Lost

[Heyme]

I first tried the MWO program three years ago or so. I was never AL free, but did cut down on the drink. I drink vodka--I'm drinking some now and it's 3 in the afternoon. I don't normally drink until after 6--at least I try. I drink nightly to the point of not remembering going to bed, not remembering what I said or did. I work at a law firm as a paralegal. I know drinking is affecting my work. I make mistakes, but mostly it's my memory of doing things such as sending letters to clients or filing something online. My relationship with my husband has not yet been affected, but I know in time it will. I wish I could count on him for support, but as of now, he doesn't think I have a problem. I am truly scared that I'm going to lose all that is important to me due to poisoning myself everyday. I don't know how to stop. The saddest thing is is that I don't want to stop. I am at the verge of losing my mind and I truly don't know what to do. They say that drinking is a choice you make--I don't think that's true when alcohol has this kind of grip on a person. Thanks for listening.

[LookingToGrow]

Lost

Welcome back to the program!

[tlrgs]

Lost

welcome back .. you are taking the right steps by asking for help .read the book again and post any or of your question.. just know you are not alone and we are here for you ..stay strong and think positive

[periwinkle]

Lost

heyme,

I can really relate to a lot of what you said. You are here and that is what is important for now.

About alcohol being a choice, I believe that it is fo some, but not for others.

You said that you know you need to quit but you don't want to quit. I think that is a shared sentiment with all of us here. But you are reaching out so it seems that you know something isn't working out the way you want it. What a great step in the right direction!

I am really glad that you are back this is such a good support system.

periwinkle :l

[startingover]

Lost

Welcome back Hey. I always find it quite amazing the amount of husbands who dont think their wives have a problem. Mine didnt and I know loads of others who say the same. Many times I think it is just a fear of change for them. However, that doesnt help us much when we want all that support. You have made a big leap by coming back here. Through reading and posting things will begin to resonate with you, you will find comfort in something someone says and the strength to try something new. Just stay with us, you have done well just by writing your first post.

[BecomingMeAtLast]

Lost

Hey hey,

I'm way up here in the Adirondacks. The weather is beautiful out, the leaves are changing and all I can think about is...

I want a drink
I want a drink
I want a drink

I hope you feel better soon, welcome back :l

[vlad]

Lost

Welcome back Heyme!

[Chacha]

Lost

Hang in!

Welcome back...I just discovered this site and am completely with you.
Baby steps right?

[boozehag]

Lost

Welcome back
It might be a good idea to initially not think about whether you want to give up or not. If its affecting your memory and your work etc then you could try to focus on dealing with that for a start as you would if you had migraines or something like that you could decide to follow the MWO program for a month as a trial maybe trying for 30 days AF and then see how you feel. You might just find that in a couple of weeks you feel so good that you want to continue with it. As they say one day at a time.
BH

[SKendall]

Lost

Heyme, Welcome back. Stay with us for a while.

[vera-b]

Lost

Welcome back Heyme,

You can take some comfort knowing that the MWO program helped you before, and it can help you again. Perhaps now would be a good time to pull out RJ's book and give it a re-read. Did you take meds or supps or listen to the cd's? Personally I got a lot out of the cd's, as the constant message to the subconcious that drinking to excess is just not me - doesn't look like me, doesn't feel like me - was very powerful. Of course we'll be with you on your journey. Sounds like the best time to start is now.

Vera-b

[Seto]

Lost

Hi Heyme
Just wanted you to know I totally understand where you are coming from. I have recently gone back to work and realised my memory is not how it used to be. I have found myself making a few mistakes that I would never usually make. It is quite frightening how AL slowly starts to affect us. I joined MWO 3 years ago and since then AL has slowly taken its toll on me. Physically looking tired and bloated, mentally well tired and useless. My drink of choice is wine, strong white wine and lots of it. I have recently found myself drinking earlier than usual too, normally I would start at 7 pm ish but on my days off have been starting sometimes as early as 5 pm. My husband is working nights so he doesn't even know of this and the guilt is driving me mad. I too am not sure whether I am strong enough to give up or if now is the right time. I don't want to reach rock bottom to realise I have to change. Maybe we can help each other. Slow baby steps as they say. XXXSeto

[Seacailin]

Lost

Hello and Welcome Heyme
I agree with the others, who have said give the book another read. I think it is important to develop a plan. Give yourself a good 30 days AF, and then u can decide whether or not you can Mod. You will feel great and be able to think clearly. Believe me, I know how hard it is to stop. I have stopped numerous times, only to fall back into it for some stupid reason. Any excuse. AL is obviously not doing anything positive for you. Stick around. We are here to help.

[DeeBee]

Lost

Welcome Back Heyme!

I can relate to the memory loss more than I care to admit. I have been working the program sucessfully for 5 months now (2 of them AF) and with the help of the supps I can feel my memory slowly, slowly getting better.

There is HOPE - stick around!

[bestlifeldms]

Lost

Heyme! Welcome back! I soooo can relate to what you have written. I joined MWO in the middle of 2006. Just attained sobriety a little over 6 mos. ago. I had a huge internal struggle. It was effecting my work, my health, my personal relationships, but unlike you, my husband was a huge driving force behind my needing to quit. Come often, read, post ~ you know the routine. Just glad you are here!