Now What?!

[Red]

Two days ago I returned home from vacation with my husband. The night before we left while lying in bed he announced to me that he is still very much in love with his ex. We have been married for 5 years (5 good years.....i thought) Now all I want to do is get trashed! We don't live in the same state as his ex, but my husband has made trips back to her home state without me. When I questioned him, he told me that nothing ever happened. My mind has been racing ever since. Why tell me now after all these years? Or, has something happened more recently that he's trying to cover up? I dunno... I have been moderating trying to go AF up until now. But now I don't know what to do..............

[akgirl]

Now What?!

Hi, not that I'm any authority at all, but getting trashed will not help or change anything that's for sure. Only make you feel worse. Stay strong. Remember, you can't drown your problems cause when they're really bad....they can swim Stay here and draw support until you know more. Good luck to you:l

[akgirl]

Now What?!

Stay mod girl!!!!!!:h

[nancy]

Now What?!

Sure it's tempting to turn to booze for a crisis, we all know that. But this is only going to make you feel worse. If it's true that he is really in love with her, you will need to start a healthy new life for yourself, built on self-esteem and self-control. But it's too early to say what is going to happen with him. You need more information.

If anything, you should try a period of abstinence while you go through the crisis so you don't get out-of-control emotional and say something to him that you will regret later.

Take care.:l

[Noelle]

Now What?!

I'm sure I'll get trashed for saying this but......if he's laying in bed with you saying he still loves his ex.......then he's an a**hole. However, this won't make it easier for you, will it. Ya know? Get drunk for today........cry and let it all out. Then see what you can do to find out what's going on. And then, go AF to get your shit together. You know he's an a**wipe. Sorry.......been there..........

[maxman]

Now What?!

all drinking is gunna do is givve you a hangover, drinking is only going to suppress your feelings, numb them then you will still have to deal with them tomorrow with a headache, you are not the one who deserves to feel like shit, he is

[greeneyes]

Now What?!

Noelle, get yourself to bed! :H

Red, I am in the midst of an enormous marital issue. Light years past you. The only way I can manage what I am doing is that I am AF for nearly 60 days. All you want to do is ease your pain and trust me, it will only make it worse. You have enough emotions running rampant without adding all the bad AL stuff like shame, guilt, depression, etc. When you are sedated by AL, you cannot "read" your own feelings and instincts, thus interfering with your life navigational skills. Try very hard to navigate this AF

[A Work in Progress]

Now What?!

I totally agree with GreenEyes and Nancy. You need a clear head and emotional stability to deal with this. Getting drunk "just once" will only lead to getting drunk again... and again... and will make this bad situation much, much worse. Please know that the idea of "getting drunk" in the face of a marital (or any other crisis) is NOT in any way recommended within the MWO program, nor by its members... when they are in their right minds... N. was doing you no favors by telling you to drink.

What does your husband want to do about his "being in love" with the ex? That is really the next question; and the other next question is: do you want to be married to him, given his feelings, regardless of his plans.... what do YOU want to do?

best wishes,

wip

[DeeBee]

Now What?!

You have been given great advice and I have to agree with all who said that it is NOT a good idea to get plastered!! It will only delay you dealing with your feelings and will make you feel worse in the morning!!

Stay strong!!

[Cinders]

Now What?!

Red,

I do want to add to what all have been saying. Drinking will only make this worse. I know the feeling. Your mind is racing, you are probably in a panic and hurting mode. It does seem like AL can help. Well, it might for about 10 minutes, then it will all go downhill from there, and very quickly.

You will be much more apt to say and do the completely wrong thing when drunk. Hmm. Been there done that, know it well. Had marital issues with hubby a few years back and whenever I drank, I would say and do things that made the issues worse.

Go to a doctor, if you must, and get a SHORT TERM med to help, if you are in really bad shape physically. Best if you can forgo but better to use something to get you through the initial stages without alcohol. I did that once and it worked well. My very conservative doctor only gave me 4 days worth of Xanax. Enough to get me through the initial pain without letting me get hooked.

Just a thought.

Best of luck with this. I am so sorry you are going through it.

Love,
Cindi

[Arial]

Now What?!

Hi Red,

Time and time again we've all proved that drink doesn't help - only makes situations worse, so tempting as it seems to get blotto/hide/escape - all that we've used alcohol for in the past - please try not to! Sounds like there's a lot of talking to be done between you and your husband before you can make any decisions, and it will be so much better if you have a clear head. We're always here, so come back when you need!

Good luck :l
Arial

[jane jane]

Now What?!

Red! What a nightmare! But...there's a reason she's his "ex," right? And a reason he chose you? Don't give up yet, keep communication calm and open, and for goodness' sake, DON'T show him your weakness by getting sozzled! You need a clear head for this crisis, girl! This is war! Best of luck, and I pray ol' Romeo sees that his ex isn't all that great after all! (What kind of tramp would slip around and meet him, knowing he was married to another?)

[Starlight Impress Forever]

Now What?!

No way, Red........he isn`t in love with her as in the here and now.........he`s in love with her as she was when they first got together, when it was all special and romantic and new..........silly fool that he is!!!
And........sorry, but, I do think he is one heartless b****** for saying such a thing to HIS NOW WIFE.......a couple of lessons in tact and diplomacy would serve him well.

Don`t drink over this.......no man or woman is worth doing so over!!!

Chin up and.........love yourself loads!!!!

Darling x

[Doggygirl]

Now What?!

Hi Red. You've already gotten great advice about NOT drinking, and also about figuring out what YOU want to do in addition to understanding what your husband has in mind. I just wanted to post to say I think I understand how very much this hurts, and it's also potentially a HUGE upset to the rhythm of your life - who wants to go there??? Completely sucks. Been there - and at a drinking time in my life when I DID turn to AL in a big way. Let me tell you, AL will NOT help you at all with a solution to this problem. Not one time or 100 times with AL.

Nothing in life is so bad that drinking won't make it worse.

I hope you can find a way to sort this out while sober. I really do believe that will produce the best outcome possible.

:l
DG

[Lila]

Now What?!

Red
OOOOhhh awful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Too awful!
I would go to a doctor, I would. Was that Cindi's advice? I totally agree. Sometimes it is hard to stay strong, I know I know.
You take care of yourself! The best care you can.

Lila