Nothing is working, I'm out of control

[angeleyes]

I can't stop, I am trying everything, all the supp's, lurking on the message boards, been to see the Dr. for Topa, listening to the hypnotherapy. I cannot get a handle on it, drinking way too much every night, even now, too much stress in my life to get a grip, my personal life is in a shambles. Oh God.. now I'm whining... I just discovered there is another person on here with the name cherbear so have to change my name. Why is nothing ever easy for me, seems like the whole universe has it in for me..There seems to be no hope. I can't even get the smilie little icons to work!! WTF??

[Cinders]

Nothing is working, I'm out of control

CherBear,

Hang in there. I know the feeling intimately.

You are not "out of control" unless you simply give up.

Try for one day. ONE DAY. Do it one hour at a time if necessary. You can do this.

How much are you drinking? Do you think you might be in danger of alcohol withdrawal issues? If so, you may need to go to a doctor to get meds. Please be careful.

Let us know what is going on. Log into chat and get help from people here. We can "talk" you through your rough patches.

We care. :l

Love,
Cindi

[Tiny]

Nothing is working, I'm out of control

CherBear-- deep breath ... we have all been there... I had Day 1 at least 20 times!!!! and if you go back to 13 days ago I posted a thread "something happened" I grew tired of exactly what you are doing right now... I GAVE IN and said... WHAT DO I NEED TO DO?

[me145]

Nothing is working, I'm out of control

i feel so low right now too.. went out saturday night and got drunk, lied to my bf, hung out with guys at the bar. all bc i was drunk. ive lied to him a few times when drinking and it doesnt matter that i was drunk to him. i hate myself, and hes holding on by a thread to this relationship.

[me145]

Nothing is working, I'm out of control

i to just do not have the willpower to be af. or even take the kudzu. i dont stick to it because it takes away the "fun" of the alcohol to me.. and i ll take it and then not take it and then get to drunk, etc. im surprised it didnt work for u.. it doesnt work for everyone.

[angeleyes]

Nothing is working, I'm out of control

Okay, here goes, my pathetic life in a nutshell..mother who was in an unhappy relationship, although she loved him, he was physically abusive and I watched that throughout my entire life of growing up, my mother being thrown about like a ragdoll, she came to my high school grad with black eyes. I did not know how to handle all that, I thought it was all her fault, why could she not JUST STOP DRINKING!! That would solve ALL OUR PROBLEMS!! I had no idea the power of addiction, and swore I WOULD NEVER BE LIKE HER!! She ended up dying 2 years ago of liver cancer, a very devastating loss for me, even though she had lost the respect of so many...

Now I am in a relationship much like that, although there is no physical abuse YET, I feel like he is always on the verge... I don't know, I know how frustrating it is to live with an alcoholic, I know I beat myself up a thousand times a day, I need serious help and don't know where to turn. I have a 13 year old daughter so I am trying to downplay my unhappiness, but I just want out of this relationship, this addiction, this everything... Thanks for all of your responses, can someone meet me in chat?

[LauraAnn]

Nothing is working, I'm out of control

I am right there with you and about to lose everything. hugs

[angeleyes]

Nothing is working, I'm out of control

Oh no, LauraAnn, what is happening with you? I hope you are okay, tell me more.

Me145, I have been taking the supp's and Kudzu, it just is not working.. craving is strong, although my marraige is falling apart, too much stress and I am finding it hard to keep to my plan. I am too new at this to have the strength to keep sober. I'm totally f--ked.

[CS04]

Nothing is working, I'm out of control

Me145, CherBear44 and Laura Ann,

You've come to the right place. Read the Introduction or go to chat; there are people and information who can help. You wouldn't be here if it were all over. We understand the pain of screwed up relationships. Most of us have been there at one point or another. Keep talking.

[louise]

Nothing is working, I'm out of control

Cherbear, As you said you are new at this. Have you been able to get any AF days in? Is it possible not to have Al in the house? The book makes it sound like magic, but many of us struggle and fall down a lot - kind of like learning to ice skate. Don't give up and focus on the positive, even if it is that you started drinking later in the day or had 1 less drink than normal. Are you on a thread where you check in daily? If not, find one or two that fit for you and check in daily, even if not doing well. And make a plan of what to do with yourself during your normal drinking time that will not allow you to drink if possible - movie, gym, library, shopping,etc.

[Doggygirl]

Nothing is working, I'm out of control

Hi Cherbear44, LauraAnn and me145. No matter how bleak things might seem at the moment, as long as you are breathing there is HOPE. My Way Out is a wonderful place to see that getting free of the grips of alcohol is possible.

Like the others have said, it's not easy and even the My Way Out program as written isn't "magic" that will make you suddenly never think about drinking. It takes a lot of work, but there is great community support here to help along the way.

Please keep reading and posting. Read things in all the different sections of this web site. You will find people at all stages of recovery. You will mainly find that healing from the devastating rounds with alcohol IS possible - no matter what your circumstances. And life WILL get better down the road.

I hope all three of you are waking up to a new day in your time zones, and making decisions to work at this - no matter how hard it will be - until you figure out how to get rid of the burden of alcohol in your lives. YOU DESERVE A GOOD LIFE!!!! We ALL do.

Hugs,

DG
********************

[brittzak]

Nothing is working, I'm out of control

My heart is breaking. None of us are alone here!!!! My Mother just died 2 months ago from cancer. Yes, it is a big blow. She was a horrible Mother in my younger years, but we did have 2 good years together before she passed. We can always find blame somewhere....bad parents, kids driving us crazy, my finger nails broke...the point is this addictions is your own. OWN IT!!!! Control it, don't let it control you. YES, I agree help is needed. I could never do this alone. We have each other here and many times need to seek medical care, AA, etc...whatever it takes, take it!!!! Pick yourself up, dust off, stop drinking TODAY. If you fall, repeat tomorrow. When you give up the fight...AL wins!!!

[evie]

Nothing is working, I'm out of control

Hi there Cherbear, me125 and Laura Ann,
I just wanted to echo what others have said, especially the fact that the book made it sound easy. I have definitely not found it easy and am not there by any means, but with the help of the support on this site and the supplements etc I have gone from drinking over abottle of wine a night to less than half that, and it is getting less frequent every week. The key is don't give up, take a day at a time (ODAT thread is helpful for me as it really does focus on each day), set small goals. I can remember first trying to wait as long as possible in the day for a drink til it got to 9 or 10 at night then managing to think well I could probably go all day and just go to bed!
Small steps and remember everyone here is in the same boat, the only real failure is to give up,
Take care and keep plugging away
love Eviexx:h

[Cinders]

Nothing is working, I'm out of control

Small steps and remember everyone here is in the same boat, the only real failure is to give up,
Take care and keep plugging away

This is the cruxt of the whole thing. You are doing GREAT!!

Love,
Cindi

[ChooseToBelieve]

Nothing is working, I'm out of control

How are you now, CherBear?

How are you now, Cherbear? Keep checking in. Take it an hour at a time, keep restarting. It will be better.

I have been trying to stop drinking for years. I was doing fine (again) and then, for no reason at all, started to drink a few days ago. I bought a case of beer and, since I was on vacation and alone, just drank and kept drinking. I emailed something very hurtful to my boyfriend. I am an idiot. I am so disgusted with myself. I am no success story, obviously, but haven't drank in 24 hours and am just starting to feel like there's hope for me again.

A few months ago, I joined this site and was successful at being AF free for over 20 days. Now, it's time to start again. You definitely are not alone here. Please take comfort in those that have succeeded, I sure am.

-sending prayers your way,
-ChooseTB