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    #1

    Need help

    I will make this brief since it is 8:26am and I have had no sleep thanks to drinking last night and then sleeping for 2 hours and waking up. I am thinking of Rehab and or counseling for alcohol dependence. This is really getting out of control and affecting my job. The prob is I have a 12 year old daughter and a job...(which I will lose if this continues) ...i can't just go off to detox,... I haven't taken Topa cuz I tried it years ago for other reasons and think it made me nuts. I haven't stopped drinking for more that one or 2 days in a row in the past year...so campral won't work I dont know what to do.I have tried hypno, accupuncture, yoga , meditation (not lately)...my self esteem is crap. I look like shit. Where the hell is my willpower and resolve? I feel like i am possessed and ME is gone. Replaced by this robot. I don't know what to do. I am drinking 4 to 5 glasses of wine per night,. Every night I trick myself into having one and then of course the cycle begins. I am afraid I can't stop. I think my antidepressant effexor is actually making me crave alcohol ( i have read that they do this) but if i stop taking that i can't function. I know i need to make some serious lifestyle changes. I am very unhappy and confused as to what the hell i am doing. I am afraid if this continues I am going to damage my mental health even moreso than it already is. I am really hating life right now,

    A
    :upset:
    Tags: None
    #2
    Need help

    Wow, Amethyst, this is really difficult. I'd strongly suggest AA and Antabuse just to get you some quick, inexpensive, outpatient breathing space and support, so you can get your strength back and your head together. And also spending a lot of time here, getting support and maybe developing a good solid plan for ongoing recovery...

    I got some really good help from AA years ago... I have some quarrels with some of the stuff I hear there, but hell, nothing is perfect and they can REALLY help you when you are in a big jam.

    best wishes,

    wip

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      #3
      Need help

      thanks

      how can i get antabuse?

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        #4
        Need help

        You can get it most quickly from a physician, or much more slowly if you order it online, I think you can get it from that River Pharmacy place... Depending on what city you are in, and your resources (health insurance, or not?) you might be able to go to a free clinic or a community mental health clinic... Probably the best solution is if you have a good relationship with a primary care doc of your own, to get in ASAP, tell them it is urgent, and get a prescription there (they will want blood work)... also, usually in any AA group there are people who know where you can get it...

        best wishes,

        wip

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          #5
          Need help

          Amethyst I like the advice WIP already gave. I just want to reach out and let you know I'm rooting for you. And also second the motion to see your doctor if you can. I know these issues can be sensitive WRT health insurance and employers and all that. But there ARE resources out there and WIP is right - someone in your local AA would probably know exactly what's out there for you.

          Especially since you are already on a prescription med, I suspect it would be best to work with a doc re: antabuse or any of those meds? Just not sure about mixing them on your own. I sure have read a lot of success stories around here about antabuse as a day to day "drinking deal breaker" to help you though the start of this.

          Best wishes to you...wish I could think of more ways to help...or better yet wish I had a magic wand!!!! Hang in there.

          DG
          Sobriety Date = 5/22/08
          Nicotine Free Date = 2/27/07

          One day at a time.

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            #6
            Need help

            This is just my experience, but an AA meeting could help out...

            I remember when I first walked into one, I wasn't judged and I wasn't spoken down to. I was in a room of people just like me who had experienced the same things I had. It was a comforting thought and really helped lessen my obsession to drink almost immediately...
            Sobriety Date: June 15, 2007 -- "It's not having what you want, It's wanting what you've got...."

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              #7
              Need help

              I don't know if this is an option for you, but I have a friend who is going to a intensive Out-patient program and he really like it. It's at night, so he has his sister watch his daughter so he can go after work 4 nights a week.
              Hang in there!
              _______________
              NF since June 1, 2008
              AF since September 28, 2008
              DrunkFree since June 1, 2008
              _____________
              :wings: In memory of MDbiker aka Bear.
              5/4/2010 In loving memory of MaryAnne. I pray you've found peace my friend.
              _______________
              The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.ray:

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                #8
                Need help

                My heart goes out to you...it's so hard sometimes, and you feel like you're never going to win. Everyone had some really good advice. Like AAthlete mentioned, AA might be a good avenue for you..I've never been to a meeting, but it helped my father. He has not had a drink in over 10 years, it was a great success to him. I am always here; and so is everyone else when ever you need a helping hand.

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                  #9
                  Need help

                  Hi Amet,

                  There are some good suggestions re: drugs here - if/when you're talking to your Dr. I wouldn't rule out Campral. I started taking it about a year ago, and my Dr. said it would help the physical cravings. It did. I felt it was a miracle at the time. The only bad part was I relied 100% on my "magic" pill, and did nothing to address my drinking mind or seek the advice of others who looked good on the outside and were struggling on the inside.

                  That's when I found MWO and the cd's and book (I'm still on the Campral, take supps and exercise regularly) together with this site have had a very positive effect. I know I must be vigilant always, and will never claim "victory" (that's about the time my head says it's ok to drink - don't really have a problem afterall). But for now, am enjoying sobriety. The campral was a component, as topa is in RJ's program.

                  V.

                  p.s. One of the reasons I was prescribed Campral was because very low incidence of side effects.

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Need help

                    You're not alone

                    Hi,
                    Just wanted to say that I can relate to your first post too well. I am struggling too, and also don't know how, all of a sudden, this has gotten such the best of me. I never thought that I would have so little control. My mind is always arguing with myself--"you can do it", vs, "I'll start tomorrow". I don't know how many here have been so successful. I ordered the
                    starter kit" at this site. Right now I am annoyed, because they charge a fortune for shipping, and don't seem to be shipping it very quickly. I need help now! Keep posting here, because it really helps to know that one is not alone!!!

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Need help

                      I wonder if you should try another anti-depressant. There are many out there! If Effexor somehow doesn't help with your being AF, you should ask your Dr.

                      Just a thought, but hang in there!
                      Sometimes you have to take the leap and build your wings on the way down... Anais Nin

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                        #12
                        Need help

                        only time i thnk i agree with athelete,its cost free,lots of advice,or somthin he forgot,in my delema,i was admitted ti a sanitarium,and in there it really started to make sense,the words and lines jumped out at me,and i wasnt on depressents either,that my freind is where your gonna end up,not scare u ,and you dont want that,always go to chat ,i no i did a few times and just had some fun and answered my self, mt sound odd but it was entetaining hahahhah good luck gyco

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                          #13
                          Need help

                          forgot the big book

                          Comment

                            #14
                            Need help

                            hi again

                            To Nurse in Distress I am a nurse too. Somehow just for today I found the resolve to abstain,,..might be the shit night I had last night, though that usually hasn't stopped me before. I also mentioned something too my mom about needing to go to some type of group cuz i was feeling depressed anxious and alone in the house during the nights lately and she surprisingly said she had been meaning to talk to me about it. She apprently noticed I was out of it last Saturday night when she came by unexpectedly and i had been drinking and had had an argument with my daughter. She knows of my probs and struggles with depression and being a single mom for 10 years and alone. But it embaressed me that she may have noticed I was drunk. I can't come clean to her about just how much i have been drinking cuz she will use it agianst me later. She has enough experience with addiction since my brother has an ongoing 10 year battle with drugs. But still...I guess it's a pride thing. An "i can take care of myself thing" I so want to be a good mom and my mom was not the greatest mom to me and not someone i want my kid to be around too much. SO this should be my motivation to stop, but it's the ole....I can handle it voice which always screws me.
                            Anyway, I am going to talk with my dr about antabuse. I brought out my supply of campral i bought online months ago and think it and my resolve did something for me today, (*if it is placebo effect i don't care) Also i started up on the l-glut i got off that river pharmacy again. So i feel more in control. I just hope this lasts...i want to go af. no time limit. as long as i can. maybe a month or 2. i don't want to be in this hell anymore. i am thinking of perhaps going to AA even if its just to get myself jump started. Thanks for all your support

                            Please pray for me. I am going to dig into a good book tonight and know tomorrow will be a better, more productive day


                            :thanks:

                            Comment

                              #15
                              Need help

                              Amethyst,
                              I understain the pain you feel. We all do. There aer a number of us who are going to do AF for August. I mentioned trying another 30 days on the 1-30 htread, and Lukalee started a thread as well. Why don't you join us, and we will all be there together? Before I have been scared, but for some reason I don't feel (as) scared this time.

                              Also, take the meds if they help you- but check with dr before mixing. Esp with AD.s you could some serious complications.

                              I know you want to make better choices - we all do. Good for you for Day 1!

                              xoxo
                              CS

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