Finding it incredibly hard to quit...

[Danos]

Hi,

My name is Dan. Hopefully someone here has some advice or suggestions for me, as I know Im in a bad place right now and I really need a change before its too late.

Ive been drinking since I was 15, both my parents are alcoholics, and although Im not trying to make an excuse it certainly didnt help. I used to abuse alcohol so much during my late teens, I was locked up many times, I ended up in hospital 16 times with alcohol poisoning and 1 time I actually coded out. Going to a party and drinking a bottle or more of spirits, then waking up in the intensive care ward wasnt such a shock after a while.

I did get myself together to a point that I stopped drinking so hard before I killed myself, but I didnt stop drinking. I continued to get drunk all the time, always making a complete fool of myself and hurting the people I loved in the process. I blew a number of great opportunities, and lost a lot of good friends in the process. In 2003 I found an outlet and a passion in mountaineering and rockclimbing, and it has been my life ever since, but I still havent been able to stop drinking.

Which is what bothers me the most. I can find the discipline to wake up at 2am, after 3 hours sleep, and push myself physically to the limit without food or water for 24hours or more, but I cant walk by a liquor store without buying something. I get drunk and wake up the next day feeling like crap, swear I will stop drinking 'this is the last time', and of course the next day I'm back in the same liquor store. I know I need to be at my physical peak to do what I do, but I willingly am tearing myself down by drinking.

I started smoking when I was 16, and quit cold turkey very easily when I was 20 mainly for the fact I didnt want to die of lung cancer. Im totally aware of the range of ways alcohol can kill me, but still for some reason I keep going back to it. I make all the excuses I know everyone has made... drink to celebrate, drink to drown the sorrows, drink to relax etc etc. The fact that I know that I want to quit, and that I need to quit, but still keep letting myself drink, is driving me crazy.

I am 25 now, and in 10 years the best I've been sober is 2 months, which ended in an insane bender that almost cost me my life. Ive tried to quit drinking long enough now to know I cant do it alone.

Hopefully someone has a few words of advice, but if not thanks for reading my story and I wish you the best with your own journey.

Sincerely,
Dan.

[bloggy]

Finding it incredibly hard to quit...

Dan

You don't mention if you've tried AA?

I haven't because I don't really feel it's for me and besides that the nearest meeting is 60 miles away from me but I guess I would have tried if it had been nearer- but it does seem to work for some.

Other than that I can't say much- there are loads of people here who are doing really well, and I am sure before long you will get advice from them.

I stopped smoking with Allen Carr's Quit Smoking book- I have just ordered his Quit Alcohol one, so here's finger crossed. Will keep you posted.

[A Work in Progress]

Finding it incredibly hard to quit...

Danos, good that you are here! Since you've been in and out of clinics and hospitals, I am sure you know about Antabuse... it can be a really good way to force yourself to get totally de-toxed for a good period of time, at least a month or two, while you put into place other tools of the MWO program, and get your mind/brain, emotions, straightened out...

best wishes,

wip

[Popeye]

Finding it incredibly hard to quit...

Hi Danos,

Glad you found us.
I was also a very heavy spirit drinker and have almost drank myself to death more than once.
I know what you mean about willpower and walking past a liquer store. The hardest part about quitting booze for me is beating the initial temptation of actually buying it. It becomes a habit, but a malicious, self-destructive one of the worst kind. Keeping myself otherwise occupied is another thing that keeps me sane. If I want a drink and I sit and let the feeling fester, I become so obsessed with it that I almost always cave and go get some. If I'm busy then my mind will let go of the craving and pass on to other things.
Finding a passion for mountaineering and rock climbing is a wonderful thing. You're young and still fit. Think of the many years of fun and adventure ahead of you if you don't let alcohol ruin your chances.
Anyway, I look forward to your posts and would be very interested to hear of your climbing exploits.
Good luck to you.

[DogLvr]

Finding it incredibly hard to quit...

Dan - I would recommend the supplements they suggest - L-Glutamine has been really helpful for me to curb my cravings and I'm also taking the super multi-vitamin and kudzu sometimes. If it's not so much the cravings but a ritual/habit of walking into the liquor store - I'd change your route so you don't even pass by it. I've also found that carrying around a bottled water or energy drink can stave off any pressure I get from friends.

This is a great community of people who are all fighting the same thing you are, even if it's at different levels, and reading the posts is a good way to keep focused.

Good luck!

[4theboyz]

Finding it incredibly hard to quit...

Hello Danos,

At 25 your are still invincible man! But it sounds as though you have been through more crap than many twice your age and you are starting to realize that enough may be enough. Just as I'm sure you wouldn't risk rock climbing in sandals or mountain biking with bald tires, you may want to view your own health and well being in the same way.

Addiction is a bitch and will not ever go away unless you really want it to. Quitting AL in all it's alluring glory is tough and full of ups and downs. If you really want to do this, you will find great support here to help you not only with the cravings and separation from the booze but also with warm support to help you square your mind to being AF.

I hope to see you around and in good form bro, good luck!

4tb

[gustajoe]

Finding it incredibly hard to quit...

We're in this together

danos,
I've been "watching" this site for quite some time now and now in my heart we are all sent here for a reason. Part fate, mostly self control but together we can all get through it. I have had times when I finish off an entire 5th of vodka and then buy a new one for replacement so family won't realize how much I am drinking. Like they don't know anyway! No specific advice on supps or vitamins since I am just starting. I too came from a family of AL and always seem to blame my problem on genetics. May be some factor but realized today after looking in the mirror, no guts, no glory. Stay with us. Everyone here shares something similar.

[Determinator]

Finding it incredibly hard to quit...

Dan, big welcome to you and well done on being so open with us. We have been there...believe me.
Ditto on the advice to download and read the book. Poke around here...lot's of great material. we even have live chat which I really enjoy.
i wish that I had pulled my head out of my bum when I was 25. I'm 38 and only just now getting this figured out.

[Thankful]

Finding it incredibly hard to quit...

Danos ~ Welcome! You have already received such a great deal of wonderful advise that I really don't have to much to add.

But I do want to thank you for sharing your story. I guess I have to ask (with you being in and out of hospitals) what has not worked for you specifically? Have you tried certain meds? Have you ever considered supplements? They are a huge part of this program and many, many members swear by them.

I too wish I had your insight at the age of 25. You are way ahead of the game by seeking a healthier and happier way of life than many of us here. Glad you found us.

Best of luck to you. We are here for you.

Love, Me
:l

[shirazgirl]

Finding it incredibly hard to quit...

Rise to the strength within, fall to weakness that preys, time and time again, we will pick you up without judgment and with strong arms. Just have the confidence if need be to fall....and the confidence to know that we are a million strong reached out to pick you up and put you back on your feet,, no matter what....time an time again.

[Danos]

Finding it incredibly hard to quit...

Thank you so much to everyone, your replies really mean a lot to me.

To answer a couple of questions I havent tried any suppliments etc, as I honestly havent been really serious about quitting before. It came and went as a passing thought that I shouldnt be drinking so much, but this is the first time Ive really decided I need to stop. I havent tried AA and I honestly dont think it would be right for me.

I resisted the temptation to get some drinks tonight, as its Friday night here in Australia and Im usually great at justifying getting drunk today. Very small step but its a start.

Thanks again,
Dan.

[bloggy]

Finding it incredibly hard to quit...

Wow Dan

I think that is a huge step.

I am going to start with the kudzu again- before it seemed to 'stop working for me' after a few days but I think maybe I was not taking enough.

Might be an idea to order some to help with the cravings?

Let us know how you are getting on.

[paula]

Finding it incredibly hard to quit...

Dan, I too wish I'd realised I had a problem at your age, good for you for admitting it.
I thought AA was not for me but I attend meetings, and get so much support. I also
spoke to my doctor, and he reffered me to a counsellor, who prescribed campral for
me, which so far has taken away the cravings. I also depend very much on MWO.
Keep on trying and you will beat this beast.
Paula,

[gyco]

Finding it incredibly hard to quit...

wow,you sound like me,isnt that the story,and im 55,it is a vicious circle,some say we arent,but im coming to the conclusion we are,SPECIAL PEOPLE,am i being sarcastic,well i guess i am,hope this helps Dan,i from my drinking ended up in a sanitarium this March,finally made me think,30 dys later,and now its been 4months after my stay,were unique,theres only millions of us,and theres billions of them,we drink to numb the pain from life around us,and everyone around us think were crazy,we numb are sleves to escape reality around us to releive the crap that we see going on in this world,we tend to beleive were different,because we beleive everyone that tells us that we do stupid things when were drinkin,cause we dont remember,because we hide the pain inside us,and live with it because THEY dont understand,somthing went wrong in our lives at one time,and we get numb,with alchohol,some of us are even fortunate like me,the doctors that help you give us somthin to numb the pain, for free,valuum,oxy cotin and now even meth,wow and we think theres somthing wrong with us,last one,when i was in my last week, we all watched a movie,and thot another show,but this show was special and really made ME think,a Doctor was xplaining about an operation and how your put under,either or what ever they use,if taken to much you die,2nd,we use cough medicine for our kids,maybe you dont have none,well,he took a glass,filled an 1,5 oz shot,ice cubes,seven up and an umbella and said next time you want a drink,try it,and thats the stuff we give our kids,no wonder they go to sleep,last but not least most Doctors in Canada arent educated enuff to treat alchoholism,up to 1988 there was only one univercity in Canada that spent time on teaching there students,University of Britishcolumbia,i could go on and on,just tryin to share,hope i helped Dan,i think were all here for you gyco

[Danos]

Finding it incredibly hard to quit...

Thanks again for the encouragement On the way to placing an entry into Saturday lotto (I know thats bad as well), I had to pass a liquor store but refused to go in. I'm pretty pleased with myself, and although it is still early afternoon and I could let myself make excuses as to why I should go get some, I'm pretty determined not to do it.

I have been able to start trying to be AF a number of times in the past, but its day 4/5 where I always seem to run into trouble, when I've been sober just long enough to fool myself into thinking I can control myself and justify 'this time wont be so bad'. I'm hoping I can push through because I know when I'm brutally honest with myself and cut the ****, never drinking again is what I really want.

I'm so glad I found this website, being able to talk to other people who are in the same boat is really helping. And some of the things I've seen written by other people could easily have been written by me. I have a long way to go still, but day 2 is the best I've gone in a long time.