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HOW MANY TIMES? I GIVE UP!!!!!!!!

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    #1

    HOW MANY TIMES? I GIVE UP!!!!!!!!

    Gee..how many times can I dissapoint myself? I have been in and out of here for a while now and each time I say I have had enough with drinking..then why do I do the same stupid stuff over and over???? I hate myself. Last week I said that was it!!!!!!!!!! I did so good all week til Saturday..I am alone and I feel like I turn into someone else.
    OH I am only going to have a few!!!!!!! There is NO such thing for me...I must have had about 12 beers that day!!!!!!!!!!!!! TO WAKE UP THE NEXT morning once again hating myself..I can not take it any more! Why does this keep happening..I need friends to talk to so bad! Please help!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I truely want to die at times:upset:
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    #2
    HOW MANY TIMES? I GIVE UP!!!!!!!!

    Hi Bunky

    This is your hangover talking, the alcohol! You need to ride this out and you will feel better in a few days. Just don't drink in an attempt to make it better.

    Also, take good care of yourself. You are bound to feel very depressed after a drinking binge. Can you get to an AA meeting by chance? It would be good for you to be around people.

    Hang in there!

    Comment

      #3
      HOW MANY TIMES? I GIVE UP!!!!!!!!

      Bunky, I know how you feel and being hungover just makes those feelings even worse. Don't ever give up. The struggle can be very taxing I know but, it can get better. You have to really, really want it. Use everything you have to fight it..kudzu, the cd's, exercise, distract youself with other activities. It is very uncomfortable at first when those urges are practically screaming at you. You have to learn whatever techniques work for you to quiet those urges.

      We are here to give you all the support you need.
      Sometimes I wonder...."Why is that frisbee getting bigger?"...and then it hits me.

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        #4
        HOW MANY TIMES? I GIVE UP!!!!!!!!

        Bunky, I guess the only answer to why this keeps happening is that you have a serious alcohol problem, and it creates huge difficulties for you in controlling your intake. For those of us who are affected in this way, taking one drink means that pretty much anything can happen... that first drink usually triggers a strong desire for much more and we lose capacity to exercise good judgment, so often we give in to the desire for more, and more...

        What have you done in the past to address this problem? Sounds as if it's time to make a good plan, starting with at least 30 days AF, some exercise, maybe the hypno recordings, etc.? What do you think?

        wip

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          #5
          HOW MANY TIMES? I GIVE UP!!!!!!!!

          I would agree with Nancy. AA isn't always everyone's cup of tea, but it does give you the chance to be around people who have the same problem as you and can offer you strength and hope.

          That voice self-hate can be a powerful one, and we've all been in the same place that you are. Put a plan together to make it through the next couple of days and you'll be in a much better frame of mind.
          Sobriety Date: June 15, 2007 -- "It's not having what you want, It's wanting what you've got...."

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            #6
            HOW MANY TIMES? I GIVE UP!!!!!!!!

            Bunky,

            We all have done or are doing exactly what you are doing.

            Trying/failing/trying/failing/trying... It is what makes it an addiction. If we could just stop no matter what, it would be called something else. Addiction sucks. It truly does.

            However, the feelings of self-defeat, the thoughts of death, the depression, and anxiety are all either caused by or greatly amplified by the alcohol. I have found that out by being sober for a period and I am sure others agree.

            If you ABSOLUTELY cannot stop by yourself at home, please consider other options. I was such a hardcore, hard drinking person, I had to go to a 3 day detox in the hospital. It sounds like you are not at that point but you might want to consider a rehab.

            Yes, I hear all the time it is not an option. I said the same thing myself until I realized it was quit or die eventually, then I finally went to a 28 day inpatient rehab. I couldn't afford it, I couldn't take the time, I didn't want work to know, etc, etc. I found out I could afford it, I could take the time and to hell with work.

            When it comes to rehab or dying, let's look at the options again.

            Now, I am not telling you to go to rehab, I am asking you to consider what will it take for you to be able to quit and learn what you need to stay quit. Rehab is one of those things that can help, it does not always mean you stay sober but even after rehab and a few short lapses, I recognize that I learned so much from rehab that when I have lapsed, I know what to do to get back up and keep on going.

            There is also Intensive Outpatient Rehab. These are all mostly 12-step (just like inpatient) and if you are adamantly opposed to AA and their program, then Google on non-12 step programs. Some do exist.

            All I am saying is, do not give up, try different things until you find the "one" that works. This is your life we are talking about. Failure is not an option!!

            Love and strength to you,
            Cindi
            AF April 9, 2016

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              #7
              HOW MANY TIMES? I GIVE UP!!!!!!!!

              Never give up. I've started over many many times. Look I'm back on day six but I'm feeling better and I don't have the desire to kill myself. I even wrote AAthlet a PM and don't even know him just needed to vent to some one who wouldn't judge me. So far so good. You hang in here with the crowd. You won't be disappointed. Lot's of good people here. If it were easy we would have already done it. So keep trying.

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                #8
                HOW MANY TIMES? I GIVE UP!!!!!!!!

                Thank you all for your comments..I think my next step is to buy the book here and supplements. I dont know of any outpatient places to go but will look into it!
                I guess I am very embarressed but it could be alot worse..

                Comment

                  #9
                  HOW MANY TIMES? I GIVE UP!!!!!!!!

                  Bunky, the best thing you could do is get the book & supps,CD's and stick close to us. This program really, truly works. But it does take work. MWO will give you the tools, you supply the rest, along with a boost whenever needed from the rest of us!:l:h:l
                  You, as much as anyone in the universe, deserve your love and respect. ~ Buddha

                  Comment

                    #10
                    HOW MANY TIMES? I GIVE UP!!!!!!!!

                    its so strange....I feel like I have multi-personalities..
                    One who wants this more than life..then something(or someone else) takes over (that person I need and want to go away forever)

                    Comment

                      #11
                      HOW MANY TIMES? I GIVE UP!!!!!!!!

                      It's really not so strange, Bunky... I think it would be safe to say that most of us have had the very same experience... factions within our minds/brains are at war with each other. The good news is that we can learn to identify most strongly with that aspect of our mind that wants and pursues a healthy, meaningful life... and learn to not to listen to, or give in to, or take seriously... the alcoholic, or craving, or child-like parts of our minds/brains... (Chief would call it The Beast! of course... ! and that can work really well, too!)... That part of ourselves will NOT go away forever, but it will weaken, over time, if we persistently refuse to give in to it...

                      wip

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                        #12
                        HOW MANY TIMES? I GIVE UP!!!!!!!!

                        Bunky, AWIP is right, it is a beast inside of us. Its you addicited mind talking. It takes alot of practice but you can shut that beast down. I have been trying for over a year now and found you do need outside help as well. "in person" I have a wonderful therapist and just joined AA. Boy was I scared my first visit. But now I feel totally at home with these people. Somehow I thought I was different. Ha, could not be more wrong. The support is alot like here with hugs and smiles. Best to you.

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                          #13
                          HOW MANY TIMES? I GIVE UP!!!!!!!!

                          Hi Bunky

                          It's nice to meet you and don't ever be embarassed here. Most of us have been in the same boat, or a similar one.

                          I''m glad you've decided to buy the book. I strongly recommend the entire program, the CDs, supplements, and continuing to post on this forum. The support is incredible.

                          Don't listen to the hangover. Can you drink lots of water? Go for a walk? It'll pass and you'll feel better :l

                          Be
                          "Action is...the enemy of thought." :l Joseph Conrad

                          Comment

                            #14
                            HOW MANY TIMES? I GIVE UP!!!!!!!!

                            A definition of insanity that AA uses reads "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result".....for me it was more like "doing the same thing over and over (picking up the FIRST drink after a period of abstinence) and KNOWING the result would be the same - if not WORSE, but still drinking it anyway..." I am a recovering alcoholic, with a proven record of chronic relapse - however, today I am enlarging on my spiritual life, and not ?solating myself from myself. I find that when I allow my emotions time to subside, clarity does return. The depression and heartache which inevitably happens every time I embark on another binge simply HAS to be ridden out, and JUST FOR TODAY I have a few sober days up!! God bless you all in your journey towards fulfilling sobriety.

                            ***SERENITY IS THE CALM WITHIN THE STORM***
                            *Serenity is the calm WITHIN the storm*

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                              #15
                              HOW MANY TIMES? I GIVE UP!!!!!!!!

                              Kap. G'day there. I know for me, i can't moderate. Have been af a few times,(3/4 mths) etc. and choosing to go back, but in moderation.... Nupppp. worked for a couple of weeks, then back to same heavy drinking pattern's..Have learned i can't moderate... too much of a battle, so am af...3 day's ...early day's yet, but i know what's coming, and am prepared, extra strong with the support and info from this site... I wish you all the success in the world my friend... Good luck, you'll get there , we just gotta keep trying. G.

                              AF since October 26 2008.

                              'I am part of all that I have met, yet all experience is an arch wherethro', gleams that untravelled world whose margins fade, forever and forever when I move'

                              Zen soul Warrior. Freedom today-

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