failing sadly

[struggles]

I have not been here since I joined...However, my drinking has not changed. I still consume 10-20 light beers daily. A few weeks ago, my BF was involved in a accident which resulted in some serious damages. He called me and I was so out of it, I played it off as I could not come to the hospital since I did not have anyone to take the babies. I fell back asleep and he called later to have me pick him up and I was okay enough to do so...sober? who the hell knows.

He knows the reason I did not come and called me on it. It breaks my heart, but all I have done now is drink more...

I have the book, the cds, the supps.....no drive to take them, let alone exercise for 20 minutes.

Any advice?

[Lila]

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Hi Struggles,
I'm sorry to hear you are having a bad time. Are you taking Kudzu? Have you considered antabuse, topa et all?
Alcohol is supposed to be a depressant, and I am having a bad day myself, but there is a lightness in me now that it has been 5 days not drinking....it was my comfort...anyways you sound depressed.
I'm sure someone who knows more than me will write, too, but don't give up on yourself, you sound like you are on your way and ready to do what you need to do.
Lila

[mwo2]

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Struggles, How about if you just start with one thing, start taking the sups along with reading the book so that you understand the sups. Then as you start to feel better, the supps will help you go AF, you can start the cds. As your body and mind get healing you will feel the energy come back and then you can add the exercise. Baby steps and you can get there. Also just spend some time reading the threads let the words sink in and you will find the power to start.

Hope to hear from you soon.

[livingfree]

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Struggles -You may have to break your habit one hour at a time. Break it into 15 minute windows if necessary. Sometimes it takes ALL of your energy and focus to get some af days behind you ... then you will start building on success and feeling like you have more motivation to do this.

I can promise you it won't be easier if you "wait" until you feel like it. You just have to do it because you know "you have to do it".

Best to you

[KateH1]

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Struggles, How would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot? If you were in an accident and seriously injured and your BF could not be there because he was drunk? Then he lied to you? Who is taking care of your babies when you are "out of it"?

Do some really serious thinking......what do you want from your life? What do you want for your children? Then make a plan and begin to work that plan, one day at a time......one step at a time.

Best Wishes,
Kate

[cuckoosnest83]

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Struggles, one of my biggest fears during my heavy drinking was what if something happened to a family member and I couldn't be there because I was too drunk to drive or function. I don't mean to be harsh but I truly think this is a serious wake up call for you. What if it had been one of your babies? Please follow some of the advice posted and make a plan and start with one thing at a time. You will get a lot of support here. Take care and keep posting.

Cucks

[bestlifeldms]

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Struggles, I can empathise with where you are. Seems like I was there, not so long ago. What scares me more than your boyfriend needing you, is that you were there, in that condition, while responsible for your children. Now, that is frightening! I'm sure you have thought of this. Please! Please! Please! Take action now!

Hugs and support, Best

[daisy-doo]

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struggles so sorry to hear of your plight alchol robs us of our energy our dignity our raltional mind and much more. You know what you did was nto good but dwelling on it will ust send you further down that slippery slope. Take some time to reflect on what happened and like others sugguested lean form it make a plan and move forward. You have to do this for yourself alchol is a demon it does not care who it drags down. And remember it is also a depressant tkae the sups read the stuff and have faith thst it will work, please don't let it rod you of your babies and boyfriend . Good luck and keep us all imformed of how you are doing even if its bad we have been there

DD x

[AAthlete]

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Struggles, my guess is that you are drinking even more is to try and bury the remorse you feel for not being there for your BF, right? It's easy to get sucked into the endless cycle of guilt, self-pity and drinking and as KateH1 said you've got some serious decisions to make.

You've got access to the website, you've got access to the supps, and you've got access to the book. The choice is now yours and yours alone as to whether or not you want to get sober. Remember that alcoholism is a progressive disease, and over time almost always gets worse, never better.

As you mentioned, you've not been here since you've joined. Talking to people about the problems in your life (whether they are alcohol-related or not) can make a huge difference. I credit opening up to others and finally admitting my problem was THE turning point in my sobriety. Remember we are all here to help...

[DogLvr]

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Struggles - what helped me: whenever I felt the desire for a drink, I would make it a glass of water then go outside for a walk - even if only for 5 minutes - and that is sometimes all it would take.

I haven't taken any of the meds, but I think the L-Glutamine supplement is what helped control my cravings.

Good luck and try to get through today without any alcohol - think how much better you will feel tomorrow.

[struggles]

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Didn't make Day 1

I woke up early around 3am with the shakes and rapid heart beat. Took a xanax and went back to sleep. Got up again at 7:45am, showered, went to work. Sweats around 11am. Made it through until 5pm.

Began drinking and have consumed several beers. Promised myself I would not. I did not take the L-Glut...will it help now?

Tomorrow is another day....I am quitting now before I drink the whole 12pk.

Thanks to all of you....my priorities suck...I feel so MUCH guilt for everything...I swear I am unconciounsly trying to kill myself.....

Good night and tomorrow is at least 5 beers lighter than last!

[struggles]

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OH my GOSH

I just read what I typed.

I DID NOT mean thanks to all of you that my priorities suck, etc.

I meant, Thank you all and I am focused on what sucks and my emotions.

SORRY.. I did not mean to offend anyone.

drink, gulp, swallow.....shit! every time I feel bad, I drink!

[river0123]

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I've heard there are special angels just for children. . . I now believe there is a whole army of them specifically for children whose mother's drink too much. I am so ashamed of the many, many times I do not remember putting the kids to bed, or myself for that matter. I've woken up to check that they are still warm. Thank God and those special angels that my husband and I did not roll over them in our sleep when they were babies and shared out bed. So many of my friends are always racing to the emergency room (usually evenings) for the usual kid bumps and bruises. Knock on wood, I've never made a trip there, which is a lucky thing as I would have been too impaired to drive. I even managed to get the kids picked up for dances, school events, church so that I could stay near the liquor cabinet.

It is so liberating to know now that if I am needed somewhere, I can go and not worry about driving drunk (which I never did, I just stayed put). I remember every evening, every word said in my last 28 days AF, so that makes this struggle very much worth it! And it actually hasn't been as tough as I imagined. Sure, there were tough days, but keep checking back and you will find so much strength and support here.

Oh, and yes, the L-Glut does help even if you're already drinking. Before I started to try 30 days AF, I took that while I drank and I did cut down. But the last time I drank and didn't take it - Yikes. Begin of day one!

Be well, wishing you strength. :l

[AAthlete]

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You know, it is okay to forgive yourself....

It sucks to be in the position that you are - most if not all of us have been there. I know it's easy to say and hard to do but don't beat yourself up so badly. Wake up tomorrow, and just focus on it. The past is history and you can't do anything about it so try and let it go.

You can do it.....

[madge22]

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Hi Struggles... I am very new - just 3 days AF now. Sounds like you've hit bottom and are trying to figure out how to start working your way out. That's a really good sign! I'm guessing you don't like yourself very much at this point and you're in a spiral of depression, much of it brought on by alcohol and that feeling you've lost control. Been there! I am just beginning to learn that we have to learn to "live in the now"... as others are saying, that may just be the next 15 minutes when you reach for a sparkling water and cranberry juice or club soda or some chamomile tea instead of those beers... or you go do your nails for 15 minutes or put on some make-up... small choices that will help you see you can make choices. Each time you make a choice it will give you strength to make the next one and the next one. You say you have babies... have you talked to your doctor about post-partem depression? I had a friend who had two babies and had become quite depressed, couldn't sleep and was constantly tired and sleep deprived... it took years for the doctors to realize she had post-partem depression. Once it was treated, many of her other problems cleared. It's worth checking into. As others have said, lots of multi-vitamins, kudzu, milk thistle, etc. Add the exercise even 5 minutes at a time... just a short walk in the fresh air.