this holiday is over so lets try to start fresh and see how we do, i would like to shoot to be good this week, have a graduation party on Saturday and plan to not be stupid at it!!!

[Gumby]

The long and winding road

ya know...I was taking the supplements, but I am not so convinced that is what helps. I guess I feel that each time I have attempted to be AF it was sheer determination. It is just my opinion, not to mention they upset my stomach. I still have some and I have thought I will give them another chance, but I truly believe it comes from really wanting something..... I am reaching that point again.
I used to drink wine and I never thought I could quit. Well I did. But now it is beer. So you see I haven't really quit...I just did an exchange. I will say I was a lot more"drunk" on wine then the beer. I get a little buzz so that is why I can't figure out why I seem to not be able to convince myself to quit. Fear of the sobriety I guess. I don't know is it physical? is it mental? am I mental? Yeah!!! OK I will stop at the risk of exposing my inner mind war.
Thanks for your kind words...this is the one thing that I know helped me in the past, having a family of sorts to turn to when your own family can't really fathom what you are going thru. :-)

[cuckoosnest83]

The long and winding road

Hi Gumby, wish I had some words of wisdom to share but I'm in the same boat as you. I go a few days AF and then drink every night. Then I'll swear I won't drink that night but like you the voice in my head starts screaming. The only thing I can say is to keep on trying. I have achieved more AF days being on this site for 8 months than I have in 16 years so to me that in itself is an accomplishment but I really would like to go AF for good. I wish you and Pet all the best as we each struggle with this demon in our own personal battle.

[petpeeve]

The long and winding road

Yes, it seems like the 3 of us, and i am sure many others are in the same boat .......for me it is wine as well, but white wine....i am not a real strong person so it takes me alot to really accomplish something, I, like cuckoo have done soooo much better since being on this site, the supps don't upset my stomach and i don't honestly think it is a mind game they are playing with me, for me they just seem to work.....the past week, or couple weeks for me have been pretty crappy, i guess part has to do with kids growing up and really not feeling like they need you for everything they used to, i have to get my mind set back into ME and take care of me first since they are pretty self-sufficient at this point......lets just take it ODAT and see how we do this week.......

[cuckoosnest83]

The long and winding road

I'm with you Pet. ODAT and back on the topa. I think I'll pick up some L-glut too. Here's to us achieving our goal, one day at a time.

[glass Kat]

The long and winding road

Wow, you guys are just where I am also. I've managed to cut back a lot, but only 1 or 2 days AF here and there. I am afraid, but not sure what of? maybe those nightmare demons that the AL quiets down. Here I am day 1 and determined. I wish us all luck, peacefuness, and strenght. Kat

[Gumby]

The long and winding road

well I haven't tried the Topa.....I am afraid of the side effects. I am good at excuses though....argh!!I will resume the Kudzu that did seem to help..I think, such a skeptic...... but like I said another try can't hurt,need to get some more L-Glut also. I have been doing the all -n- one for a while and take large doses of Vit B. That does seem to help, but I am looking for the "easy way out".....doesn't work that way I know better. It seems I get use to letting myself down so much....... then it piles high and grow tired of my excuses, failures and lack of strength..... and I find myself back to the place that has helped in the past. Thanks....

[cuckoosnest83]

The long and winding road

Gumby;333444 wrote: It seems I get use to letting myself down so much....... then it piles high and grow tired of my excuses, failures and lack of strength......

Gumby you expressed my feelings perfectly. Each time I swear it will be different and it never is. What is so frustrating is that now I don't even enjoy it and I still can't seem to beat it. I will continue to try until I succeed.

Cuckoo

[cuckoosnest83]

The long and winding road

Kat, I'm with you, day 1 and determined.

[Doggygirl]

The long and winding road

MWO has been such a blessing for me too. I haven't kicked the Beast all the way to the curb yet, but am making progress. (so in other words, I don't have any magic answers to offer!!)

Gumby, I can relate to so much of what you say. Long term daily drinking, switching from one poison to another (LOL - mine was opposite - from beer as #1 to wine as #1 then to Voddy as #1). It's all still booze.

I also agree that there IS no magic fairy dust - the determination has to be there. I DO think the supplements and CD's help (and for many the prescription meds - I haven't tried those). But they ain't magic.

Through my various trips and stumbles over the last year, I came back here 6 days ago with renewed determination to kick the Beast out of my life. I think the only way that can happen for any of us is to make the choice not to drink alcohol, every time that notion comes up in our minds. Initially that might be 100 times a day. It will get less over time. I think RJ's recommendation in the book to at least choose to go AF for 30 days, then decide about trying moderation is a good one. That's what I'm trying to do anyway!!

Best wishes to all as we work to conquer the beast!!

DG
******
Day 6 AF

[MB]

The long and winding road

Gumby...You are me talking. i too am handling it better but am drinking most days. I am amazed that I will be having my seventy first birthday in a couple of weeks and that I am still here...not at my best and am such a phony always waiting for people to realize they are communcating with a drunk. I have not been on this site since I went back to my drinking after 10 days of not but this morning I got a personal message from I believe a Jessie 2...wonder if that's right??? Answered and then was told it was rejected so I want to thank that person for thinking of me...it touched me and want to make sure they know I appreciated it very much...It helps just to know that you too are like me..Grateful heart, MB

[Gumby]

The long and winding road

In a selfish way it is comforting to know we are not alone.....I think that is why we return, we are "trying" it is better then not "trying" at all. We are conscious of our bad habits, that is why we are here. I am just frustrated by the lack of will, it seems that because the habit have reached a point of maintainable, yet still hazardous..... our/or my ambition to change is not as strong. I very rarely wake with a hangover, at least not like I use to. Could I wake feeling more refreshed.... you bet, I think if I have a few good days under my belt and remember what it feels like to be sober for an extended period of time I may find I like it better. But why am I scared why do I not have the ambition....fuck I really don't know, I just can't seem to find it. I have got all the excuses to continue on with my current habits and behaviors despite the fact that I now better. I could lie to myself over and over like I do but my inner self knows, I just shut it up when I don't want to hear it with a little booze(beer) 4 seems to work! Then I wake up with the thought saying....why, why can't you stop or change? So here I am. Thanks for all your responses and I do feel for you...because I am where you are at....Contemplating

[Doggygirl]

The long and winding road

Then I wake up with the thought saying....why, why can't you stop or change?

Here is the truth as I see it. You CAN stop. So can I. So can all of us. We have to CHOOSE to do it. I can't speak for anyone else. But in any endeavor in my own life, if I believe I "can't" then I certainly "won't." Just food for thought.

I know - this path is not an easy one.

DG

[LVT25]

The long and winding road

Remember, this program is called "My Way Out" not "The Easy Way Out"!

For me, the main thing was to change up my routine. Instead of drinking a beer at 5:00 when the urge struck, I'd eat something, and drink some tomato juice. After paying a bit of attention the cravings were actually hunger and habit. I had to be selfish and focus on me (I also quit smoking at the same time). I think the cd's help alot. I come here a lot (too much).
I don't socialize much right now. Its pretty easy for me to go 2 weeks without drinking now. Before I was drinking almost every evening.
Bottom line is, you gotta do what you gotta do. And you have to want it bad enough to suffer a bit. With me when I start to feel a bit uncomfortable I cave. Just remember to never quit trying to quit!
Hang in there!