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[dessislava]

Hi all,

I am not regular on the boards. I just need some advice. How come, after 7 month of complete abstinence I am drinking again! Not like before....just tell mi why is that possible after such a long time?

[dessislava]

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Thank you for the kind words. I am so strong, but ... there is always a ?but? I have got a new, fantastic new job and...

[Beck]

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Hi Dess,

I don't know why it happens either, but it does happen. The good news is that you are not drinking as you once did and you have abstained for 7 months. You know what to do to get yourself out before you spiral. I would add that you should join the daily abs thread and/or boozebusters (both under goals/monthly absitainence) for 30 days. Checking in often with a group helps a lot of people stay on track.

Be well,

[dessislava]

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I have always been very aware of myself. I am very much like my avatar. Finding it difficult to share with other people. I do appear to be confident, beautiful and happy... inside, o God!

[Beck]

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Dess,

I have shared things here I could never have done otherwise - we all get to be anonymous. It helps. I know how tough it is to go around with your insides and outsides not matching. I was happy, successful, mom, wife and yet I drank myself to oblivion often. most people didn't know what I was doing b/c it just didn't register that I could be in trouble. Just my 2 cents...

[DeeBee]

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I was just thinking how beautiful your avatar is .... pick yourself up Dessislava, you've done it before you can do it again!

[dessislava]

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Beck and One2, I would like to be able to share, there is this stigma that will always be whit me. I am from Eastern Europe, and although I have an incredibly successful carrier in UK for the last 20 years, I still regard myself as a second class citizen (how silly, I know)!

[charlee]

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Dess
IMO, I think it is possible to go back to the drink simply because that demon is always going to be lurking, no matter the length of sobriety. I believe I will never be cured, just able to manage on a day to day basis, knowing the choice is mine. I have to be ok with this in my head and for today, just today...I am.
I agree with Beck, you know what you have to do before this demon takes hold again. Hang in there, use the boards....we are all here for you....

[evie]

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Hi D!
Just want to say I'm in the UK and you are in no way a second class citizen! My boys go to a school where there are many people from East Europe there and to be honest with you it is lovely to experience all the variety of cultures , languages etc. The boys are much richer for going there. How boring if we were all the same eh?!
Take care Eviexx:l

[Beck]

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'No one can make you feel inferior without your consent"...Eleanor Roosevelt

[dessislava]

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Sharing is helping me so much. Thank you! I have never been a daily drinker, in fact never drinking during the week. Comes to the weekend ? no stopping for me! Bad habits from college years, relocation technique, who knows!

[Popeye]

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Hi Dessislava,

I too had a long period of abstinance. After a while I decided to try drinking again. I was OK for a while but then the old habits came creeping back. I knew what was happening but I found that the drinking part of me was taking control again. I had to make a serious effort not to get back into the way I was. I'm OK again, but not where I want to be. Whenever I drink, I feel that I could just keep on drinking and drinking. It's hard. My partner is excellent at subtly letting me know when things are catching up to me and as I worship the ground she walks on, I give myself that mental kick in the arse...

I lived in the UK most of my life and I have to say that some people can be horrible. (A problem born of ignorance I feel.) Your success shows you are anything but second class.
Like evie, I love the variety of cultures. I wish more people would start to consider themselves citizens of the world instead of isolating themselves from others. Anyway, that's another discussion.

Good luck!

[dessislava]

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You are all wonderful! I am not negative, just this niggling thing at back of mind.
Anyway, I am drinking hot water and lemon, and starting this wonderful job on Monday. I am confident that in no time I will be back to sobriety. I just can?t understand, WHY after such a long time AL is rearing its ugly head again?

[AAthlete]

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dessislava, I can only speak from my experience - and that experience tells me that the desire to drink will never be completely gone. My disease is a powerful one and will sit and wait for a situation or event to come up to challenge me (whether the event is good or bad).

You mentioned that you are a private person who does not share feelings, and that was a big downfall of mine. I too was a big weekend binge drinker who tried to carry the world's problems, as well as my own, on my shoulders. I internalized EVERYTHING, and it would eat away at me until I would need a drink to calm my mind. Once I learned to open up, express how I felt and get my problems out in the open as soon as they happened I found that I was able to find the calmness and serenity I was seeking.

My biggest challenge now is trying to keep my humility and not take my sobriety for granted. It would be easy for me to go back into my shell and I know where that will lead me. I know I will EVER be able to drink normally, and if I forget that I am in big, big trouble.....