I'm back to my old ways..and then some

[Accountable for Me]

I'm back to my old ways..and then some

I had PPD after both of my daugthers were born. My drinking escalated big time. Just know that with proper treatment you can over come this.

You are so not alone here. I don't know how many mothers on here have been through the same things. Including myself.

Consult your doctor. Hugs to you.

[Angelique]

I'm back to my old ways..and then some

Hi, good morning. Feeling much better today but when I try to remember whatever it is I said to one of my bosses on the phone the other night I get so sick to my stomach. I didn't drink last night. I thought about it but kept busy. We went to my parents house and stayed until 8:30 then came home and gave the baby a bath. Then I took a long shower (on purpose) etc. Just trying to keep busy!! Then went to bed early. I actually only slept maybe 4 hours (because of the baby)....but feel rested ????? It's probably because there wasn't any alcohol in my system. I feel good but why is it that I'm thinking about wine at Thanksgiving at 9 in the morning? I have to stay AF today. I always feel so "motivated" in the mornings and then 5 p.m. rolls around and "BAM" I want that glass of wine. Is it really just out of habit or do I like the feeling that much? I think it's both. I'm seriously considering the anabuse (sp?)..this way I'll know that I just cannot drink.....PERIOD. This is going to be something I'll have to fight the rest of my life isn't it? How sad.

[Angelique]

I'm back to my old ways..and then some

Gia,
I'm really going to try to keep positive! As strange as this sounds...it's really comforting to know that there are many people in the same boat as me. Not necessarily the same exact situation...but they know how horrible it is to live like this. I say it sounds strange because I really don't wish this hell onto anyone. It's exhausting,, embarassing, humiliating, shameful.......wait isn't there another thread about "why I hate drinking" or something like that? LOL I still feel so sick to my stomach when I try to remember what I said to my boss on the phone the other night. I have to see her at a company function next Tuesday. Oh please pray I didn't say something totally ridiculous! Why do I put myself through these things??????? Thanks for listening to me.........You are all wonderful people!
XOXOXOX
Ange.

[A Work in Progress]

I'm back to my old ways..and then some

Angelique, have you read the MWO book? I am hoping you will put together an effective plan of action for dealing with this problem (and getting set up with a new physician should be right up there on the "to do" list, right?); it sounds as if you are certainly ready for some changes, but you also will need to take a good hard look at changing a lot of things, if you are going to succeed.... hoping that you will not want to drink, or that the supplements will "work" is a setup for relapse... have you looked at the "tool box" thread? There's a post on there about how to develop an effective plan. Take a look, and tell us what you think, OK?

best wishes,

wip

[Angelique]

I'm back to my old ways..and then some

AWIP,
Hi. I haven't gone to the tool box thread. Didn't know there was one? You always give the best advice. I've read a lot of what you've said and told others. I know I have to have a plan of action a.s.a.p. or I'll be back where I don't want to be. I am looking for a new Dr. as we speak. I called my Physicians referral line today from my insurance group and got some names. I'm going to order the kudzu to help with cravings. Also, I have been really flirting with the idea of trying antabuse. I know my addiction is very mental, and I think if I have that it will be somewhat of an "insurance plan" for me not to drink. I cannot have one drink.....THAT"S THAT... I don't know when to stop. I haven't admitted that to myself....EVER!

XOXOX
-Ange.

[Angelique]

I'm back to my old ways..and then some

Oh,
Yes I have read the book....twice.
-A.

[A Work in Progress]

I'm back to my old ways..and then some

I'll bump the "tool box" thread for you. It is in the "Monthly ABS" section (or maybe "Long Term ABS"?); I have PM'ed RJ and asked her to make it a sticky.

There are several people here who have found antabuse very helpful. It can be a great way to just get the alcohol "option" off the table for several months, which can allow you to build in a whole new set of habits, coping strategies, etc....

wip

[88Katie88]

I'm back to my old ways..and then some

I feel exactly like angelique-she has all the words for me, i feel so depressed that i dont have any more words to express the pain, the humiliation. disgust in myself. i will follow angeli to get off this junk, she is brave to speak open and honest, i respect that, no moderation possible, not for me. i would like to know how long it will take before the shakes go away when the drinking is cut off completely. i notice if i have a little, the shakes go away. i just want it all to stop-drinking-shaking-confusion-stupidness-

[88Katie88]

I'm back to my old ways..and then some

i need help-or die-

[A Work in Progress]

I'm back to my old ways..and then some

Good for you, Katie88. Tremors, or shakes, will go away in a few days. If you are drinking JUST to stop the tremors, I'd suggest that you stop doing that, so you can get over this, once and for all. Some people ARE able to taper down, with small amounts of alcohol... but you would do even better if you go in to see a physician, and get a few days' worth of an anti-anxiety drug like Ativan to help with some of this withdrawal. Withdrawal CAN be very dangerous.

Stick around here, post a lot, and if your symptoms get worse, see a doc, to to the ER if necessary, but don't get back to your regular drinking, OK?

wip

[A Work in Progress]

I'm back to my old ways..and then some

We cross-posted, Katie88. Are you feeling worse?

[A Work in Progress]

I'm back to my old ways..and then some

Katie88, what's happening?

[Angelique]

I'm back to my old ways..and then some

Hi Katie,
I'm glad that my words are helping some people see their own problems for what they really are. I used to be really great with words but my brain has slowed down so much over the past few years because of the alcohol. It's really a shame that I have allowed this liquid to rob me of the person I was and of my God given gift of life. I have to stop this and so should you. It's not healthy. You can PM me anytime you'd like to talk.

[chardy]

I'm back to my old ways..and then some

i read this on anouther post and it has given me the insperation to stop drinking i am so glad i stumbled on this site
i copy and pasted it and stuck it on the fridge
We all look to the past and don't like what we see....we all have regret that we could have done things better or been there more...whatever.....

What matters is NOW......the past is gone...over....done with and all we have is the here and NOW. We can become the people we always wanted to be starting NOW.

You mention that you wish you could get into a car wreck and die because then your kids won't have to deal with you anymore????? Do you want to deny them the pleasure of seeing you get better????? Do you want them to lose you without showing them all you can be??? Of course you don't....

We cannot get the past back, no matter how we try....so what is the alternative????

We start TODAY....for today is tomorrow's yesterday........and if you keep looking back and wallow in the time past.....thats all you will keep getting.....lots and lots of wasted yesterday's to add to the pile you already have.

ENOUGH! You have the power within yourself to make the change, to start making wonderful yesterday's...to show your kids that you are NOT beat, you are strong and you are gonna win and kick AL's butt!

Imagine how wonderful it will be when your kids realise that you are REALLY doing this.......day one leads to week one...week one leads to month one....all ODAT....
The ball is in your court and NOBODY can do this but you......you sound sick and tired of your life the way it is....so what ya gonna do???? Lie back and wallow in it, lament the days gone by and just keep adding to them by feeling like shit and not doing anything about it??? NO!!!! You are STRONGER than that......You are gonna make a change...ok????? STARTING NOW!

Right Lost....firstly, we need to get you a plan....what will work for you....that is the first step........Now I want you to go to a mirror and look at yourself...what do you see????

Do you see a woman who looks beaten, desolate and about to give up?? Or do you see a woman who may not look like you want her to, but has that glint of determination in her eyes to make the change and start healing her life?????

I thought so.....

Ok, so we start, right here...right now.....we will find a plan, we will work out a strategy that will work for you...we are all behind you, we will hold your hand all the way...ok??? Will you Start right now, with us today????? This is POSSIBLE, the road will be rocky but we will be walking with you...you DESERVE a wonderful new life...and the very best gift you can give yourself and your children is to love yourself enough to do it.

Today is the first day of the rest of your life, so stand up and claim it, embrace it and leave the past behind........nothing can change it, but you sure as hell can change tomorrow.

I am excited for you.....there is so much more for you out there and I just know you are gonna find it.

So come back and talk to us, we can work out a plan together and we can knock this thing on its ass.....you up for it???????




Beginning today I will no longer worry about yesterday. It is in the past and the past will never change. Only I can change by choosing to do so.



Beginning today I will no longer worry about tomorrow. Tomorrow will always be there, waiting for me to make the most of it. But I cannot make the most of tomorrow without first making the most of today.


Beginning today I will look in the mirror and I will see a person worthy of my respect and admiration. This capable person looking back at me is someone I enjoy spending time with and someone I would like to get to know better.


Beginning today I will cherish each moment of my life. I value this gift bestowed upon me in this world and I will unselfishly share this gift with others. I will use this gift to enhance the lives of others.


Beginning today I will take a moment to step off the beaten path and to revel in the mysteries I encounter. I will face challenges with courage and determination. I will overcome what barriers there may be which hinder my quest for growth and self-improvement.


Beginning today I will take life one day at a time, one step at a time. Discouragement will not be allowed to taint my positive self-image, my desire to succeed or my capacity to love.


Beginning today I walk with renewed faith in human kindness. Regardless of what has gone before, I believe there is hope for a brighter and better future.


Beginning today I will open my mind and my heart. I will welcome new experiences. I will meet new people. I will not expect perfection from myself nor anyone else: perfection does not exist in an imperfect world. But I will applaud the attempt to overcome human foibles.


Beginning today I am responsible for my own happiness and I will do things that make me happy . . . admire the beautiful wonders of nature, listen to my favorite music, pet a kitten or a puppy, soak in a bubble bath . . . pleasure can be found in the most simple of gestures.


Beginning today I will learn something new; I will try something different; I will savor all the various flavors life has to offer. I will change what I can and the rest I will let go. I will strive to become the best me I can possibly be.

Beginning today. And every day.

[Angelique]

I'm back to my old ways..and then some

Hi, I just wanted to post and let everyone know that I am doing ok. I have had many AF days and one day that I am not very proud of, but it wasn't a total disaster because I didn't get to the point I normally would have. I had a sense of "awareness" on Friday that I normally don't have when I was drinking. I would like to try to go 30 days AF. I am still feeling a lot of guilt and embarassment about last week, and am still disappointed in myself in general. I guess this feeling of "shame" and loss of control will stick around for a while?