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[keeta]

...out of this madness...PLEASE.

3 people in my family are dying right now....where is the sense in that?
Cancer SUCKS...I am praying for my mom right now....she is going to need it.......there is NO sense in this life. NONE

[tawnyfrog]

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keeta - how can I help?

[MyHeartIsDrenchedInWine]

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Keeta,

I'm sending prayers your way. Sometimes life is very very difficult, stay strong!


Luvya,

Myheart

[keeta]

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frog...tell me how life can be so...awful...kick you in the bag...take your breath away...awful....
I know we are all going to die...
I guess I am feeling hopeless... too much death around me...makes me sad...so damn sad....like what is the fucking point, sad. Too much death...makes a person ache from the inside.

[SKendall]

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Keeta, I am so very sorry. I just want you to know that there will be many people pulling for you on this site.

Let us know how to help.

Strength, hope, and love coming your way.

[keeta]

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dolphin...there is no such thing as weak words...we all suffer together...little or big....thank you SO much!!!!

[keeta]

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MyHeart and Kendall...thank you so much...I am pretty much a wwreck right now...I don't do well with death anyways....when it touches my life...it just seems fucking WRONG...like I should some how be immune...RIGHT.....no one I love is allowed to pass....arrrrrrrrrrrrrgh

[greeneyes]

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keeta.....I'm sorry you are feeling the way you do. You sound angry and fearful. Try to put that aside and love and honor them during their remaining time. Try to step outside the box you are in. Your energy affects them and everyone and everything in the universe. I believe we are spiritual beings having a human experience. When that experience is over, we return to the spiritual oneness. Death is part of life however it happens. We need to accept that. My mother's service was on my birthday. She died of cancer. Instead of thinking my birthday would be a bummer from then on, I decided I would get two cakes to celebrate two lives. Grab hold of my hand and pull hard.

[4theboyz]

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Hello Keeta,

As a fellow blob of jello in the face of human suffering, I can only offer my words of support for your own struggles with such awful circumstances.

Life is indeed temporary, but their love for you will last forever. Also they need your strength and support at this time with their own struggles and resolution of their final days.

I hope you find peace at this difficult time.

[Janice]

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Sending you a big hug Keeta......there are times when we are put to the test and it all seems so unfair. Try and stay strong though I know this is easier said than done.........I'm about to face the first anniversary of losing my Dad but you know, he hasn't really gone....he's still with me, in my heart, in my thoughts; in my memories, in everything I do.

Take care,

Janicexxx

[angeleyes]

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Keeta,

I am so sorry to hear about your situation - I also watched my Mom die of cancer and it was the most painful thing I have ever experienced. But death is a part of life that we all have to face, and when she finally passed, all I can tell you is she had the most content look of perfect peace on her face, that I AM ABSOLUTELY POSITIVE that she had moved on to a better place. (Before that moment, I doubted the reality of the after-life). This knowing, and also, sometimes I could feel her presence somehow, helped me get through it.

Holding on to anger and the feeling that life has been unfair to you will only keep you trapped in a place that will hold you back from life. Sometimes suffering can be turned into something positive, a new realization that life is to be lived fully, compassion for others, etc. You have the support of so many people here, and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

HANG ON - life will get better.

[Doggygirl]

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Keeta, my heart goes out to you. I can't imagine dealing with multiple family members slipping away at the same time. This must be very difficult. Let us know if there is more we can do other than send you hugs and friendship through cyberspace. I wonder if there is a grief support type group in your local area? The hospital might know. One of my best friends lost her husband to cancer at a "too young" age (she was only 42, he was early 50's). She has told me many times since then that the grief support group she hooked up with was a God send.

Best wishes to you...

Hugs,
DG

[LVT25]

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Keeta--you are so right-CANCER SUCKS! My parents got sick about the same time and passed away 6 months apart. They were married almost 60 years. It was really sad, and hard, and I'm still sad--I miss them so much! It was such a bad year--we lost 4 friends in car accidents, my father in law and my parents!

If you can get your hands on this book, it really helped me. The hospice nurses gave it to us when my dad was dying. It's called "Final Gifts".

[ame=http://www.amazon.com/Final-Gifts-Understanding-Awareness-Communications/dp/0553378767/ref=pd_sim_b_title_4]Amazon.com: Final Gifts: Understanding the Special Awareness, Needs, and Communications of the Dying: Maggie Callanan, Patricia Kelley: Books[/ame]

Take care. :h

[bootcampbarbie]

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you are right darling, death and all the ways it happens sucks. the temporary status and not knowing the when our ticket is punched sucks. living life as if we have another day to make it right well that sucks too. a friend of mine died a few weeks ago after brain surgery and i was really taken aback by how he lived his life so full and so in tact. and i was thinking about the saying is my life so in order that this is a good day to die. is everything and everyone in order? it has renewed my practice of cleaning it up and letting folks know around me how very much they mean to me. and it renewed me to look at what am i waiting for me in my life to take on that i can do now. because maybe there are no tomorrows left to do them or say them. i was so moved on a consulting call yesterday with a client that i remember telling him what an inspiration he is to me. i thought wow, awkward moment but it was so true. and i thought you know it brought me to tears how amazing this individual is and i wanted him to know. and i wonder does anyone ever really take the time to sit down and acknowledge people for the good that they are and really really mean it. like get to know them and see it and stand for them and believe in them. well, i suppose your suffering made me think of all the beauty there is in the life, transition and death. as i have a friend of mine also fighting for her life. so a client of mine out of that created a company fight like a girl with proceeds going to cancer research. and today i'm sending her one of their t shirts and i'm wearing mine. with the little pink ribbon. and i think she fights harder for her life while i just used to drink mine away. how ironic is that. sending you a cyber hug and knowing that out of great suffering comes great compassion comes great love comes making a difference if we allow that

[keeta]

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Morning all,

Thank you SO much for all you caring responses. I am feeling a little better this morning, but just can't seem to stop the steady stream of leaking tears. I evolve from sad to angry and back again, and just can't seem to wrap my head around it all at once.:upset:

Beaner: yes...I do need to step out of the box...I won't be any good to any body wallowing in a pit of anger and pain at how "unfair life is". I am sorry about your mom, but wow, what a wonderful way to celebrate her and her life...a cake for you both.:h I am grabbing and pulling greenbean...thank you for the hand!:l

4theboyz...ah yes, a fellow blob of jello! I have such a hard time accepting death...I fear it, and so to watch it happen to any one, but especially someone I love..is beyond awful..like some how if I just WANT them to live enough, I can fix it. The reality of it is of course not that way.

Janice...Thank you for the hugs!!! for some reason, your reply made me bawl like a baby! But in a good way.:l

cherbear...I am amazed, shocked and saddened by how many here have been touched by this disease. You are 100% correct about not staying in a place of anger, or feeling like life is unfair. To find a renewed sense of appreciating(sp?) life, mine and the lives of those I love...treating each day as the gift it is....thank you for your prayers

Doggygirl...this place is so awesome for the complete love and support that is found here. A place where I CAN come, and say..."Whoa...this is almost more than I can take"...and suddenly, there are so many others, that have experienced similar things...or simply are reaching out with hugs, and helping hands.For that I am truely grateful.

LVT....wow...what an awful loss for you...I wish something I could say would ease your sadness...but all I can offer is a :l...thank you for the link to the book, it sounds amazing.