I am just a basket case

[Larisa]

I am just a basket case

Hey, Beth,

So glad you sound so much better on your last post. Sorry I missed the first round. You know I don't have any words of wisdom - I'm just drowning my sorrows in topa - but I'm here for you if you need me. Add me to that group hug, baby!!!

[sammys]

I am just a basket case

Hi Beth, just catching up around here and just want you to know I am here for you. I have similiar feelings at times about drinking and all the self questioning is so hard on the brain.


Take it easy and big smooch!!!

Sammys

[vera-b]

I am just a basket case

Hi Lucy,

Well, you've been given the entire gamut of advice - from explore your inner self to just stop. Imagine you really know what's the best route for you. I was a bit surprised on your last post that you don't visit here often. I've said it a gazillion times it seems, but I come here nearly every day and check in on the folks who share my greatest regret, my greatest challenge, my fondest dream. And just the act of reading, posting and peering into others' lives helps me sort out my own.

Would love to get to know you - don't be a stranger.

V.

[livingfree]

I am just a basket case

Hi Beth - I also am just catching up around here. I was once told "we do exactly what we want to do". I didn't believe it ... and it sounds cliche - but it is true. You see ... there is a part of you that doesn't want to quit drinking. The other part of you does. Which one wins? The one you give "control" to in the moment. That is the part of you that has to go away. You (the real you) has to decide. Then when the emotions step in and you (either the one that cry's to stop OR the one that wants to drink) starts to think of the "options" - the Real you steps in and says "I already decided this ... I am not drinking". This sounds strange but it really is true.

You WILL do exactly what you WANT to do. You are a very smart lady. You can see this through and set the emotions aside, and do what you know you REALLY want to do.

I know you can do this. You need to set aside all of the "solutions" and decide in your head that you are going to. You make a choice, and you stick with it for the first time. There is no such thing as a functioning alcoholic - only someone living day to day escaping total destruction.

I say this with all the love I can - as I was .... you. I have cried your exact words.

All of my hugs

[KateH1]

I am just a basket case

Beth,
Print out Living's post! It is the Honest Truth!

I also believe that the phrase "Functional Alcoholic" is a lie. It usually means that we are not homeless on the street with nothing and no family........at least for now. But, it is NOT Living.

Beth, we all love you.....you are so smart, you do know what to do!

Much Love,
XXX Kate

[SKendall]

I am just a basket case

Hi, I am so very sorry regarding your position right now. I know how much effort you have put into this fight for so very long. As you have posted, you do seem functional, but you have realized the next day that it was a black out.

Antabuse seems to work for you, but it is so temporary, and you know when to stop taking it to join the AL train again.

I know you to be an analytical personality, thus your career path, and I like you, analyze everything and think we can work this out.

This drinking problem is so much in our head, and if we can stop the "monkey" thinking, i.e. going from limb to limb with every problem, we can start to heal.

Be still. Meditate. It is difficult at first, but what do you have to lose? Find moments in your day and be with YOU. You are so worth it. Try again and again.

Love,

Hilary

[Theme2be]

I am just a basket case

The words read just hit home so powerfully.

From the day I arrived, my sincerity and determination was fueled by the book and a possible way out. I did it all. The book, the supp's and spent money on the TOPA that did not produce any results.
I have struggled to get free of , what feels like to me, just dipping my soul in gasoline.

Horrible. Vile. A torment.
Managing to hold on to job for I am of value. Just did something too riduculous to mention under this spell.
Right now trying to chemically keep enough of a balance so I am not close to the death like before. So many times , experiencing the withdrawl and saying this will be the last.
Then, I awake in the same scenerio and feel so worthless.

Struggling with a reason to continue.
I don't have children, or a significent other. Very isolated.

I am making again and attempt to jump start my heart in August.
Maybe this will be the time when I am in the moment and then can speak only words of encouragement.

I feel everyones pain.
My life has been frozen, no exchanges that evolve into beauty.

Hanging on like the rest.
I am here. I am present. I am who I am, waiting to be chisled out of the marble. Like Michealangelo said" He just freed what was already there" when he sculptured.

Waiting to be released.
Soon, I pray, because my liver hurts and other organs.

Bless you all~

[Dolly Sunshine]

I am just a basket case

You really do write beautiful posts. Never give up

[Lucy Van Pelt]

I am just a basket case

Hey guys...

well just an update..I am on day 3 on Antabuse. I feel much better BUT...I do realize that Antabuse is not a permanent answer. Livingfree, your words ring so true. Ultimately, whatever tools we use, we have to make a decision...a final decision that we are not going to drink...and not drink. I find that I have times that I feel that 100% committment, but then I waiver. The voice in my head tells me I want to drink, or lies to me about it being ok, or whatever, and then I cave. I don't know what that is. I know it has been referred to as the alcohol talking, or the beast talking, or whatever, but when I hear that voice I am convinced at that moment it is ME talking, and I give in to it. Can't seem to figure out how to deal with that one. I may have made a commitment to not drinking, but I feel like my brain is telling me I have changed my mind. Just wanted to share where I am in all this.

Anyway, at least for now, I am buying time on the Antabuse while I try to work this out...not sure what else to do. I can be soooo commited to so many other decisions in life, but this one is throwing me for a loop.

In either case, I am happy to be on day 3, which is highly unusual for me.

With Love

Beth.

[CS04]

I am just a basket case

Beth, thanks for helping me to not pick up the AL today. Finances are in the sitter and I don't want to think about it. I'm pretty upset. But I am goin to TRY to get thru this evening. Making dinner, which I am about to go do, is a big trigger for me.

[Lucy Van Pelt]

I am just a basket case

I hope you made it thru the night CS04...I am on to day 4..thank God!!

[livingfree]

I am just a basket case

Hi Beth ... I totally understand. I was exactly where you are ... for to many years to count. I would be so firm in my decision in the morning - but by 4 o'clock I would be giddy and planning my evening of "relaxing". It is crazy ... these brains of ours.

The early days of not drinking just have to be fully consumed with NOT drinking. It's like you have to pour the same energy into NOT drinking that you did drinking. I'm sorry to say I had to pour this kind of energy into being AF for months. But just ending my 7th month - It honestly is so much easier. But I stay diligent to being free. I don't know at what point I won't have to stay committed ... I'll just BE. That is the goal.

Antabuse - or whatever it takes. Just get some time under you - and know that you can not, will not and choose not to drink alcohol

Just a suggestion - when that time of day rolls around - make yourself a good tasting cho. protein shake. It really helped me to cut the craving. Don't know why. Here is the recipe I use:

In a blender mix:

Raspberry club soda (diet variety)
1 scoop of chocolate whey protein powder (I like American Whey from Amazon)
1 packet of raspberry crystal light
handfull of ice
handful of fresh raspberries

Tastes great - only 110 calories and helps chase away the "I feel cheated" feeling of the early evening.

Best to you sweets

[Accountable for Me]

I am just a basket case

:l to you Beth. You are doing great! Keep on going!

[southernbelle47]

I am just a basket case

:l Beth
This is hard isn't it?
I went to bed last night with hubby who had several and had offered to go get me some while sitting outside.
I said no but faught it.....

I'm just so tired of feeling weak and let down when I give in...

There is nothing stronger than beer (his drink of choice) in our house.
It is better that way as I am not tempted as it takes too many to get numb.

There is so much pain in life and we who feel it have to look for other ways to calm that.

Keep searching...it's within each of all of us to be free.
Love
:hNancy

[KateH1]

I am just a basket case

Beth,
So happy that you are getting back on track! Alcohol addiction (perhaps all addiction) is the craziest thing. We hate it, but we are convinced that we cannot do without it. Even though the experience always ends the same way, feeling bad, at times feeling physicly ill, we always believe that the "next time" it will be different. I wonder if medical science will ever come up with answers as to how, who, why and when this addiction happens?

Until, then, we have to use whatever works for us. Antibuse may not be a long term solution, Beth. But what is a long term solution? It would seem that the answer to that question will always remain the same, Today I Will Not Drink.

Much Love,
Kate