Nothing is working, I'm out of control

[FloridaBoy]

Nothing is working, I'm out of control

cherbear44;343515 wrote: Oh no, LauraAnn, what is happening with you? I hope you are okay, tell me more.

Me145, I have been taking the supp's and Kudzu, it just is not working.. craving is strong, although my marraige is falling apart, too much stress and I am finding it hard to keep to my plan. I am too new at this to have the strength to keep sober. I'm totally f--ked.

No you are not. Your nerves are frayed and you cannot think clearly with AL in the picture.
Stay up all night on chat. Lose some sleep... Do whatever it takes to stay on your plan.

[toughintexas]

Nothing is working, I'm out of control

Hey Cher, you need to do whatever you need to do to be ok, all the issues you speak about, fuel this addiction, we all know! Get to a hospital if you have to, have them detox you, tell them what is going on, Cindi did it, she can tell you how...your hubby wants you to stay drunk so he can keep control, don't let him win, don't be your Mom, your daughter knows, whether you think so or not....make this stop here, make it stop now, for you and for her, so the "history" ends with you winning for them. You have my private e-mail, trust me, I screwed up last week too, and have no idea why, no good reason whatsoever, so it happens. You do not give up, you are precious and we just all need some counceling and some support, most of all, self-esteem...this isn't YOU its the nature of the BEAST, don't get in the ring with him anymore, and he'll have nobody to play with....trust me, if I have to, I'll go to the hospital, do whatever you have to do, to stop! Then, you can fix the rest of the "crap"! You are only a failure if you quit trying and you are way, way too incredible to do that! You have a whole wonderful life ahead, just start grasping for it, hour by hour.....

[toughintexas]

Nothing is working, I'm out of control

And you probably know, that the longer you let someone beat you down, the worse you feel about yourself....and that just fuels the fire.....you'll do tons better, away from him, not having to be under his thumb, I did with lots less, after a divorce, but man oh man, did I feel soooo much more powerful when I had control of my own life....yes, I slipped many, many years later, but I know now what to do, sometimes you just get a bug in your britches I guess....start jumping up and down and shaking the bugs out, its hard to hold a wine glass and jump up and down at the sametime anyway! (Ok, we have to have some sense of humor here!)

[angeleyes]

Nothing is working, I'm out of control

Thanks everyone for all your kind words and encouragement. I am still not doing well, I am crying all the time and very depressed. I went to the doctor yesterday and spilled it all out, she does not think I can do this on my own, even with the Topa and supp's. She told me the that Topa only has about an 8% success rate, and feels that that is not enough to give me a chance to get off the booze. It seems the harder I try, the worse I do, it's almost like I have it in for myself and am sabatoging any chance at success. She is going to try to get me into a rehab center asap for a dryout period, to help me get up the strength to do this. After that, I hopefully will be able to make more sound choices about what to do about my marraige. I am very nervous about rehab, I have heard it is like going to jail. I'm telling you, I never in a million years thought I would end up in this position. Thanks again everyone, your support means everything to me.

[toughintexas]

Nothing is working, I'm out of control

Cher, tell her to get you into a rehab that isn't like jail, they have many different ones, tailored to your needs, it'll take the decision off you to stop, it'll take the worrying about it, out of your hands, you can just give in, and let them help you, they have years of experience. If I ever thought I couldn't stop, I'd go too, thankfully after over a year here, I've done tons better, but if I pull a stunt like last week ever again, I'll go too.....I did sign up when that happened for the Lenair sessions, in Sept., just as insurance....you get that Dr. to get you in, and it'll change your life...not to mention, you can let them help you with the fight and battle, you'll feel much better I'm certain! E-mail me, I'll give you my number, you can call me anytime! You are doing the right thing! You are loved all the way from Texas! You just have Faith that this will set you on a great new course!

[Cinders]

Nothing is working, I'm out of control

CherBear,

Rehab was a great experience for me. It really was.

Yes, it was very structured, I had to get up at a certain time, I had to take my meds at a certain time, I had to have my room cleaned by a certain time, I had to go to appointments, etc, etc.

All of this is to get you used to living in a structured way. Planning your day is a one of the tools you can use to help stay away from addictive substances.

I ended up making some really good friends in rehab.

Go. It can save your life. :l

Love,
Cindi

[magic]

Nothing is working, I'm out of control

CherBear,

I too have spent time in rehab. I have been sober since.

Like Cindi, rehab was a great experience for me, nothing at all like jail, more like boarding school. I didn't have to keep my room clean though!

The staff in rehab want to help you. Nothing to be afraid of.

It will be so good to get away and take care of you and only you.

This is a big step. Congratulations on taking it!

magic xxx

[toughintexas]

Nothing is working, I'm out of control

That's for sure a part of it, and I've said that alot....you have to change your habits, and structure is soooo much a part of it...you have to break the routine, get out, do different things, and if you can't do it alone, you have to put someone that understands and knows from experience in charge...let go, and let God...the folks there can help, I'm sure, and like I said, the day I can't talk myself out of changing my routine to handle things, I'll sure give the job to someone else!

[SpiritGirl]

Nothing is working, I'm out of control

Cher,

I am too new to give you the incredible insight that you have been given by Texas and Cindi, however, I want to thank you for this thread. You may be feeling very low right now (I've been there, and often times still AM there) but you are helping so many other people right now. And you should know that - you are making a difference in the lives of others (ME!!) by being so honest and forthright with what you are going through right now. By sharing your story and reaching out to this community you have given the rest of us who are struggling the chance to learn through you and through this thread. You are very special. You will succeed. My mom was a drug addict and alcoholic. At 12 years old I watched my mother get pinned against a wall by her boyfriend as he held a knife to her neck. I peed all over myself. I watched her shoot needles into her arms and she taught me to roll a joint at 9 years old. I know what it's like to watch the abuse. She died of AIDS (dirty needles). Thank goodness I never had the desire to experiment with drugs - just was never interested. And somehow I managed to not be much of a drinker until the last couple of years (during and since my divorce). I excelled in college and I am raising 3 kids (one is my step daughter who lives with me and I am putting her through college). My other 2 children are honor roll students and star athletes. My point is is that we are SURVIVORS. And we will continue to be. I am sure you are a wonderful mother. You are desperate to get healthy and that is the best thing you can do for your sweet daughter. Thank you for having the strength to reach out. Many of us our learning and benefitting from your honesty and outreach. You have so much to look forward to!! You WILL survive this - I can just feel it....:l

[angeleyes]

Nothing is working, I'm out of control

Wow, SpiritGirl, look at what you have overcome, and the great job you are doing with your children!

To tell you the truth, after I posted all that about the abuse I watched as a child I was a little embarrassed to have said all that, sometimes I feel like I say too much without thinking, and I didn't know if anyone else would be able to relate. I truly thought I had dealt with all of that stuff and had buried it deep, but it seems like the more I try to overcome this drinking problem, the more the past is coming up to haunt me. My doctor told me yesterday that unless you get to the root of the reason for the alcohol abuse, the problem will never GO AWAY. Sure, you can take Antabuse or whatever to get clean for awhile, but eventually, you will drink again, unless the root issue is addressed, and dealt with. I have no idea why it is that I drink, except that I am genetically predisposed to it, and it has been a habit for many many years. So I probably am going to spill a lot more shit before I will be able to move forward with any degree of success, I hope you guys don't mind listening!! As of right now, you are the only therapists I have!!

[jessie]

Nothing is working, I'm out of control

Hi CherBear44, my time in rehab was like a holiday - no worries or cares. As a matter of fact, they sedate you so much the first 5 days that you sleep most of the time. And for a weary and emotionally drained single mom with teens it was like heaven! As a matter of fact, I just caught myself sighing, I'd go back for those 5 days.
The rules were very reasonable - nobody objected and I think only the most anti social personalities will find a problem with it.
The food was plenty and good and you just sit down and eat. Another wow for a tired mum.
So you might end up enjoying it, who knows.
Jessie

[OneTooMany]

Nothing is working, I'm out of control

Cherbear ... How are you doing today? I was in an abusive marriage, and it is not fun. I made the decision to leave when my daughter was 3 mos old and he slammed me up against a wall while I holding my little girl. The decision to leave was the best I ever made. My daughter is happy, healthy and well adjusted today. I don't know where she would be had I stayed in that abusive marriage. We're here for you and listening. Believe me, more of us here can relate than you can imagine. :l

[hopeless]

Nothing is working, I'm out of control

hi i too am out of control drink a bottle of wine a nite try and have an odd nite off and sometimes succeed but can sometimes go up 2 2 bottles of wine a nite

[magic]

Nothing is working, I'm out of control

Welcome hopeless.......

But there is HOPE!! Always.

Keep on reading and posting. Reading and posting and reading.

magic xx

[Seacailin]

Nothing is working, I'm out of control

Sending u Hugs

I can relate to your feelings all too well. I gave up ten years of sobriety when my marriage began crumbling and my Mom passed away, all with a year, and guess what? The marriage still ended and it did not bring Mom back. I have no coping skills whatsoever. I know that AA is not for everyone, but I did learn an awful lot from that program.
Now 48 hours AF, still on meds for withdrawal. I plan to return to AA and use that in conjunction with this program. Never give up. It's Never Too Late.