Really struggling right now!

[TrillianToo]

Really struggling right now!

In the US apparently we need a prescription.

I appreciate the support. Yes, it's really lonely being in chronic pain, very isolating. It's also very depressing being so housebound, and being so dependent on someone else.

I really look forward to the day when I can just be out and about, and work a job, make money, like most other people.

It would be easy to drink from the depression of that, and every once in a while I have to compeltely "lose it" to regain my composure, but I try to be positive, optimistic, and focus on what I CAN do. But it is really wearing to be in in pain every second I'm awake, knowing everything will always hurt, and if I do anything, it'll just hurt more.

It's not so bad when it's in the tolerable range, but when it's like this .... I don't even want to drink water because I don't want to have to get up to go to the bathroom, and it's past lunchtime and I don't know if I can even eat because I'm so nauseous - which, of course, is assuming I can get up and do all the things required to make lunch in the first place.

That's when I want a drink, to relax, to chill, to mellow out, to be able to endure the higher pain state of getting food, so I can EAT, and do all those other things that are a required part of daily life, just the basics, like shower, get the cats their food & meds, go to the bathroom - nothing too complex, but so difficult today I want to cry just thinking about it.

[TrillianToo]

Really struggling right now!

My BF told me he's proud of me, he looked at me with such love in his eyes, for me going through this.

I am glad for it, but also want to smack him - it is SO EASY for him for me to go through this, but it is MASSIVE SUFFERING for me.

At one point he said he would go get some alcohol for me - and I was glad, I wanted to talk it through to be sure that was OK, I was so happy, but then he walked away during the conversation, and with him saying "No, I really don't think it's a good idea, yes, I think you shouldn't do it, but if the pain is that bad ...."

Just leaves me feeling like I'm in a hell-hole. Do I follow up on it with him, ask him to go? Leave it? I want somethin to help with the pain!!!! I even tried talking with him about lunch to see if maybe I can eat, but he just walked away.

It's so bad now, beyond the nausea, I can't hardly speak (only a few syllables at a time, with gasping breath in between) and I have tears streaming down my face constantly.

Well, I suppose the good thing about this is I'll lose weight - cuz if I'm not eating anything, I sure won't be putting on any weight.

[Starlight Impress Forever]

Really struggling right now!

Oh Trillion,
Am really sorry for all you`re suffering and the difficulties you are facing regarding being unable to avail yourself of professional help.

Yes, TENS are available without a script in UK........would research them well before purchasing.........did NOTHING for my relative`s pain.........different kind of pain though, affecting the joints.

Have you tried morphine? Many docs reluctant to prescribe it due to risk of patient becoming addicted, but will prescribe if all other painkillers fail. It might be an idea to try it, although, like I already said, many people cannot tolerate a high enough dose to silence the pain, and even if you could.........is a highly addictive drug. An alternative to morphine is oxynorm.......some patients can tolerate that one, although again, not my family member.Loads of natural reliefs out there too, but........most don`t seem to live up to their fantastic claims.

Star x

[TrillianToo]

Really struggling right now!

Yeah, key word being "prescribed".

I do fine on vicodin, when I had it years and years and years ago. But doctors are sooooo relcutant to prescribe anything - I've not had a prescribed pain medication longer than I want to remember. Years and years and years .....

That's one reason I don't want to talk the doctor thing - everytime I try to get help, I know people mean well, but I see doctors, they see I'm in pain, but are sooooo reluctant to prescribe anything. The only time I got a prescription was when my doctor had the gall to say I needed to see a psychiatrist - and the psychiatrist immediately called him back and said he needed to prescribe me something for the pain or they'd have a wrongful death lawsuit on their hands from my family due to the suicidal way I was feeling from so much intense, exruitating, unending, pain.

Doctors get in trouble if they prescribe too much pain medication, so they're relcutant to give anybody anything. The only people in chronic pain I know who can successfully get pain meds have seen their doctor several times a month (somtimes a week) for YEARS, years and years and years. It's not uncommon for it to take someone 10 years to get pain meds.

I don't know how people not in chronic pain are able to get 60 or 90 pills in a month. Sheesh, most times I'd proabably only need 5 or 6 in a month. Every time I hear the story, I want to figure out what they did so I can repeat it, and maybe get some relief - legally, instead of asking my friends to fill their vidodin prescriptions they got for their pulled wisdom teeth, vicodin that they don't even want or need ......

I know if I had pain meds, I'd just take them, be done with it, not be here posting with this struggle today.

But I don't have pain meds and nothing else helps ease the pain when it crosses that line. Before that line gets crossed, there are things I can do. Even like this, there are probably things I could at least TRY before going to the alcohol. But alone. Not with my BF here, cuz with him here I can't ever really relax, unless he's asleep, and even then I have one ear open. And he's always here.

[Starlight Impress Forever]

Really struggling right now!

Well, I don`t know about the online pharmacies personally, but many here use them to buy the drugs recommended by this programme.

Couldn`t you just buy vicodin from one of those pharmacies, or is it ridiculously expensive??

Star x

[TrillianToo]

Really struggling right now!

In my years of searching I've never been able to find anyplace I can get vicodin or any other narcotic pain reliever sent to me in the US without a prescription.



But, I wanted to sign on and say:

Blessed be!!!! My BF bought some rum, and gave me permission to have one, even made the drink himself, as he didn't want to see me in such suffering.

It's late in the day to for sure turn this around for tomorrow morning, but perhaps it'll be enough - especially if he keeps sitting next to me, spending time with me, touching me, and above all BEING RELAXED!!!

And the sun will be setting soon - the darkness helps. (The sun is so bright and stimulating - makes the pain worse.)

[brittzak]

Really struggling right now!

TT,
See another doctor. Do you have Fibromyalga (sp?) If so, most docs dont believe it is a real desiease...find on that does. Using Al to mask the pain only creates another problem....liver cirrohosis...which is very painful too. If you are a having drinker quiting cold turkey HURTS!!!!! An ER doc will gie you soemthing for the DT's...sorry, I dont know what pain you have....all I know is I drank while taking meds and about died. Go ssee my posts from yesterdat and today.....was not good.

[happydog]

Really struggling right now!

Hi Trilliantoo,

I really do feel for you this must be like a living nightmare, lets us know how you are.
i can remember 10years ago i was going through pain that made me pasts out where my husband had to help me to and back from the toilet to bed. Like britzak said go to another GP......this may sound stupid but try a hot water bottle it will not take the pain away but it might smooth the pain.
Just to let you know im thinking of you and sending you strength your way, try and hang in there.:l

Take care

Love
Teardrop.x

[Guitarista]

Really struggling right now!

Trillion, G'day..sounds like you need to remove yourself from the daily 'office' situation, unless you've addressed this already. If not. Your sanity, and comfort is all!. I f you're b/f pussyfoot's around, don't accept it... take control, and move into another environment for now... no big deal, no breakup, just out of respect for you!.. i presume you've talked to him about how you're feeling.... (sorry, late post. may be out of the loop)... Good luck, G

[TrillianToo]

Really struggling right now!

Yea, one day when I have my own money I'll set up my own space - but I have zero income, zero money, zero ability to work, so I have no options on that one for now.

And for the doctors, I've seen more than 30 already, and like I said, I found one who believes he can help me, and I do too - but we cannot afford to pay him, so until we can pay for treatment, I'm SOL.

I did have a couple drinks last night, and FINALLY got out of that pain loop. I can BREATHE, I can TALK, I can WALK, I am HAPPY, I am HUNGRY, I SLEPT. I'm still in a whole lot of pain, but it's on the tolerable side of the line, and I have absolutely no desire to drink.

Why would I, when I can deal with it? It's only when it makes me insane that not drinking becomes so difficult.

[Guitarista]

Really struggling right now!

Trillion. Firstly, it sounds like you've got to deal with your physical pain?, is that right?... either way, just know that you are alway's listened to here, and stay in touch with this site.... lot's of great ppl. on different journey's etc.... G

[BecomingMeAtLast]

Really struggling right now!

Trillion,
I wish I had a magic pill or potion to help you feel better but all
I can give you is my thoughts and some hugs. :l :l :l

BTW, there are quite a few online pharmacies which sell vicodin.
They're expensive, foreign and take 10 days - 3 weeks to arrive.

[TrillianToo]

Really struggling right now!

I have spent WEEKS searching internet sites for these places I'm told of that will sell vicodin & ship to my US address without a prescription - but haven't been able to find them.

If you know the exact websites (I'm not going to spend fruitless weeks searching again), would you please send them to me in a private message?

And yeah, by far and away the drinking is due directly or indirectly to the chronic pain. I very rarely have a drink with dinner out, almost never drink at parties, and when there's been a death in the family, I have definitely chosen to drink for the first few days to help keep the intense emotional distress to manageable proportions, then I can deal with it without alcohol.

But outside of that it's to cope with the intense pain, or if I'm feeling some intense emotion like stress, anger, frustration, helplessness, etc. that I can't go "walk off" due to the pain. Before I was injured I'd go for a run, I'd take a drive, I'd go camping, I'd take a direct action (e.g. wanting to go do something fun, I'd go do something fun). But with the pain, that is pretty much impossible. I don't drink daily from it, it's more a once every 4-6 weeks kind of thing when the pressure builds to the explosion point, and it has helped. Besides I can't do anything else .....




I wanted to update also and say that I'm still in pain, but less so that yesterday morning. I was only awake about an hour last night due to pain, and did not fear for my safety to walk the 10 feet to the bathroom in the middle of the night. It was very refreshing!!

And no alcohol last night!

I will admit to being nervous about today - it's shopping day and as I need specific things my BF is not familiar with, I have to go with him to the store. I'm still on the "tolerable" side of things, but the walking and driving, not to mention the crowds, noise and stimulation, can definitely make jack the pain up to unbelievable proportions.

If I can manage to keep the overall pain and stress down I'll be fine. But if I can't, and the pain becomes unmanageable, I'll definitely be struggling to not drink again.

[startingover]

Really struggling right now!

Hi Trillion, good going on not drinking last night. But you are still dealing with so much pain? I hope someone can give you some advice re the vicodin. I am afraid I have no idea at all. It seems like you have the right attitude regarding stress and other emotions, that is great! I think that will help you in your struggles. I just hope and pray that someone comes up with something for the pain.

[Cinders]

Really struggling right now!

Trillion,

Have you tried Ultram (Tramadol) for your pain? It is non-addictive and my husband who has no disks left in his lower spine and suffers severe back pain is amazed at how well they work.

I am sure a doctor will give those to you.

Yes, they lose effectiveness over time. So you need to alternate with another med.

But they are awesome. I suffer severe pain myself and know what you are talking about. I have a nerve pinched in my head, it causes headaches they call the "suicide headache." Ultram works very well.

Love,
Cindi