I need help

[montbob]

I'm in trouble.I had a business meeting a couple of weeks ago.While drinking with co-workers i began to talk about my boss.It was reported to him and the next night while drinking he confronted me and i lost control verbally.My name is now dirt and they want me to quit work,but won't come out and say it.They mentioned employee assistance program and want to know my decision.Should i call the EAP and tell them i am an alcoholic and need help.I'm worried about the red flags and permanent records and how it could affect my family.I'm at a loss.

[Cinders]

I need help

Montbob,

I don't know for sure but...

You need to decide where you want to go from here.

Do you want to defeat this or is this just a "I got in trouble and now I am here.." kind of thing?? I am not being light about this.

One way leads down one path and the other another.

I have straddled those fences myself and know it is hard.

I have a huge family to feed on my paycheck. And, if I lost my job because of my drinking, damn, they will be stranded.

My husband just called me up and told me to max out my 401K and I asked him if I did would he cover my expenses? Deafening silence.

Everyone wants a piece of us. Everyone.

I know one thing for me. Sobriety is priority #1. Period. Because without my sobriety, I am a lost soul, everything else disappears.

If EAP can help you, go with it, but do not do it lightly because they ask a lot of you. However, if you choose to not go with EAP then you are on your own, they can just fire you because you are you.

My gut feeling is, you need to get "this" figured out. Because without "this" you are going to be in the same boat, ummm 2 or 3 days from now??

Love,
Cindi

[Suzanna]

I need help

Hi Montbob, first off, no more drinking with co -workers, you will need to really show an effort here, you can come back from this, but you will have to go to your boss with apologies and tail between your legs, sincerity and what do you want to see me do to make it right. I don't think you have to say the word "alchoholic" to get some counseling from your EAP. I just wanted to lend some support to you and glad you are here.

[montbob]

I need help

Thanks you all I'm going through hell now and you both make sense.I want to quit,but I don't.I seem to have little willpo:thanks:wer and it has a death grip on me.

[greeneyes]

I need help

Know your options. If you quit, no unemployment. If you are fired, you may get unemployment as you engage in job search, but being fired is not a great reference. Then again would you get one anyway? Perhaps call the unemployyment security admin. in your state with questions.

[Doggygirl]

I need help

Hi montbob. Another one here you has walked a mile in those shoes. I did not end up getting fired over my work related drinking, but it was really close. Just for pride sake, I resigned before my boss could get me. But I got the HR meeting, the written warnings, the advice to call employee assistance, etc.

I ended up resigning as that was an option. Me and Mr. Doggy ultimately planned for me to someday join the business we had started full time anyway. But we did NOT plan on doing it in that timing. Would a couple more years of a 100+K salary been really really good for our lives? You. Bet. To this day, Mr. Doggy does NOT know that I really quit because I was in major trouble over drinking. My boss was a jerk (and still is a jerk - THAT part wasn't my problem). So I stuck with that story, which was true. I just kept the other part of it - MY problem "exposed." a secret. I don't feel good about that.

This is the $hit that drinking does to our professional lives.

I don't know how big the company is that you work for. I don't know the employment laws of your state. You might want to do some research on where you stand legally, especially if your family is depending on your income, and if it might be hard to find another equal or better paying job. EAS might buy you some time.

Bottom line though - if you are a problem drinker - however you want to name it for yourself - that problem will keep dogging you until you address it. I hid behind blaming my crappy boss, my stressful accounts, blah blah blah. I fully thought when I resigned it would be easy to cut back my drinking to an appropriate social level. NOT. The drinking problem just got worse.

I'd have more money in the bank today (not that money is everything!) if I had tackled the drinking problem much earlier on. I wish I had called Employee Assistance to get myself some air cover, and kept my job for another couple of years per our original plan.

I hope you consider this problem seriously. Best wishes to you!

DG
*******

[sammys]

I need help

Ok I have thought about this, and sometimes things happen for a reason. Take the assistance with open arms. Doing the right thing is most times the hardest thing.

You can do this,

Sammys

[montbob]

I need help

Doggygirl;334442 wrote: Hi montbob. Another one here you has walked a mile in those shoes. I did not end up getting fired over my work related drinking, but it was really close. Just for pride sake, I resigned before my boss could get me. But I got the HR meeting, the written warnings, the advice to call employee assistance, etc.

I ended up resigning as that was an option. Me and Mr. Doggy ultimately planned for me to someday join the business we had started full time anyway. But we did NOT plan on doing it in that timing. Would a couple more years of a 100+K salary been really really good for our lives? You. Bet. To this day, Mr. Doggy does NOT know that I really quit because I was in major trouble over drinking. My boss was a jerk (and still is a jerk - THAT part wasn't my problem). So I stuck with that story, which was true. I just kept the other part of it - MY problem "exposed." a secret. I don't feel good about that.

This is the that drinking does to our professional lives.

I don't know how big the company is that you work for. I don't know the employment laws of your state. You might want to do some research on where you stand legally, especially if your family is depending on your income, and if it might be hard to find another equal or better paying job. EAS might buy you some time.

Bottom line though - if you are a problem drinker - however you want to name it for yourself - that problem will keep dogging you until you address it. I hid behind blaming my crappy boss, my stressful accounts, blah blah blah. I fully thought when I resigned it would be easy to cut back my drinking to an appropriate social level. NOT. The drinking problem just got worse.

I'd have more money in the bank today (not that money is everything!) if I had tackled the drinking problem much earlier on. I wish I had called Employee Assistance to get myself some air cover, and kept my job for another couple of years per our original plan.

I hope you consider this problem seriously. Best wishes to you!

DG
*******

Thanks for understanding.i am taking it very seriously.I know some of it is my fault and the drinking needs to stop.I am abstaining today and will take one day at a time.

[Doggygirl]

I need help

montbob;334550 wrote: Thanks for understanding.i am taking it very seriously.I know some of it is my fault and the drinking needs to stop.I am abstaining today and will take one day at a time.

Good for you abstaining today! Have you considered downloading RJ's book? Link to Print it Yourself Book I think it's well worth the $12.95.

If you decide to read the book, you will find that RJ recommends 30 days alcohol free, and then decide where you are headed. Just something to consider in addition to thinking about calling Employee Assistance.

We're here if you need a shoulder or a kick in the a$$!

DG
*******

[FloridaBoy]

I need help

:welcome: :new: too. I was where you are once...a consultation with a labor attorney may be money well spent. Knowing what 'could' happen would be helpful.

I use the Kudzu from this site and it worked for me. Reading posts here and realizing I was not alone really helped. Get through 30 days AF and you will feel much better mentally and physically.

[montbob]

I need help

Thanks guys and gals for the understanding.My head is much clearer today.Day 2 and my path is becoming clearer.:thanks:

[Doggygirl]

I need help

Congratulations on getting into your second sober day. I suspect you will be glad to have a very clear head in order to sort out the various problems going on. Here is one of my very, very favorite quotes to help keep you going:

"There is nothing in life that is SO bad that drinking alcohol won't make it worse."

I second Florida Boys motion of at least consulting an attorney if the dust settles a bit, and you still get the feeling you are about to be railroaded, and you really want to keep the job. At least you will have a better idea of where you stand and what you should do to put yourself in the best possible position.

Best wishes. Keep comin' back here.

DG
********

[gabby1go]

I need help

Montbob,

I worked in HR for years and have seen this situation over and over again. My best advice for everyone is NEVER, NEVER, NEVER drink more than one with co-workers.

I hate to say this, but I think you may never be able to recover from this. Your boss will never trust you again, no matter how much you say you are sorry. Unless you are an otherwise excellent employee and they really care about you, EAP may only be a means-to-an-end for them. Have you had any disciplinary write-ups, warnings, etc.? If they feel that your drinking is a problem and you are labeled a "drinker", "alcoholic", whatever, you will have that label for a long time and people will be watching your every move. This may be a good time to look for new employment.

Don't want to be the bearer of bad news, just wanted to be honest. Gabby.

[Guest]

I need help

I moved and lost jobs many times through my drinking career. Sometimes it's required to get you into a position where you can take control of your life. One particular job I had, several of us got cleared out for the same reason. I know of at least one who got AF soon after. Often changes have to be made in our lives so we can get and remain sober, what may seem scary is not necessarily so.

Four years ago I declared bankruptcy and was threatened with losing my job - eventually I did lose my job despite them trying to help me in any way they could. Since then my financial position has only gone from bad to much better and I am at college studying for a professional qualification - all this through my drinking.

So who knows, you don't have to go the regular route.

[Accountable for Me]

I need help

A clear head will get you going on what you 'need' to do.

Please contact your EAP rep. Seriously!

Drinking with co-workers, boss, etc. can bite you in the arse - huge! Especially if you have some issues with them. Alcohol gives many a 'loose tongue'.

Don't let your employer drive you out without seeking help first. Unemployment Insurance (or whatever it is called where you are) do not favour those who quit or get fired. Even if you tell them you are having some personal problems - they don't care. You are just a number and if you don't meet the criteria for assistance, you won't get any.

My advice to you is to 'cover your ass'. No one else will.

ps: Glad you found us! You will find tons of support here!