Confident but scared

[nowandzen11]

Hi everyone, I am fairly new to this board and have been in and out, especially lately.

Today makes 6 days AF and I have no desire to drink. Probably b/c I have symptoms that are making me very aware of my body. I am almost sure it is that my body is detoxing but I have really hurt my body. I think the anxiety (big time anxiety) is part of the withdrawl.

I am not sleeping at night, I am nauseated but get hungry. The only things that don't make my stomach really sick after eating are toast, rice, pasta and a little bland chicken. I can't keep anything in my stomach. I am really tired. I feel flu-ish. My neck hurts and I have pains in my right side every now and then but less and less. I am not jaundice. I just feel nervous, sick and tired. I am drinking a lot of chammomile tea and it helps a lot. My bp is up. I have hypertension anyway and am on meds but it has been higher the past few days. I thought about going to work out b/c I feel a lot of pent up energy and anger but I am too tired to work out. I am drinking TONS of water.

Should I go to the steam room and sweat or not b/c I have diarrhea? Will I feel better? I don't want to call my doc b/c I am trying to get medical insurance and this will go in my chart. Isn't that terrible? I am trying to pay attention to my body and I feel deep down inside that this time I will make the changes that are necessary. I went to a friend's house on July 4th. Stayed overnite. Everyone was drinking- mostly mild to moderate but one person drank heavily. I drank water. I had NO desire to drink and hadn't even taken my supps. I was pretty disgusted by watching my friend drink wine from 1 pm (when I arrived) until 1 am (when I went to bed). It is amazing what you see and how you feel when you are amongst drinking persons and you are sober.

I love everyone here. I don't mean to not come around a lot but I have been trying to keep my life together, run my business and take care of my body as it rids of this poison. I am scared. What if I am really sick? I don't know what to do. Right now I am resting. I have to go somewhere at 2 and I am going to meditation at 4:30. I think that will help me b/c I am holding my breath and clenching my jaw.

Sorry this post is so long and thanks for enduring my crap. I just don't know what to do. I want to feel better and get on with my life- this time in a very healthy and productive manner. Can I hang in there and do it myself?

[4theboyz]

Confident but scared

Hello Now,

You have persevered through some of the hardest days of recovery and from my own similar experience, it should get better from here on out. *Do* go talk to your doctor!! I had the same concern over this issue in my permanent medical record and I simply discussed it with him "Off the record" which he was more than happy to do. I can't help much with your other questions other than to suggest you drink fluids with electrolytes to offset dehydration and keep eating good whole foods to keep your energy level strong.

Keep up the strength and courage to see this through and best wishes to you.

[wonderworld]

Confident but scared

Hey there Now-

Congratulations on your 6 days. That is AWESOME. You talked about anxiety being a withdrawal symptom and I TOTALLY agree and also feel that it's the very WORST part in the beginning. Your brain and Central Nervous System are in a panic without you-know-who and so the thoughts are so very agitated, and negative. Your mind is telling you scary stories non-stop, you know?

I found, as did many people I got AF with, that I turned a big corner at day 9 or 10. I bet the same will be true for you.

The sleeplessness is brutal. I could not exercise either, though like you I wanted to tire myself out. Warm showers/baths can help relax you. It's a good remedy to use as needed. Creamy soups were good for me too. Trashy magazines, movies, any mindless distraction. Lots of posting on MWO. Be gentle. The situation will feel very different a few more days down the road. I'm a meditator too and I think it's so smart that you're taking that action today (and brave!). I hope it's a peaceful relief.

Hang in there friend. You're just about through the very worst part. We're behind you 100%.

WW xox

[nowandzen11]

Confident but scared

Thank you so much

I have tears in my eyes. It is so good to know that I have the support of you. We have never met and we are scattered all over the world yet we are so connected in many ways.

To have found this forum was no coincedence and for that, I am greatful.

I will be around a lot, I promise and I hope it is smooth sailing but I will be ready for bumps.

I will also call my doc and see if we can talk "off the record".

I know I wrote that I really hurt my body and I am not sure if it is something serious. I guess only time will tell but I think my body is just in recovery and it has symptoms.

Thanks again and will see you soon

Love

[boozehag]

Confident but scared

Hang in there. The first week is the worst you will be on the up and up very soon. Be nice to yourself. You would be surprised how quickly our bodies recover. I would check with the doctor though just in case.
BH no more

[louise]

Confident but scared

Congratulations on your 6 days. You should be past the worst of it. The not sleeping, anxiety and restlessness are very common. If the upset stomach and other digestive issues do not go away soon I would definitely see your dr. as it may be something else and not just withdrawal.

[caysea]

Confident but scared

Hi No
Just a couple of things that I went through days 1-10 were the worst.Then it seemed to turn a corner and each day got easier in regards to the cravings and the war in your brain.My body was hurting also ,stomach, and the pains in my sides when I really went on a binge.It took over a month for my body to not hurt.Talking to the Dr off the record might be a good idea.I remember talking to you in the past about tennis.You were getting back into playing.How is that going?I found that getting back into a healthy lifestyle has been the key for me to stooping drinking.I now have the goal of getting back to were I had been in tennis[4.5] before really going down this road of al.It will be a lot of work but I am enjoying tennis the way I used to.It has taken over the place in my brain that was occupied by al
Stay Healthy and keep fighting

[nowandzen11]

Confident but scared

Day 7

Ok, the day is not over but I still do not want to drink. I get fleeting thoughts of drinking and am faced with some situations next week where al will be present. Part of me would like to have "A" glass of wine or "A" beer but I know I can't have one. I want more.

I woke up with a sore throat and am very tired. Calling my doc tomorrow.

I was playing tennis a lot but we are having a heat wave and it is in the triple digits. Not playing tennis lately. Will play next week when it cools off.

Thanks again for your support. I hope I am ok. I am still really scared.

[tlrgs]

Confident but scared

just try to stay positive and strong .. it will only get better as the days roll by .. and yes i would say go to your docs and get a check up and ask for help .. good luck

[nowandzen11]

Confident but scared

Made it

with no problem. I went to therapy today and felt crappy. I was telling my therapist about it and we discussed the heat as maybe one factor but not the only factor. She suggested I get some gatorade and stay with it for a few days. I did. I drank 32 oz and felt so much better. I did a lot tonite and now am in bed ready to fall asleep quickly ( I pray I do). I am very tired and sleepy.

Today is the first time I went to therapy and did not want to drink when I got home.


I am getting blood work on Friday morning and have a doc appt. next friday. I will keep doing good things for myself and hopefully I will feel better.

One thing- a friend called tonite and she was telling me about how she felt bad. She had almost the same symptoms as me. Her husband just got over a bug with similar symptoms. They do not drink.

Who knows? We will see.

[bestlifeldms]

Confident but scared

You are doing great! Congratulations! I can honestly say that after about 10 days things began to improve slowly. Yes, it really sucks! But, just think that your body is expelling all those nasty things (toxins) that are stored in your tissues and can potentially, down the road, cause serious health problems. Better out than in! Today is day 94 for me. I still notice random days here and there where wierd things are going on in my body. Yesterday, I had these sweats that made no sense. I smelled like a goat! Also, nasty taste on the sides of my tongue some days. You are right to intake an electrolite drink. And lots of water. I did a couple of hot baths each day with epsom salts, too. Be kind and loving to yourself. This too shall pass!

Hugs, Best

[Evie.Lou]

Confident but scared

I love the idea of Epsom salt baths...I used to do it regularly but then AL got in my way...I am busy fixing what I put in my mouth and now need to fix what I put on my skin...

[KBCE]

Confident but scared

Congrats! I see you are in California - are you near the fires? When I lived in So Cal (I'm 5th generation So Cal) and there were fires, I got sick - everytime - my whole life. Always started as flu like, allergy kind of thing....next thing you know I had bronchitis because of all the damn smoke in the air. Nothing like breathing orange air.... AUGH! Sounds like along with detoxing all the crap out of your body, you have a bit of a bug. Go to the doc.

Sending happy, healthy, positive thoughts your way! You really are doing great and should really be proud of yourself.

Kat

[nowandzen11]

Confident but scared

Better but

Here is the catch 22. When I feel better I think about drinking. I still am doing great and don't want to drink in the least but here is the deal:

I am a chef. I am meeting with different wineries that are good opportunities for me. I am also producing my own cooking show and it is growing so much. This Tuesday is a taping and now the epicurian writer for the Sonoma Sun (who also writes for the boston globe) will be there. The point is that there will be wine everywhere. Wineries are donating wine and everyone will be eating good food and drinking great wine. I want to be one of those people. How can I be? What do I do? Just decline? I do have a lot of work the next day so that can be an excuse. Do I need one? It will be very hard not to participate.

Doing great is one thing but now I guess I learn how to maintain.

[CS04]

Confident but scared

Lots of professional wine tasters sip and spit (as I am sure you know). Maybe try that, or just keep a sampling glass in hand, and when others ask, you've still got one. I've worked these events before too. I can imagine how hard it will be, but it sounds like a great opportunity. You can always use the excuse that everyone uses as other social events -- "I'm on medication." It doesn't matter if it is a social event or a wine tasting to boost your career. If you really were on medication and could not drink, it woudln't matter.

Hope that helps, and good luck! Is your show national or local?

Day 10 for me was a turning point too. Double digits! Hang in there and let us know how it's going.